


All This and Heaven Too

by neelie415



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mild Blood, Sirius and Lily are my brotp, Slow Burn, james is an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-05-07 11:03:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14669762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neelie415/pseuds/neelie415
Summary: The story of how a boy and a girl fell in love against all odds. Mostly because the boy was a total moron and the girl too busy overthinking everything else.Picking up at the start of their 6th year, this fic chronicles the beginning of everyone's favorite love story. Through all the ups and downs of adolescence and the looming threat of war on the horizon, James Potter and Lily Evans navigate their way through their final two years at Hogwarts





	1. Chapter 1

There are moments in time that stay with you forever, withstanding the shifting sands of time and shining like a beacon to look back on. Lily Evans had experienced exactly three of these moments in her seventeen years of life.

The first occurred on the morning of her eleventh birthday when she discovered that she was a member of an entirely new world, one filled with magic and wonder. She could still feel that first piece of parchment beneath her fingertips, smell the ink that announced her uniqueness, and see the first hint of fear in her sister’s eyes.

The second incident happened at the close of her fifth year at Hogwarts when the boy she thought was her best friend revealed his true self and called her a Mudblood. The pain and humiliation still smarted.

The third occurred just as the summer holidays before her sixth year wound to a close, the day cancer took her father’s life. Lily would never forget the helplessness and the long, loud, final beep which heralded the start of a life without her father. It solidified her determination to never be helpless again and propelled her into studying healing.

The moment after she told James Potter that she loved him lasted longer than all of these moment combined, and she knew with every fiber of her being that she would never forget it.  


********

Lily Evans loved the rain. She loved to watch the raindrops splatter the windows, chasing each other as the water fell in rivulets down the glass. She loved to sit inside, wrapped up in a blanket with a cup of tea while it rained. She loved to dance in the rain during the summer. She loved to fall asleep to the sound of rain drumming on the roof and against the windows. Lily Evans loved the rain, which was why she was in a much better mood than her friends at the moment.

It was the first of September, and she was on the Hogwarts Express, excited about the start of her sixth year. She currently shared a compartment with two of the other girls from her dorm, Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald. Mary, a fellow Muggleborn, was reading a copy of Witch Weekly while Marlene joined Lily in looking out the window. Marlene was much more upset about the weather than Lily was.

“Blimey,” Marlene complained, “can you believe how much it’s raining? And on our first day back too.”

“I think it’s marvelous,” Lily replied.

“Lily Evans, only you could find such a shite day ‘marvelous.’”

Lily ignored her friend and continued to watch the raindrops dance across the window. “Rain symbolizes a new beginning and it’s the start of a new term,” she said, enjoying the drama of the statement.

Marlene snorted. “It just means being cold and wet.” To demonstrate her discomfort she gave a dramatic shiver. Mary rolled her eyes and Marlene kicked her.

“Agree to disagree,” said Lily in a sing-song voice. She checked her watch and frowned. “I’ve got to go soon. I’ve got the prefect meeting.”

“Ask Lupin about how his summer was for me, will you?” Marlene smoothed her hands across her skirt, feigning nonchalance after sticking her tongue out at Mary.

“You know he’s actually nice. He’ll talk to you if you ask him about it.”

“I know, I know. But if I do that I’ll ruin the whole image of a badass I’ve worked on for the past five years.”

Mary snorted. “You’re pathetic.”

“Well some of us have to work a little harder than just batting our eyelashes at a bloke to make something happen.”

“You should try it sometime,” said Mary, turning a page in her magazine. “Hogwarts is full of people who would just die to get a date with you.”

“And yet none of those people are Lupin now, are they?”

“But why do you even want him? He’s so weird and--”

“Hey, I don’t go around telling people how weird you are.”

“Actually you do. Agnes Chisolm told me on the platform that--”

“Well Agnes Chisolm is a tart.”

“That’s what she said that you said about me!”

“That’s--”

Lily left her two friends to their bickering and started making her way to the front of the train where the prefects were supposed to meet with the new Head Boy and Head Girl. Her stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought of having to see Sev again. She wasn’t sure if she could trust herself not to cry when she saw him, which was ridiculous because the name he had called her wasn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things- something that she tried to remind herself of whenever her thoughts strayed in that direction. But the venom behind his voice when he said that one hateful phrase, combined with the increased frequency of his time spent out with the other Slytherins, only added to her anxiety. They were some truly terrible people, and once again she found herself wondering when it all went wrong and what would happen when she saw him in just a few minutes before the prefect meeting and--

“Oi, Lily!” Lily turned at the sound of her name and was met with the sight of Remus Lupin, the other Gryffindor prefect. “Walk with me?”

Relieved at having her thoughts interrupted, Lily consented. “Sure.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to smile.

“Have a good summer?” Remus asked, hands in his pockets. Lily noted the dark circles under his eyes and wondered if his mother had been sick again. The Hogwarts rumor mill swirled around Remus and his frequent absences but Lily always respected his (rather thin) explanation of having to take care of his chronically ill mother. Lily had met the woman briefly during a trip to Diagon Alley the summer of their Third Year and she seemed perfectly healthy. Mary MacDonald championed the theory that Remus was secretly a member of a band and left school to go on tour during term (“Honestly, Lily just look at him. What part doesn’t scream lead guitarist?”).

“It wasn’t bad,” she said vaguely. Lily was determined not to think about her father, about Petunia or Vernon, about the impending wedding, about Severus, so close and yet unreachable. In fact she was determined not to think about anything at all. “You?”

“I spent a lot of time with my mom which was nice I suppose. Spent the rest of the time at the Potters’. James’ mum loves when I visit.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Lily laughed. “Probably because you keep James out of trouble compared to the rest of his mates.”

“Not always,” he said quietly and Lily pretended not to hear him. After serving with him as prefect for a year she knew him to sometimes turn a blind eye to what his friends got up to. She thought back to Remus as he was in their First Year, quiet and skittish. He had kept to himself and always seemed so nice. Then Potter and Black had scooped him up and all of those qualities had stayed (minus, perhaps the skittishness) but an allure of mystery was added too. And a bit of popularity. After all, to be friends with the exuberant James Potter and enigmatic Sirius Black one had to have some sort of exciting talent. Lily herself favored Mary’s band theory but only in jest. She genuinely liked Remus, regardless of his association with Potter, and if he wanted to claim that he always had to go visit his sickly mother, that was his business.

Marlene would love to be in her shoes, having this conversation with Remus. Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to talk up her friend, all she could think of was how rotten it would be to see Sev at the prefects meeting.

She hadn’t spoken to him since the day of the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. at the end of last term. Whenever she thought about the encounter fire filled her veins all over again, and she wanted to hex something. After the fire faded the sadness invariably followed, threatening to swallow her whole. In the span of one afternoon she had lost her first friend in the wizarding world, the one who had introduced her to the incredible world of magic.

Lily had no idea how she would react to seeing him again. Would she cry? Would she hex him? Would she do nothing at all and miraculously be over it all already? That last option was a little too much to hope for; Sev had come around her house over the holidays, trying to talk to her and Lily had stubbornly stayed inside, ignoring his pleas. It was a little dramatic, but Lily had always loved the drama of love and heartbreak.

The enchanted door to the compartment slid open and Lily took a deep breath to calm her nerves before entering, Remus following close behind her. Alice Cavanagh, the new Head Girl and her fellow Gryffindor and good friend, was already waiting in the compartment along with the two new Fifth Year prefects from Hufflepuff and the Seventh Year Ravenclaw prefects. Alice smiled brilliantly at Lily and wrapped her up in a hug.

“Congratulations on Head Girl, Alice!” said Lily, hugging her friend tightly. “I was so happy for you when I got your owl!”

“I still can’t really believe it,” the blonde said, shaking her head and causing her curls to bounce joyfully.

“Yeah, congrats, Cavanagh,” said Remus. Alice beamed. He wandered over to stand in the corner while Lily and Alice caught up.

“So,” Lily said, lowering her voice conspiratorially, “you get to work with Frank all the time now.”

Alice blushed. “I know, but stuff it before I’m forced to stop being your friend.”

“That boy is in love with you. I’ve been telling you for years.”

“Hi, Frank!” Alice said loudly, trying to drown out Lily’s last comment. The boy in question had just entered the compartment and strode over to join the two girls. Frank Longbottom had his shiny, new Head Boy badge pinned to his chest and a grin lit up his face.

“Hi, Alice,” he said. Alice grinned back at him and the two stared at each other, smiling brightly.

Lily looked between the two of them and coughed after a few moments when it became obvious that neither one of them was going to say anything. Frank blinked rapidly, as if just noticing the second witch.

“Oh, hi Lily,” he said, color creeping up his neck. Alice cleared her throat and quickly went to greet the Fifth Year Ravenclaw prefects who had just arrived, a blush staining her cheeks as well. “Have a good holiday?”

“Yeah, it was alright. How was yours?”

“Hm?” Frank stared after Alice and didn’t seem to hear her. Before she could repeat herself, the door to the compartment slid open again and Severus Snape walked in. He looked just the same as he had the last time she had seen him, pale, greasy haired, and wearing clothes that didn’t fit quite right. She used Frank’s distraction with Alice to her advantage and edged her way over to where Remus was standing in the corner. She tried to blend in with the wall and cursed her fiery red hair. There was no way she could blend into the compartment with her curls.

_You don’t have to talk to him, just ignore him. Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him. _He locked eyes with her from across the room and started to move toward her. She swallowed her panic and braced herself for an altercation when Sev suddenly changed direction and went to stand on the opposite side of the car. It was then that Lily noticed that Remus had taken an extra step closer to her. She was grateful but her pride made her snap at him.__

__

__“You don’t have to protect me.”_ _

__

__“Your panic was making me want to panic. I was just going to cheer you on if you slapped him.”_ _

__

__She shot him a brief smile and then Frank called for order and the meeting started._ _

__

__***_ _

____

“Is this seat taken?”

“Go away, Potter.”

“Brilliant.” James Potter hopped into the carriage and as soon as he shut the door it lurched into motion, taking its occupants up the hill to Hogwarts. He situated himself next to Mary who sat up a little straighter and stuck her chest out a bit. The boy tried to dry his glasses on the sleeve of his robes but frowned when it just smeared the water across the lenses. Lily raised an eyebrow at her roommate before turning her gaze out the window.

It was still raining heavily when the train pulled into Hogsmeade Station and Lily, Marlene, and Mary had dashed into the closest empty carriage they could find. Unfortunately, the horseless carriages were bewitched to move only after their quota of four was reached. Their fourth occupant could have been someone sensible like Michael Frampton, a fellow Sixth Year Gryffindor, but no. James bloody Potter had to show up instead.

“Have a good holiday, Evans?” he asked.

Lily sniffed and ignored him, watching the water streak passed on the windowpane.

“Me, personally, I had a great holiday,” Potter drawled as if she had returned his question. In the dim light she caught him running a hand through his wet hair from the corner of her eye. It stayed standing up in small spikes. “We spent a good portion of it at the main house but we also stayed at the cottage for a bit and visited the coast too.”

Lily rolled her eyes. He was always doing this, always trying to show off how wealthy he was in front of her. As if she was supposed to be impressed by not just a mansion, but also a cottage in the country and one on the coast as well. Only a spoiled git would talk about their wealth so often.

When Lily remained silent the Quidditch captain asked her companions the same question. Mary fluffed her hair a bit and replied with a summary of the holiday that she had taken with her mother in Barcelona.

“Mary I can’t believe you forgot to buy my cauldron cakes,” Marlene complained, interrupting Mary’s story about the Sagrada Familia.

“I can’t believe that all you’ve done today is complain.” Lily snapped without fulling meaning to. Being in such close proximity to Potter always made her jumpy.

“Wow that was sort of harsh, Evans,” commented Potter.

“Thank you for your input, Potter. I was only joking, Mare,” she said, trying to lighten the mood a little. “You know that.”

“You’re welcome, I do try. Are you sure you were just taking the mickey out of her? That seemed pretty vicious, and here I thought that you were friends.”

“We are friends Potter, which is more than I can say for you and I. Why aren’t you sitting with your friends? I didn’t think Black could survive for so long without you at his side.”  
“Oh, I thought that I would get a bit of a change of scenery, y’know? After all,” said Potter, spread his hands wide to indicate Lily, “Sirius is pretty fit but he’s got nothing on the view in front of me.”

Lily flushed and hoped that Potter wouldn’t notice or would chalk it up to their spat. Luckily she was saved a response when Mary cut in. “Can you two stop bickering? You’re ruining my first view of the castle.”

Glad for an excuse to stop arguing (When did that happen? Fighting with Potter was always so satisfying) Lily joined Mary in gazing out the window as Hogwarts came into view, lit up in the rain.

Lily loved Hogwarts. She never lost that sense of wonder when she saw it at the beginning of every term with its towering heights and sprawling form lit up in the blaze of hundreds of torches. In her darkest hours, there was always the doubt, a fear that none of this was real and she would wake up one day at the house in Cokeworth. That she would find herself normal, a muggle with no magical ability at all. The sight of the Hogwarts rising out of the night assuaged those fears.

“Another year back,” she smiled to herself.

When their carriage pulled up to the front steps of the Entrance Hall, Potter was the first one out into the rain. “Evans,” he said with a smirk. “Always a pleasure. Oh, and you might want to stay away from the Slytherin table tonight.” He gave a little salute and left, most likely to find his mates.

“What was that?” asked Marlene.

“What was what?” Lily wanted to know.

“I saw that blush.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Lily said loftily and cast an _impervius _charm, shielding them from the rain. “Don’t be ridiculous.” A few of the other older students had cast the same charm and still others had conjured large black umbrellas to protect themselves from the downpour. The younger students simply ran through the rain and mud up to the steps of the Entrance Hall.__

__“I wonder,” said Mary, “what prank the Marauders have planned for tonight.”_ _

__

__“Whatever it is it’s a good thing none of us have any reason to go and hang out with the Slytherins,” said Marlene with a significant glance in Lily’s direction._ _

__

__“Yes, it is a good thing,” Lily responded. She did her best to push away the anxiety that cropped up again at the thought of facing Sev again._ _

__

___Get a grip on yourself, Evans. You have to get over it at some point._ _ _

____ _ _

___The girls made their way into the Great Hall. Lily was looking forward to the start of the term feast. She hadn’t had anything on the train and her stomach was making its displeasure known. The ceiling was a swirling mass of grey to reflect the weather outside. As always, Lily was completely mesmerized by the complexity of the enchantment and nearly tripped over a Second Year on her way to the Gryffindor table. After that, she let Mary take her hand (“Honestly Lily, pay attention.”) and lead her to a spot near the end. This spot served a dual purpose, one being that Mary could hop up and join any blokes at the other house tables if they made eye contact long enough, and two being that Lily could better usher the First Years out of the Hall after dinner._ _ _

___ _

___“I swear, they get smaller and smaller every year,” Marlene said, indicating the single file line of First Years following Professor McGonagall into the Hall._ _ _

___ _

___“That’s sort of the point, Mare,” said Mary. “You get older every year.”_ _ _

___ _

___Lily found herself thinking about her own sorting, now six years ago. It invariably came to mind every year, although now it brought unwelcome thoughts of Sev too, of the day she had found out that she was a witch._ _ _

____”You’re special, Lily. Like me.”__ _ _

___She remembered her mother’s confusion and excitement the day her Hogwarts letter came._ _ _

_______”We have a witch in the family!” Her mother was absolutely floored. ___

When the first boy (Henry Andrews, clearly a muggleborn with a name like that) was sorted into Ravenclaw, Lily couldn’t help but remember waiting for her own turn, the words of two different boys ringing in her ears

_”I’m going to be in Gryffindor, like my dad! ‘Gryffindor--where dwell the brave at heart.’” James Potter mimed holding a sword while he made his speech._

_Sev had gone to change into his robes and this bespeckled boy had barged in, announcing his name and taking a seat across from Lily. He had taken one look at her and said, “Blimey, I thought I knew all of the Weasleys. Which one are you?”_

_“Pardon?” The boy had no manners._

_He cocked his head to the side and stared intently at her. “Wait, I was right. I do know all of the Weasleys and you aren’t one. What’s your name?”_

_“My name is Lily. Lily Evans.”_

_“Evans you say?” He looked thoughtful. “I don’t know that name and my family knows everyone. That must mean that you’re a muggleborn!” Lily nodded. “Wow! So you must not know anything about Hogwarts!”_

_“I know some things!” Lily said hotly. “I know that the best house is Slytherin. It combines the best things out of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw and puts them in one house! Brains and knowing how to apply your skills to your best advantage.”_

_James stared at her for a beat before laughing hysterically. “And what complete tosser told you that? Slytherin is where all of the slimy gits go!”_

_Any goodwill that James Potter had cultivated up to that point vanished in an instant._

_“My friend is who.” Lily rose from her seat, crossing her arms as she did so. “Sev says it’s the best house and I trust him.”_

_“Listen, Lily, wait,” James said, trying to stop her from leaving._

_Doing her best imitation of her mother when she was really cross, Lily replied, “‘Evans’ will do.”_

_“Evans,” James--no Potter amended. “Slytherin is not where someone like...like you wants to end up.”_

_Suddenly unsure, Lily changed her mind about leaving the compartment. “And why is that?” her curiosity about the wizarding world got the best of her. She did know next to nothing about it, and while she did trust Sev it never hurt to get a second opinion...right?_

_“Everyone in Slytherin,” said James very seriously, “are a bunch of blood purists. They disapprove of any interaction with muggles and want to keep the wizarding world ‘pure’ of any non purebloods. There’s no way you’ll be sorted into Slytherin if you’re a muggleborn and even if you are...they’ll hate you.”_

_Lily stared at him, trying to wrap her head around what Potter was saying. How people who had never even met her before could hate her just because of who and what she was. For the first time, this incredible magical world that she was discovering seemed...dangerous._

_The realization hurt._

_“Sev wants to be in Slytherin and he doesn’t hate me,” she said to cover up her discomfort._

_Potter surveyed her with something close to pity. “If he wants to be in Slytherin then it’s only a matter of time.”_

_At that moment, the door to the compartment slid open. Sev was back from changing. He froze when he saw Potter and a sneer formed on his face. “Who are you?”_

_“Blimey, Evans. I thought for sure that a good looking bird like you would be more sensible. Just look at all of that grease in his hair! You could use it to get my grandfather Henry moving again! And he’s ancient!”_

_“Potter was just leaving, Sev.” The boy in question, however seemed to have different ideas. Rather than stand to leave he ran a hand through his hair instead and crossed his arms behind his head._

_“Actually, I find I rather fancy this compartment.” And he winked at her._

_Lily rolled her eyes. “Fine. C’mon, Sev.” She linked arms with him. Sev glanced down at where they were touching in surprise. It was the first time that she had done this, cemented their friendship with a physical connection. “Let’s go find somewhere else to sit. Preferably where the air hasn’t been polluted by a total prat!”_

_“Remember what I said, Evans!” Potter called as they left the compartment. Lily tried to ignore him but a small voice in her head kept repeating, ‘if he wants to be in Slytherin then it’s only a matter of time.’_

_“Who was that?” Sev wanted to know as they passed through to the next railcar._

_“Some prat named James Potter.”_

_“I don’t like him.”_

_“Neither do I.” Lily peered into a compartment to see if it was empty._

_“You won’t have to deal with rubbish like that when you’re sorted into Slytherin with me,” he said, venom clear in his voice._

__

__Rubbish like people who aren’t afraid to tell you the bad stuff?- _But outloud Lily said, “Slytherin is where all of the clever people go, right?”__ _

___ _

___“‘Clever’ is Ravenclaw, ‘cunning’ is Slytherin.”_ _ _

___ _

___“Right,” Lily said, finding a compartment with just one girl in it. She opened the door and asked if they could sit with her, and Lily met her future roommate and best friend, Marlene McKinnon, for the first time. While they chatted and Sev sat quietly Lily felt the first pangs of doubt about being sorted into Slytherin._ _ _

___ _

___Later, after the wonder of the horseless carriages, after the awe of Hogwarts lit up at night, after the shock of living in an actual castle, after an incredible first impression by Professor McGonagall (Lily couldn’t wait to try her hand at human transfiguration), when the Sorting Hat was placed on her head and it asked her what she wanted, their voices echoed in her mind._ _ _

____ _ _

___‘They’ll hate you.’_ _ _

___ _

___‘rubbish like that,’ _the hatred evident in Sev’s voice as he said those words about someone he didn’t even know…__ _ _

___ _

___Lily made her choice._ _ _

___ _

___“GRYFFINDOR!” < /> _ _ _

___When she skipped her way over to where her new housemates were cheering for her at the Gryffindor table, she shot Sev a smile. After all, just because they would be in different houses didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends.--_ _ _

______ _ _

______ _ _

_____ _

_____ _

____

Lily jerked herself out of her thoughts when all four table erupted in cheers and applause, signaling the end of the sorting. Just as the food appeared an almighty bang rang out and several students screamed. Lily whirled around to see half of the Slytherins covered in a mixture of mashed potatoes and peas while the other half seemed to have boiled carrots stuck up their noses. Lily automatically scanned the table to see if Sev was okay and immediately hated herself for it. She shouldn’t care if he had carrots stuffed up his nose or not. After not spotting him at once, the redhead turned back to her plate and speared some roasted chicken on her fork. Off to her right the four she suspected were the culprits were also busy spooning food onto their plates and doing a passing job at looking innocent.

“Where did they find the time to do that?” Marlene wanted to know. “I mean, James was in our carriage. There’s no way he had enough time before the feast started.”

“Maybe it wasn’t them,” said Mary, helping herself to some of the mashed potatoes (Lily was steering clear of them because you never know.).

Lily watched as Sirius Black used his spoon to try and shoot peas into the waiting mouth of Peter Pettigrew. “No, it was definitely them.” Potter glanced her way and when he noticed her staring he grinned that crooked grin of his and ran a hand through his hair. She scowled at him and looked away.

When the last of the desserts vanished from the table, Lily got to her feet calling for the First Years to follow her up to the Gryffindor common room. The other Gryffindor prefects were perfectly capable of guiding the newest additions to their house up to their rooms, but Lily lived to see the awe on their faces as she showed them the castle. It reflected the same awe that she still felt about the castle. She gave the Fat Lady the password (“felix culpa”) and crawled through to the common room. The prefect directed the First Years to their proper dormitories and then climbed the stairs to her own.

She was the first one to the room. Lily could tell because there was a distinct lack of Mary’s clothes thrown all over the room and the general clutter that appeared when five girls lived together had yet to manifest itself. Hoping to take a stroll around the castle before curfew, Lily dug a sweater out of her trunk and sped back down the stairs. She waved at Marlene over by the fireplace before ducking out through the portrait hole.

The redhead didn’t have any particular destination in mind, she just wanted to greet the castle after the summer holidays. She liked the castle best at night, just before curfew when most of the student body was either already in their common rooms for the night or hurrying there. The long, stone corridors carried a hushed sort of tranquility after the chaos of students running to a fro through them all day. Lily brushed her fingers along the wall and started to sing her favorite song.

“Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night, and wouldn’t you love to love her?”

Potter had long teased her for her love of the muggle band, but Lily adored Fleetwood Mac. There was something intimately appealing about the soft, rolling melodies of their music that made Lily want to dance and sing along.

Lily continued her trek through the quiet halls of Hogwarts, singing softly to herself. She was truly enjoying herself until she rounded the corner and was met with a particularly unpleasant sight.

A couple was so thoroughly entwined around each other, mouths glued together that it was quite impossible to see where one body ended and the next began. She couldn’t help the disgusted, “OH MY GOD” that forced its way out of her throat as she took in roaming hands and mussed hair. The pair broke apart just as Lily turned to leave and she recognized Potter and a pretty blonde from Ravenclaw who Lily was pretty sure that they’d had Charms with for the past five years.

“Evans, wait!” Potter called after her as she retreated back around the corner.

“James!” The Ravenclaw girl shouted in a whisper. She sounded royally miffed and Lily couldn’t blame her. She was sure that she would be pissed if someone interrupted what looked like a good dusk-time snog. Not that she really went around snogging people in the corridors where anyone might happen upon her.

“Evans, wait up! Just hold on a minute!”

“Why?” Lily snapped, picking up the pace until she was practically jogging. Why did Potter want to talk to her? Shouldn’t he want to go back to snogging? And why was she so mad?

_It’s because he’s always asking you out and here he is snogging someone else._

__

__Lily ignored the voice in her head. Who was she to care about who James Potter snogged?_ _

__

__The boy in question reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to a stop. He dropped it quickly when he saw the look she leveled at him._ _

__

__“Lemme explain,” he said._ _

__

__Lily blinked rapidly, trying to hide her confusion. “Explain? You don’t have to explain anything.”_ _

__

__“But I do,” he insisted._ _

__

__“I don’t follow.”_ _

__

__He ran a hand through his hair (Merlin how Lily hated that) before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’m done.”_ _

__

__“Pardon?”_ _

__

__Potter took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. Whatever he was about to say clearly took a lot of effort. “I’m done chasing you.”_ _

__

__“Oh.” Lily stared at him. She wasn’t sure what she should say. A whole five years of constantly fighting with him and turning him down and now…’done?’_ _

__

__“I was actually,” he said, studying the ceiling, “hoping if maybe this year we could be, you know. Friends.” He phrased it like a question._ _

__

__“Friends,” Lily echoed. She studied the boy standing in front of her (who had once gone so far as to bewitch her breakfast to talk and use it to ask her out) and chewed her bottom lip. She was suddenly struck with just how tall he was. She had to tilt her head back to look at him properly, they were standing so close. “Well, alright.”_ _

__

__He abandoned his survey of the ceiling and his face split into a blinding grin. “Brilliant.”_ _

__

__Lily stared at him and opened her mouth to say something, but had no idea what to say. She closed it before she looked like too much of an idiot, standing there gaping at him._ _

__

__“Walk back to the common room with me?”_ _

__

__“Um, don’t you think,” Lily cast her hand over her shoulder, trying to sum up the girl that Potter had abandoned around the corner and their previous activity without actually saying any of it._ _

__

__“What?”_ _

__

__Lily continued to gesture, cursing her sudden inability to communicate effectively._ _

__

__“Oh, her?” he waved a hand. “Na, that’s probably the end of it anyway.” The Quidditch captain started walking away and without meaning to Lily started to follow him. She had to hurry to catch up with his long legs._ _

__

__“So, um,” Lily said, trying to think of something to say to break the silence between them. What did you say to someone who had spent the last five years annoying the hell out of you and now wanted to be friends? In the end she stayed silent._ _

__

__“Relax, Red. Don’t have a panic attack on me.” He made it sound so easy. Like the last five years of him annoying her by asking her out constantly hadn’t happened and they really could just suddenly become friends in less than a minute. These things took time and it was bound to be awkward._ _

__

__Lily frowned at him. “Fine. You think of something to talk about.”_ _

__

__“Why do we have to talk about anything? Can’t two friends just enjoy each other’s company?”_ _

__

__Enjoyment in Potter’s company was not something that Lily was at all familiar with. Typically if they even exchanged three words that were remotely pleasant the situation spiraled out of control quicker than a niffler grabbing something shiny and the next thing she knew, the shouting had already started._ _

__

__Lily was not in the mood for shouting tonight._ _

__

__They continued their journey through the corridors, neither saying much. Potter asked her about her holiday and she inquired about his. Both gave rather stilted responses and when they reached the Fat Lady a wave of relief swept over Lily. She almost prefered the obnoxious James Potter over this painfully polite version. But then she remembered the time that he’d enchanted her potion ingredients to perform a synchronized dance telling her how beautiful she was. Awkward encounters with the other Gryffindor were infinitely better._ _

__

__“Alright, Red. This is where I leave you.” He gave the password and then bowed with one hand ushering her through the portrait hole._ _

__

__“You’re not coming in?”_ _

__

__“Na,” he said, straightening. “I promised Sirius I’d nick him something from the kitchens.”_ _

__

__“Oh.”_ _

__

__“I couldn’t have you off wandering around the castle this late at night by yourself. It’s not safe these days.”_ _

__

__“You left that girl by herself,” Lily pointed out. “What’s her name again? I feel awful. I can’t remember.”_ _

__

__Potter thought for a moment. “For the life of me I can’t either .”_ _

__

__“You can’t remember the name of the girl you were just snogging?”_ _

__

__“Yeah, well she’s not…” he cut himself off before he finished. “Look, will you just go in?”_ _

__

__“Yes, please go in,” said the Fat Lady. “Or shall I just stay open all night?” They both ignored her._ _

__

__“She’s not what?” Lily felt her temper kicking in, not entirely sure why. She must have said it louder than she thought though because Potter took a deep breath to yell back at her._ _

__

__“She’s not you!” Potter shouted._ _

__

__“Merlin, you absolute prat! And here I thought you were trying to be friends because you were ‘done chasing’ me!” Lily’s hands were in fists at her side. Of course they had reached the shouting stage. Because when had any conversation between the two of them not devolved into one?_ _

__

__“That’s not what I meant! She’s not…” he took another deep breath, and when he spoke again his voice was calmer and filled with meaning. “She’s not a Muggleborn like you. It’s not safe anymore for you to go walking around by yourself.”_ _

__

__That brought Lily up short. “I can take care of myself, thank you very much. You don’t have to act all noble,” she said sarcastically, “and rescue me.”_ _

__

__Without waiting for a response she turned and made her way into the common room. She ignored the small crowd that had gathered around the portrait hole, clearly listening in on another famous Evans-Potter screaming match, and climbed the stairs to her dorm._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! I figured out how to post things without it being a complete mess.

_ -12 hours ago-  _

 

“Try and stay out of trouble this term, dear. If I get another owl from Minerva telling me that you’ve blown up another turkey I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Relax, Mum,” said James Potter, trying to dodge his mother’s kisses. “We’ve never blown up a turkey.”

“But that’s a pretty good idea, now that you mention it Mrs. P,” Sirius said, accepting his kisses with a feigned struggle. But the Potters knew better. Sirius had never received much love and affection from his family and so James’ mother always tried to smother him with the love James always shrugged off with embarrassment.

“I’m being serious,” she raised a finger in warning. “Sirius so help me if you make that joke again I will--”

“Alright, alright. We’ll be good little boys this year,” James’ best mate said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m sorry your father couldn’t make it today, James.” Dorea Potter had aged beautifully. Her gray hair was pulled back into an elaborate bun and she wore the sapphire earrings James’ father had given her for their anniversary along with a very fashionable set of robes of the color of champaign. A long life had lined her face with laugh lines, but her brows were currently drawn in worry. As a senior staff member for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (or D.M.L.E. as everyone called it), Dorea had been putting in a lot of extra, long hours at the office, combating something that she would only tell James bits and pieces of. James suspected it had something to do with the whispers of some bloke calling himself “Lord Voldemort.” “They’re giving him terrible hours at St. Mungo’s.”

James shrugged. When a bloke’s mother worked for D.M.L.E. and his father was a Healer at the only wizarding hospital in Britain he got used to the bizarre hours they kept. “‘S alright,” James said, bending down to give his mother a real, heartfelt kiss on the cheek. James had inherited his height from his father. 

The train’s whistle cut through the sounds of the crowded platform. “Have a good term!” They were shooed onto the train and James watched his mother apparate away with a last smile before starting the search for a compartment. 

“You know, I think your Mum was onto something with the exploding turkey,” Sirius said. A pair of third year girls giggled and moved out of their way, batting their eyelashes as the two Gryffindors slid by. Sirius grinned lazily at them. 

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was one of his habits that he’d never managed to shake, no matter how many times Lily Evans called him a prat for it. “I was being serious when I promised her that I’d try and stay out of trouble this year.” Sirius snorted. “If you had been on the receiving end of the lecture McGonagall gave me last year you would feel the same. The Board of Directors wants my ass out in the cold. Something about ‘blind favoritism’ from Dumbledore and ‘an inordinate amount of galleons” being spent on cleaning up after our pranks.”

“Dumbledore loves you.” 

“That’s exactly the point.” The sight of a familiar red head in one of the compartments drew James up short. Lily Evans was sitting inside with her friends Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon. James couldn’t help but stare at Evans as she gazed out the window. The sight of her always brought out two feelings, a desperate ache where James was sure his heart should be and an overwhelming sense of floundering around in a bottomless ocean for the right thing to say, the right action to take to impress her, to make her like him, and one inevitable outcome, drowning whenever he was in her presence.

James Potter was in love and had no idea what to do about it.

He remembered the way those emerald green eyes had glared at him at the end of last year and James Potter was overcome with an emotion he did not often experience: guilt. 

He would be a better person this year. 

“Are you going to stand there being creepy all day?” 

James tore his gaze away from Evans to find one of his best mates, Peter Pettigrew grinning cheekily at him. 

“Pete!” James slapped him on the back in a one armed hug while Sirius barked out a laugh.

“Nice one, Wormtail.”

“Thanks, Padfoot. C’mon, Moony and I have a compartment down this way.” 

With one last glance at Evans, James followed. Peter led them into the next train car to a compartment at the very end. Remus Lupin was sitting inside, legs stretched along the seat, taking up all of the space, and reading that morning’s  _ Daily Prophet _ . He had dark circles under his eyes again and James felt a pang of regret that Remus had to transform by himself during the summer holidays. James had suggested that they run on the Potters’ land but Remus had flat out refused. Instead, he utilized the magically sealed rooms that St. Mungo’s offered to werewolves willing to turn themselves in for the full moon (on condition of anonymity for the night).

“Alright, Moony?” James asked, sliding onto the seat across from him. 

“Well enough,” his friend responded. “This month was tough, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.”  

“I’m afraid I’ve got some terrible news,” Sirius announced dramatically. The rain against the window filled the silence as his friends waited for him to continue. Suspecting he already knew what he was going to say, James rolled his eyes. “Our mate, James has decided to be utterly and completely mental and swear off all forms of debauchery and amusement.”

“What no more midnight snogs with you?” said Peter. Sirius kicked him.

“No more firewhiskey?” said Remus. Sirius kicked him too.

“No. I mean no more pranks of any kind. No more ‘tomfoolery’ is how I think he put it.” 

The three Marauders all stared at James. He shrugged. “I’ve matured.”

“They’re going to kick you out, aren’t they?” Came Remus’ astute observation. 

James shrugged again in response. “The Board members aren’t exactly my biggest fans.”

“Wait,” Peter said after the silence in the compartment stretched. “How come they aren’t threatening to kick Padfoot out too? He has just as many detentions as you do, if not more.” 

“I think I can thank dear old Mum for that.” 

“You’re joking.”

“No, Walburga holds some serious sway with the Board and while she’s all set and done with me being her son, it’s a whole new can of flobberworms to have a Black get expelled. Disowning is one thing, but expulsion is another.”

The four boys stared morosely at one another for a minute before Peter broke out a pack of Exploding Snap. James tried not to think about how different this year was going to be if he couldn’t pull any pranks. He didn’t expect the other Marauders to stop their shenanigans and he resigned himself to watching from the sidelines. It was not an appealing thought. After several lively rounds, during one of which Sirius’ hair nearly caught fire, Remus looked at his watch and swore.

“I’m about to be late to my prefect meeting.” He jumped up to leave.

“Put on your ‘good boy’ smile for Frank so he doesn’t suspect us this year, Remus!” said Sirius. Remus clapped him on the back in acknowledgment and left.

“Want to track down the trolley? I could really go for some pumpkin pasties.” Peter stood up and stretched, back popping. Sirius continued building a house of cards but James hopped up at the mention of another distraction. The fact that food was also involved and he wouldn’t have more time to think about how he was supposed to survive without pranking anyone was an added bonus.

They found the trolley in the next car and waited in the small line of students that had formed.

“Remember the year we ate so many Bertie Bott’s that we were all puking before the train even got to Hogsmeade?” Peter asked with a far off, nostalgic look on his face.

James laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “What was that, Third Year?” 

“I think it was last year actually.”

James laughed even harder. “You’re right that was last year. Blimey, I’d forgotten.”

The two friends laughed and reminisced until they were next in line. James was fishing around in his pocket for some silver sickles when someone spoke up from behind them.

“What’s the matter Potter? Can’t find any sickles rolling around with all of that gold weighing you down?”

James would know that oily voice anywhere. Sure enough, when he turned around Severus Snape was standing in the doorway to one of the compartments, looking just as slimy as always with a sneer across his face. He looked like even more of a git than the last time James had seen him, a fact that James was quick to point out.

“Did you just try to make fun of me for having money, Snivellus? At least I can afford some proper shampoo. I can lend you some money for it, so long as I know it’s going to a good cause, I don’t have a problem with charity.” 

What Lily Evans ever saw in Snivellus, James would never understand. Apparently she had come to her senses as well because she wasn’t talking to him anymore, a turn of events that James was extremely happy with. Thoughts of Lily brought along the thought  of prefects. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere? Instead of accosting perfectly nice people in the train.” With a deliberate slowness, James turned around and paid for a pair of pumpkin pasties and a Chocolate Frog for Sirius.

Snape snarled. “How’s your dear old Mum doing down at the D.M.L.E.? She must be terribly busy these days.”

The sudden change in topic and the tone of Snape’s voice caught James off guard. “What would you know about it?” He said, spinning around and thrusting the pastries at Peter in one movement. He didn’t like the tone Snape had used, the veiled threat as if the Slytherin had something to do with the increase in violent attacks.

A nasty grin spread across Snape’s face and James itched to punch him, to brawl and settle things like a Muggle. Peter must have noticed him tensing up because he placed a warning hand on his sleeve. 

“More about it than you obviously do. Enjoy your first day back. I’m going to go to my meeting where we’re going to talk about all of the different ways we can dock points and make your life a living hell.” And he left.

James stared after him, mouth slightly open and brow furrowed with indignation. “Oi!” He called after the Slytherin Prefect but Peter grabbed his arm before he could follow him. He towed James away from the trolley with a hissed, “No detentions, remember?” and James relented. 

“What does he mean, going after my Mum like that?” James fumed. He accepted the pastie that Peter shoved into his hand and started tearing it into little pieces. “Mums are supposed to be off limits.” He stuffed some of the pastie into his mouth and stomped down the corridor, Peter following behind. 

There was no way that Snape could know about the attacks that the D.M.L.E. was dealing with, right? He was just a stupid Hogwarts Sixth Year. There was no way that this lunatic, this so called Lord Voldemort would recruit kids at Hogwarts. The entire D.M.L.E. was working overtime trying to track him down, aurors working around the clock, and James’ mother was at the heart of it all. Just last week the  _ Daily Prophet  _ had run a story on the murders of the Shacklebolts. Kingsley was a year ahead of James and a fellow member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. James had no idea how to go about consoling his team member about the murder of his parents. He tamped down on the worry that began to blossom in his chest and wished that they were back at the beginning of last year, puking their guts out from eating too many Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. 

When they made it back to their compartment, James shoved a reclining Sirius over so he could sit. “You know,” he said. “I think my Mum really was onto something with the exploding turkey.” 

“Excellent.” Sirius grinned.

*****

James stepped out onto the platform at Hogsmeade Station and immediately wished that he had an umbrella. He didn’t mind the rain, only the drops spattered his glasses and made it difficult for him to see. Sirius and Peter had disembarked ahead of him, beginning the set up for their first prank of the term. Snivellus’ comment about James’ mother had lodged a barb just under his ribs and made his stomach clench. It wasn’t a feeling that James Potter enjoyed. Shrieks and laughter brought his attention back to the crowded platform.

“Honestly, Lily! Did you have to stomp in that puddle? Now my shoes are soaked!” 

Lily Evans threw her head back and laughed before she disappeared into a carriage with Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald. James’ feet were carrying him through the mud and rain to their carriage before his brain even registered what they were doing. This was the perfect opportunity to talk to Evans before the term started. Sure, her annoying friends were with her but he could use this opportunity to just  _ talk  _ to her, like a normal person instead of being the prat he always ended up being around her. Through no fault of his own, James was certain of it. He paused momentarily outside of the carriage, fixing a relaxed grin on his face before poking his head in.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked with what he hoped was a winning combination of cheer and aloofness.  

“Go away, Potter.”

He actually considered listening to her for all of a second, but the rain soaking him down to the bone and the threat of a cold interfering with the Quidditch tryouts he had planned for later in the week changed his mind. “Brilliant,” he said, climbing into to join the three Gryffindor girls. The carriage, having reached its required  capacity, took off towards the castle with a lurch. The combination of the dim lighting with the raindrops scattered across his glasses made it difficult for him to see his new companions. He tried wiping the lenses on the sleeves but that just smeared the water more. Resigning himself to the smudges, James reminded himself for the millionth time to ask Remus for a spell to prevent it from happening again. He looked up to find Lily stalwartly ignoring him by staring out the window. 

_ Don’t be a prat, James _ , he reminded himself. 

“Have a good holiday, Evans?” He thought that that had come out alright, with just the right level of casualness. 

The redhead sniffed and continued to ignore him. He wished it wasn’t so dark in the carriage so that he could see her freckles. 

“Me, personally, I had a great holiday.” When in doubt, talk about yourself right? Without fully intending to, James found himself practically bragging about his visits to Godric’s Hollow and Dover. This always happened when he talked to Lily Evans. Some part of him insisted on showing off while a small voice in the back of his head (which sounded remarkably like Remus) yelled at him that he was mucking everything up. The other voice sounded like Sirius. Judging from the look on Lily’s face, he was succeeding again, with flying colors. He knew that he sounded like a pompous asshole but he couldn’t help himself. When Lily rolled her eyes he winced inwardly and came to the end of his summer tale as quickly as he could. In the silence that followed he stared across the carriage at her and tried to imagine what it would be like if she didn’t hate him so much. To fill the silence he asked MacDonald and McKinnon how their summer holidays were. 

He barely registered MacDonald fluff out her hair and listened with half an ear to her story about Barcelona and something called the Sangria Family.

“Mary I can’t believe you forgot to buy my cauldron cakes,” Marlene complained, interrupting Mary’s story about the Sagrada Familia. 

“I can’t believe that all you’ve done today is complain,” Evans snapped suddenly.

Surprised, James said, “Wow that was sort of harsh, Evans.”

“Thank you for your input, Potter. I was only joking, Mare. You know that.”

“You’re welcome, I do try. Are you sure you were just taking the mickey out of her? That seemed pretty vicious and here I thought that you were friends.”

“We  _ are  _ friends Potter, which is more than I can say for you and I. Why aren’t you sitting with  _ your  _ friends? I didn’t think Black could survive for so long without you at his side.” Her words were harsh but he didn’t think he heard any actual venom in them.

“Oh, I thought that I would get a bit of a change of scenery, y’know? After all,” James said, struck by sudden inspiration. “Sirius is pretty fit but he’s got nothing on the view in front of me.” 

Lily flushed. That was new. James felt a swooping sensation in his stomach. 

“Can you two stop bickering?” said Mary. “You’re ruining my first view of the castle.” 

Lily broke eye contact first and joined her friend in looking through the rain streaked window to the castle rising gloriously beyond. She said something that was too quiet for him to hear, a smile on her lips. 

When the carriage came to a stop, James remembered the plan he had put together with the other Marauders. Thoughts of their plan banished the images of him escorting Lily through the rain and up to the castle. He left her company with a warning to stay away from the Slytherin table and then splashed his way into the castle, ready to do his part in the prank.

*********

When he caught Alexa Jones’ eye at the welcoming feast he immediately knew what was going to happen. She wanted to keep their agreement from last year and James was all too happy to oblige. A little snogging in the corridors after dark did wonders for a bloke’s confidence. He always felt anxious before one of their pranks went off successfully. A tight ball of nerves would form in his stomach in anticipation of a failure. The adrenaline rush eventually eclipsed it and riding the wave was one of James’ favorite past times. After the small explosions went off at the Slytherin table, he felt that he could enjoy the rest of the feast and looked forward to spending time with Alexa.  

He winked at her to let her know that he would meet her at their usual spot, but first he wanted to go up to his room and brush his teeth. Always a stickler for dental hygiene, James insisted on brushing his teeth before every planned make out session. Sirius teased him mercilessly about it, but James never wavered. Minty breath from both parties enhanced the experience. 

He met up with Alexa just as planned. The Ravenclaw asked him how his summer was and James replied with an automatic yes-it-was-fine-how-was-yours, not particularly caring about the response. She responded with a much more sincere answer and, to James’ dismay, seemed to actually want to talk about it. This was a change from last year and, though he realized it was rather shallow, James didn’t like it. He had signed up for snogging sessions, not an actual sort of relationship where they talked about  _ things. _

Alexa seemed to realize his irritation because she cut off her story with a long sigh, and said, “Alright, then.” And reached for him.

Kissing Alexa was always nice. She was skilled at what she did and James always enjoyed the fact that he didn’t have to think about doing anything else. The world shrank down to just the space between the two of them, with the occasional wet smack from their lips when they drew apart and the rustle of fabric as they rubbed against one another. They never went beyond kissing, though. It wasn’t that either of them had something against sex. Alexa had made it clear on multiple occasions that she would gladly have sex with James. 

But James Potter was a virgin and had plans for changing that situation. 

James swore to Sirius one night that he would stay a virgin until Lily Evans wanted and agreed to have sex with him. A snickering Sirius declared that he would never make it. Three years later and James still told Alexa “no” whenever she asked him during particularly steamy parts of their snogging. 

He tried to just lose himself to the moment and enjoy kissing Alexa, but his thoughts kept jumping back to Lily. What was she doing now? She had looked so happy leading the First Years to the dormitories earlier. Was she as excited for the new term to start as he was? Would she show up to the Quidditch tryouts on Saturday? He had heard a rumor that her friend Marlene McKinnon wanted to try out for the team. Maybe she would come in support of her friend. That would be nice. If McKinnon made the team it would increase the likelihood that maybe Lily would come by practices sometimes and-- 

“OH MY GOD.” 

James jerked away from Alexa as if he’d been burned. That had sounded exactly like the girl he’d just been thinking about...while being thoroughly snogged by another girl. 

“Evans, wait!” He found himself saying automatically.

“James!” Alexa shouted in a whisper when he started to follow Lily. She sounded furious and he wouldn’t be surprised if this was the end of their arrangement. 

“Evans, wait up! Just hold on a minute!”

“Why?” Lily snapped. She was walking so quickly now she was practically running away from him. 

Lovely. 

He knew he had to stop her and explain himself because yeah it looked bad, he had been flirting with Lily just a few hours ago and now here he was snogging another girl. But in the span of time between when he called out to her and reached out a hand, James came to a decision. It wasn’t fair to constantly chase after Lily, teasing her and trying to flirt with her when she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. 

_ So why had she blushed earlier? _

No. He was done. Yes, Lily was beautiful and smart and amazing and perfect and fantastic and it would be amazing and perfect and fantastic if she agreed to go on at least one date with him, but it would also be amazing and fantastic if she was his friend. Just not quite perfect. 

The bones in her wrist were slim when he grabbed them and pulled her to a halt. She glared daggers at him and he immediately dropped it.

“Lemme explain,” he said, tripping over his words in his haste to make himself heard.

“Explain? You don’t have to explain anything.”

“But I do,” he insisted. 

“I don’t follow.”

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of the best way to articulate the epiphany he’d just had. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and settled on the most straightforward explanation.“I’m done.”

“Pardon?”

James took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. Merlin but this was more difficult than he thought it would be. “I’m done chasing you.”

“Oh.”  

He wondered what the expression on her face was at that moment but he found it was much easier to stare at the ceiling instead. There was a weird, hollow feeling in his stomach but it was also accompanied by a fluttering feeling that could have been excitement. “I was actually hoping if maybe this year we could be, you know. Friends.” It came out like a question. He was aware that they were standing rather close together but he was determined to keep staring at the stone ceiling. If he looked at her there was a good chance that her green eyes and freckles would make him completely lose his nerve and he was doing his best to make himself not be in love with her anymore. 

“Friends,” Lily said. She paused for a bit before surprising him and saying, “Well, alright.”

He abandoned his survey of the ceiling and forced himself to smile. He was surprised when it was incredibly easy to grin. “Brilliant.” 

Lily stared at him and opened and closed her mouth a few times. She looked like she was at a loss for something to say. An awkward silence descended on what James fervently hoped was actually the start to their friendship.

“Walk back to the common room with me?” James said, breaking the silence.

“Um, don’t you think,” Lily trailed off, waving her hand behind her. 

“What?”

She only continued to gesture and stare at him with wide eyes. And then it clicked. Alexa. 

“Oh, her?” he waved a hand. “Na, that’s probably the end of it anyway.” He started down the corridor.

“So, um,” Lily said, before falling silent again.

To his amusement it looked like Lily was quietly panicking. It made the weird feeling in his stomach relax a little and he decided to try out a nickname. “Relax, Red. Don’t have a panic attack on me.” 

Lily frowned at him. “Fine. You think of something to talk about.”

“Why do we have to talk about anything? Can’t two friends just enjoy each other’s company?”

She made no reply and they continued on their way back to the common room. Eventually he broached the topic of summer holidays again and they talked about that civilly enough. James checked his watch and realized that it was much later than he thought it was. With a sideways glance at Lily, he decided that getting her back to the common room as quickly as possible was for the best. While Hogwarts was supposed to be the safest place for Muggleborns at the moment, you couldn’t be too careful. 

“Alright, Red,” he said when they reached the Fat Lady. “This is where I leave you.” He was happy that Lily hadn’t said anything about the nickname and thought that he might keep on using it unless he thought of a better one. Maybe something more original. He gave the password and then bowed with one hand ushering her through the portrait hole. 

“You’re not coming in?”

“Na,” he said, straightening. “I promised Sirius I’d nick him something from the kitchens.” He lied smoothly. The truth was that he didn’t think he could go back just yet. He wanted to go for a walk and let his thoughts settle for a bit before he had to explain to the other Marauders what he had just done.

“Oh.”

“I couldn’t have you off wandering around the castle this late at night by yourself. It’s not safe these days.” 

“You left that girl by herself,” Lily pointed out. “What’s her name again? I feel awful. I can’t remember.”

He didn’t really want to tell her about Alexa and how she didn’t really matter to him. She was just a kissing partner and he would much rather spend his evenings snogging Lily in dark corridors. But he had just decided to let that dream go and be friends with her instead. All in all it seemed like too complicated of a situation to explain quickly and he really just wanted Lily to go through the portrait hole. “For the life of me I can’t remember,” he settled on, hoping that his jovial tone would get her to leave more quickly.

“You can’t remember the name of the girl you were  _ just  _ snogging?” 

James decided that he really had no idea how to talk to women. Lily sounded angry and he couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Yeah, well she’s not…” he cut himself off before he finished. “Look, will you just go in?”

“Yes, please go in,” said the Fat Lady. “Or shall I just stay open all night?” They both ignored her.

“She’s not what?” A flush started to stain her cheeks and after many years of fighting with her, James knew that they were gearing up for another showdown.  

“She’s not you!” he shouted. 

_ Bloody hell I should not have said that. _

“Merlin, you absolute prat! And here I thought you were trying to be friends because you were ‘done chasing’ me!” Lily’s hands were in fists at her side. That was never a good sign. 

“That’s not what I meant! She’s not…” he took another deep breath. It was better to just tell the truth. Or at least part of the truth. “She’s not a Muggleborn like you. It’s not safe anymore for you to go walking around by yourself.” 

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much. You don’t have to act all noble,” she said sarcastically, “and rescue me.” 

For a moment James was certain that Lily would actually hit him, but instead she stormed into the common room. He stared after her until the Fat Lady rudely asked if he was going in as well. He shook his head no and started walking away. 

He could kick himself for being so stupid. He should have just gone into the common room with her and then left again. It would have been easy. But instead, he’d let his mouth run away again and it had resulted in yet another argument. So much to a solid start with their friendship. He found himself heading down the stairs to the Entrance Hall and let himself smile. 

A run in the moonlight was exactly what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

 

Lily woke early the next morning still mulling over what Potter had said the previous night. Part of her was touched that he seemed to genuinely care enough to make sure that she made it back to the tower alright. The larger part of her was furious that he felt like he had to. This was Hogwarts for goodness sake! Sure the whispers of a dangerous madman on the loose in Britain were getting louder, but that was  _ out there _ . Not in the castle with  _ children  _ going to  _ school _ . And besides Dumbledore being Headmaster, she was a prefect and perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She had scored the highest in the dueling unit in their Defence class last year (behind Potter and Black of course) and knew a fair amount of hexes. She spent so long brooding that Marlene poked her head through the scarlet curtains surrounding Lily’s bed.

“Oh,” the girl said upon seeing Lily awake. “And here I was about to throw a pillow at you to get you up.” Marlene had already applied her makeup and was wearing her trademark dangling earrings.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Would you like to find out?”

Lily groaned and rolled out of bed. “Alright, alright,” she said. “I’ve been up for ages anyway.” 

“Is this about the fight you had with James last night?” 

“Who said anything about Potter?” Lily dug around in her dresser for a clean uniform. 

“I’ve dealt with that look for the past five years.” Marlene perched on the windowsill, arms crossed. “It usually means that the two of you have had another row but you’re the one who did something bad.”

Lily double checked to make sure that the other girls were already down at breakfast. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust them, she reasoned with herself. It was more of the fact that Mary was one of the biggest gossips in the whole school and Emmeline Vance and Dorcas Meadows were proud contributors to the rumor mill themselves. So yes, as much as Lily loved her roommates, maybe it was because she didn’t trust them. But she needn’t have worried; their beds were already made and Emmeline’s hat was gone. Other than Professor McGonagall and (on occasion) Professor Dumbledore, Emmeline was the only person at Hogwarts who actually wore her pointed hat. And somehow she made it look rather fetching too. 

Lily darted into the bathroom to change, the sound of Marlene tapping her foot following her. She applied a quick bit of makeup and pulled her hair into a messy bun after dressing. When she finished the rest of her necessities Marlene was picking at her nail polish. 

“Thank Merlin! I thought you’d be in there forever!” She hopped off the windowsill. “Now, am I right or am I right?”

Lily linked arms with her best friend, pulling her out of the room. “Potter told me that he wants us to be friends this year.”

Marlene laughed. “You’re joking. Just like that?” 

“Just like that,” Lily confirmed. “And honestly, I was willing to give it a chance. I’m so tired of fighting with the git all the time.” They crossed through the common room. It was almost empty with most of the house down at breakfast, collecting their new schedules. Lily recounted her awkward encounter with Potter snogging the Ravenclaw. “I still can’t remember her name. I do feel bad about that.”

“Good for him. At least someone is getting a little snogging in.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “You know, you could just ask Remus to get a butterbeer with you during our first Hogsmeade visit.”

“But I can’t do that!” Shocked, she brought a hand up to her chest. “The first trip is the most important! You can’t just  _ casually  _ ask people to things like that! The first visit is to cement the summer romances or end the ones that fizzled out.”

“Or,” said Lily, laughing as she skipped the trick step on the staircase. “You could use it as an opportunity to start something.”

“We were talking about you,” Marlene unsubtly changed the subject. “Remember?” 

Lily grimaced. “Right.” The indignation she had felt the previous evening started to return. She chewed at her bottom lip. “He wanted to make sure that I got back to the common room alright last night. Said it wasn’t safe for me to be out in the corridors by myself because I’m a muggleborn.” 

“I think that’s sweet of him.”

Lily stopped walking. They were just outside of the Great Hall and the sounds of the student body at breakfast drifted through the open door. So did the smell of food. “Sorry, what?”

“Oh don’t look at me like that, Lily.” Marlene unhooked their arms. “I’ve been telling you for ages that the Marauders are not so bad as you make them out to be. James might be an idiot when it comes to not knowing when to stop,” (Here Lily rolled her eyes at the biggest understatement of the decade) “But I think he has a point about you wandering around by yourself.”

“This is Hogwarts, Mare. What’s going to happen to me here?”

“I think you’re just determined to not like anything that James does, regardless of what it is.” Marlene left her in the Entrance Hall. 

“That is not true,” Lily muttered before following her friend into the Great Hall.

They found Mary eating with Emmeline and Dorcas. Dorcas Meadows had the curliest hair Lily had ever seen and a cute button nose. There was no way around it, Dor was cute but that didn’t mean she couldn’t completely flatten someone with the strongest stunning spell Lily had ever seen. Emmeline looked lovely as ever with her black, pointed hat perched jauntily on her coffee colored hair. 

Lily grabbed a piece of toast and buttered it. If she scraped the knife a little too forcefully across the bread because she was still trying to figure out how she felt about what Potter had said last night, no one but her knew for sure. She listened to the four Gryffindor girls chatter around her without joining in. Em and Dor were busy filling Marlene in about Theodosia Fraser’s new hairstyle (“She looks like a  _ boy  _ with all of it cut off like that and with her physique--”). It was a relief when Professor McGonagall showed up with their schedules. 

It was less of a relief when she realized that they were still scheduled for double Potions with the Slytherins. 

_ At least we still have Defense with the Ravenclaws.  _

The new professor, one Alphard Black, had caused quite a stir the night before when Dumbledore had introduced him as their newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Being a muggleborn, Lily only had a vague idea of the dynamics of pureblood families. Marlene had summed up everything in a quick whisper for her when she saw Lily’s confusion. Apparently, it was now common knowledge that Sirius Black had walked out on his family and moved in with the Potters and been disowned (Lily had had  _ no  _ idea). Professor Black had accepted a position at Hogwarts, ostensibly to keep an eye on Sirius per Walburga Black’s, Professor Black’s sister and Sirius’ mother, orders. Lily had glanced between the newest Hogwarts staff member and her housemate. Neither had so much as looked at the other, but Lily had seen the family resemblance in the set of their jaws. She had wondered what it must be like to have your entire family disown you and still try to control you and spy on you. Looking down the table at Sirius, her relationship with Petunia had suddenly not seemed so terrible. 

“I wonder if Black is going to be any good,” said Marlene after McGonagall was out of earshot, chiding a terrified looking Second Year for blowing bubbles in their orange juice.

“Well,” said Dorcas. “His whole family is tits deep in the Dark Arts so if anyone can teach us the subject it would be on of these fuckers.” Regardless of how cute Dorcas Meadows appeared, she was one of the crassest people Lily knew.

“I guess we’ll find out after lunch,” Em said, getting up from the table. “C’mon, Dor. We told Agnes that we would meet up with her before Charms.” 

Lily waved good-bye as the two girls left and tried not to choke on the crumbs of her toast. Mary thumped her on the back for a bit and then it was time for them to head to Charms as well. 

Lily had a real knack for Charms and she loved Professor Flitwick. Charms had been the first class that she had ever attended at Hogwarts. She had been so nervous back then, convinced that she really had no magical talent whatsoever. Terrified, First Year Lily had shown up so early for class, nearly in tears with dread and panic, that it had just been her and Flitwick in an empty classroom. He had taken one look at her and somehow known exactly what to say to get her to calm down. After that, the tiny Charms professor had held a special place in her heart. 

She trailed behind Mary and Marlene, locked in her memories. She almost missed the enormous writing on the wall. Almost.

 

**DOWN WITH MUDBLOODS**

 

Someone said, “Bloody hell.”

A small crowd had gathered in the corridor, staring at the message written so boldly on the stones with black paint. The crowd had stopped a short distance away from the words. Everyone was reluctant to get any closer. Several of the students cast Lily furtive glances or looked away, embarrassed. She swallowed and wiped her suddenly sweaty palms on her skirt. This was Hogwarts, her home. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen here. Forcing steel into her spine, Lily drew her wand and pulled on her prefect persona as well. 

“That’s quite enough of that.” She vanished the words with a muttered spell. The crowd dispersed with a few more quick glances towards her. She was left with Mary and Marlene standing on either side of her. Mary was visibly upset. She was a muggleborn too. 

The Marauders stood at the other end of the hallway. All four boys looked grim. Lily made eye contact with Potter and quickly looked away. She had been expecting a sort of “I told you so” look, but she hadn’t been prepared for him to look furious. 

Lily’s good mood for the first day of Charms vanished just as quickly as the words she had banished from the wall. 

Everyone was talking about the writing on the wall and it took Professor Flitwick a long time to get everyone focused. Sixth Years were expected to start learning nonverbal spells and this branch of magic required a lot of concentration. After giving a long and complicated lecture during which Lily took enough notes to fill nearly an entire roll of parchment, Flitwick divided them into pairs. They were supposed to practice a spell that would turn their partner’s eyebrows purple, but nonverbal spells were harder than any of them actually imagined. Lily got partnered up with Marlene, as per usual, and the two of them spent the last minutes of class trying (and failing) to turn the other girls’ eyebrows a new color.

“And to think, McGonagall always makes it look so easy,” complained Lily when the end of class finally put an end to their struggle. Marlene sighed in agreement. Together the two friends collected their things and started making their way to their next class.

“It looks like your eyebrows have just a tad more of a lavender tint to them, Padfoot,” Lily heard Potter crow further down the corridor. She found herself rolling her eyes automatically.

“Do you think he actually did?” said Marlene bitterly. 

Lily bit off the rude retort she wanted to say and instead thought of all of the spectacular magic she had witnessed James Potter produce over the years. “Yeah,” she grudgingly replied. “I bet he did.” If James Potter and his compatriots could bewitch the entire castle to cycle through the whole rainbow of colors on the 5th of November, turning each other’s eyebrows purple, even nonverbally, was definitely small potatoes. 

“Lucky bastard,” grumbled Marlene. “What do we have next again?” The blonde began digging in her school bag, searching for her schedule.

“Defense, so c’mon. I want to get a good seat!” Lily grabbed the other girl’s hand and dragged her through the corridor. Professor Black’s appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position had caused quite a stir (to put it mildly) and Lily wasn’t the only one to have her excitement damped by the sight of the crowd waiting outside of the classroom. 

“What, he’s not done yet?” drawled Sirius Black, arriving on the scene at the same time. “Blimey, this is going to be awful.” 

“I wonder if he’s teaching them the Unforgivables in there. He’s got First Years now, right?” Potter and Remus had made their way through the knot of Ravenclaws and Gryffindor Sixth Years. Potter looked grumpy and dower in solidarity with Sirius, any trace of his excitement from Charms gone. 

“Surely Dumbledore wouldn’t hire someone who would actually  _ teach  _ us those things.” Lily felt like she needed to be the voice of reason. The boys scowled even deeper. “Fine. You lot keep being a bundle of joy. I’ll be over here excited and looking forward to a new lesson.” 

Right on cue the door flew open and two dozen excited First Years spilled out into the corridor like water pouring from a broken dam. 

“Wow, he’s amazing!” Lily distinctly heard a girl wearing a Hufflepuff tie say. 

A weight that Lily didn’t realize was sitting under her breastbone lifted at the words. If the little girl was so excited about the new professor, he couldn’t be too terrible. Lily waited for the First Years to clear out before making a beeline for the front row.

“Please not right in the front, Lily,” pleaded Marlene. “You always make us sit in the front.” 

“I like sitting in the front,” said Lily. She selected the seat that was directly in the middle of the front row and draped her bag across the seat, claiming it as her own. Marlene huffed loudly but sat in the seat next to her. “You make a good first impression that way.” Lily pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and arranged it on her desk just so along with a quill, prepped for note taking. 

The classroom was filled with excited chatter as everyone speculated on what sort of lesson they were going to have on their first day with the new professor. The Marauders were uncharacteristically quiet in their usual place at the back of the room, but everyone else gossiped away freely. Just as the noise reached a crescendo, the door to the office opened and Professor Black stepped out, surveying his students with the piercing grey eyes that nearly every member of the Black family possessed.  Everyone shut up immediately. 

Lily was woman enough to admit that Alphard Black was one of the most intimidating men she had ever seen. From her coveted front row seat, the older man absolutely loomed over her. He spent what felt like an eternity staring around the classroom with those grey eyes before finally speaking. His voice was deep and smooth as honey. 

“Good morning. My name is Alphard Black and I’m going to be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. If someone could kindly tell me the name of the creature that guards Azkaban Prison we can get our year started.” 

Professor Black proved himself to be both competent and patient. Over the course of the lecture, he never once lost his temper or failed to answer a question to his fullest ability. Lily didn’t see a hint of the famous Black family temperament and thoroughly enjoyed the lesson. Black had assigned some reading about dementors and they were supposed to think about what their happiest memory was to prepare for practicing the Patronus Charm during their next class. Marlene practically flew out of her seat when Black dismissed them, but Lily stayed behind, carefully repacking her schoolbag. She wanted to introduce herself to the new professor so that he knew who she was when he started grading papers, but also since she was a prefect. She thought that Professor Black should know just in case it became relevant in some way. 

_ Hello, my name is Lily Evans and I’m a Gryffindor prefect. Welcome to Hogwarts! _ She had rehearsed it in her head during the final minutes of class and was ready to say them outloud. She finished packing her bag just as the sound of the last student shuffling out the door faded and she looked up, smiling and ready to reinforce what was already a good first impression. Instead of finding just Professor Black, however, she was surprised to see Sirius standing practically toe to toe with him, glowering. 

“Uncle,” said Sirius tightly. 

The older man smiled. The expression looked natural. “Hello, Sirius.”

The younger Black didn’t respond. He continued to stare at his uncle. 

“Would you care to have tea with me today? I have something that I would like to speak with you about.”

“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Sirius demanded, his voice like ice.

Shock shot through Lily’s whole system. How could someone speak like that to a professor? Sure, she understood that Sirius had some serious issues with his family, but that didn’t excuse speaking like that. She was starting to wish that she had left along with the rest of her classmates. This interaction between uncle and nephew was something that an outsider like her had no business witnessing. The moment felt intimate in the way that one on one family encounters always were. Ever so carefully, Lily stood and started to pull her school bag over her shoulder. She tried not to listen to their conversation.

Alphard Black sighed heavily and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “Sirius,” he began.

“No,” Sirius cut him off. “Tell her to get the fuck out of my life.” Sirius glared at his uncle for a second longer and then stomped out of the room. “And you can fuck off too,” he said over his shoulder.

Lily let out a shaky breath that she didn’t realize she was holding and started inching her way towards the door.

“You’re Lily Evans, right?” said Professor Black, taking her by surprise. Her cheeks flushed automatically. He was staring at the spot on the floor where his nephew had just been, the smile replaced with a frown.

“Yes sir,” she responded, slightly panicked by the idea that the professor already knew who she was. Silence stretched out between them. “I’m sorry sir, I--”

He waved a hand to cut her off. “There’s no need to apologize. Are you...friends with my nephew?”

“Well we aren’t exactly close…” Lily trailed off. In all honestly, she could probably count the number of one on one conversations she’d had with Sirius over the years on one hand. 

“I might have already lost my chance with him years ago,” he said after a heavy sigh. “But, if you could convince him to speak with me you would have my gratitude, Miss Evans.” 

Lily found herself agreeing. “Right. I’ll just...do that.” She bobbed her head in a sort of goodbye and left the classroom feeling flustered. Not for the first time she cursed the pale skin that went hand in hand with her red hair; she felt like an egg would fry on her face. Witnessing a confrontation between two Black family members was not something that she wanted to repeat. 

As she practically ran down the hallway she tried turning ideas over in her head that were better than just saying, “Hey, Sirius! So your uncle told me to tell you that you should totally talk to him because he wants to talk to you and I think that it’s a good idea too.” 

Family was important and as much as Sirius liked to pretend that he was the biggest badass in school, she knew that deep down he was still hurting from his family history. The image of Sirius telling a professor to fuck off flashed through her mind. It was just probably buried deep, deep down. And since she wanted Professor Black to like her, and since she was a good person, Lily was going to try her hardest to get Sirius to talk to his uncle. 


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Lily woke early and enjoyed a peaceful breakfast in the Great Hall with just a few of the ghosts for company. Her class schedule for the day included Muggle Studies and a double Potions session. She always enjoyed Slughorn’s class but her stomach twisted in knots when she thought about having to see Sev yet again. After their O.W.L.s last term, there were going to be fewer people taking Potions up to the N.E.W.T. level which increased the odds that she would have to work with him instead of finding a new partner for the first time in five years. She even considered dropping Potions briefly, but the dreams of becoming a Healer coupled with the inevitably crestfallen look on Professor Slughorn’s face stopped her. 

Ever since her father had contracted the cancer that eventually took his life, Lily had wanted to become a Healer. Watching her father waste away in front of her eyes had been awful, and she had been powerless to help. Lily hated feeling powerless. So, in memory of her father, she would deal with Severus Snape in Potions, even if it made her completely miserable for the next two years.

But first, Muggle Studies.

Marlene had accused Lily of cheating when she first signed up for Muggle Studies (“Honestly, Lily! You’re practically a Muggle yourself! What could you possibly learn that’s new?”). But the truth was that Lily had signed up for the class because she knew that it was going to be easy. Studying Muggles from the wizarding perspective was fascinating, but it was also a cinch and she relished having at least one class where she didn’t have to constantly fight against the nagging voice in the back of her head that insisted that no matter what words she said or how she moved her arm, levitation was impossible and magic didn’t exist.

She was almost late for class because a pair of Third Years had decided that dueling in the hallways was a great way to start their mornings and she had to report them. When she finally slipped into the classroom, the only seat left was in the back corner and she made a beeline for it, hoping that Professor Durand wasn’t already in the room. It took her a moment to process who she had sat down next to.

“Sirius! What are you doing here?”

He stretched one arm high in the air and let it rest on the back of her chair. “Same as you, Evans. I’m here to learn.”

“You’re joking,” she said, the words coming out harsher than she intended. 

“Wish I was.”

“But why?” Lily wanted to know. 

Sirius lifted one shoulder to his ear in a shrug. “Figured it would piss my parents off the most, learning about Muggles.” 

Lily was saved from having to respond by the arrival of Professor Durand. She spent the class only half paying attention to her note taking. The other half of her brain was trying to imagine what it must be like to hate your family so much that you formed your entire life to be as different from them as possible and purposely tried to make them hate the person you became. 

“Hey, Evans! Are you even paying attention?”

She snapped to attention to find Sirius about to poke her in the arm. He hastily put his hand down and settled for raising an eyebrow at her. 

“What?”

“We’re partners.”

“What?” Lily repeated dumbly. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Blimey, and they say you’re one of the smartest in our year.” He gestured at Professor Durand who was currently sorting through a stack of papers on his desk. All around them students were packing up. Class was finished. “We have to do a presentation on  the ways Muggles have managed long distance travel without apparation.” 

She looked down at her notes. The last thing she had scribbled was about the London Underground before her notes dissolved into scribbles. “Oh.”

“Want to meet up after dinner in the library to start working on it?”

Lily blinked at him as he started packing up his bag. Sirius Black willingly making plans to work on homework? “Sure.” She agreed. 

He seemed to notice the look on her face because he laughed. “This may come as a shock to you, Evans. But I do work on occasion. And besides,” he stood up. “The sooner we get this finished, the more time we’ll have to talk about other stuff.” 

“Other stuff?” 

He winked at her and exited the classroom. 

Lily stared after him, wondering what “other stuff” could possibly mean. She shoved her books into her bag, said goodbye to Professor Durand, and followed the other students out of the classroom.

***

Her meeting with Sirius went surprisingly well. They divided the work evenly between the two of the them and the other Gryffindor only mentioned her Muggleborn status once to clarify whether or not she knew how a combustion engine worked. (“Not even a little bit, Sirius.”) After the initial adjustment period of having Sirius as a new study partner, Lily quickly settled into the new term. September flew by. She still hadn’t figured out how to tell Sirius to talk to his uncle, but then again their conversations in Muggle Studies tended to focus more on how boring they both found the class. Occasionally Sirius would mention James which nine times out of ten resulted in Lily rolling her eyes and making a sarcastic comment which would make Sirius laugh and proclaim, “Maybe you’re not so bad after all, Evans!” 

The first Quidditch match of the season was Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff. Lily opted out of attending the match in favor of enjoying the quiet of the castle. She had woken up in a good mood and joined the rest of the school at breakfast that morning, wishing her friends a good time in the stands. Then she hunkered down in the library, intent on finishing up an essay that Professor McGonagall had assigned the Sixth Years. She spent an enjoyable hour or so humming quietly to herself while researching the difficulties of vertebrate to invertebrate cross-species transfiguration before deciding that she would stretch her legs for a bit. It was when she was walking along a fourth floor corridor that her good mood evaporated. 

At the far end of the corridor a group of students were painting foot tall, inky black letters on the wall. They all wore their hoods up and fled around the corner when they heard her footsteps. 

“Hey!” Lily yelled, chasing after them. “Stop!” No one was going to get away with vandalizing the school hallways if she could help it. She glanced briefly at the writing on her way by, but one look was enough for her to forget about the chase and skid to a stop. There, bold as brass in the fourth floor corridor, words were painted that made ice flow through her veins that were previously filled with fire.

**KILL THE MUDBLOODS**

 

***

“And you couldn’t see who wrote it?”

“No, Headmaster. It...shocked me so much that I stopped going after them.” 

“I see.” 

Professor Dumbledore sounded disappointed and Lily couldn’t blame him. If only she had gotten a better look at the students who vandalized the corridor. The shock of the message had derailed her from her duty of giving out detentions to people who definitely deserved them. She was sitting in the Headmaster’s office, the portraits of past headmasters looking on as she related her tale. She had tried to vanish the horrible message, but the words had stubbornly stayed fixed on the wall. In the end she enlisted the help of another prefect. The Ravenclaw had started directing students returning indoors after the Quidditch match away from the hallway while Lily had tracked down Dumbledore. 

“I’m afraid that there’s nothing we can do.” The headmaster sat behind his desk, fingers steepled.

“What? What do you mean?” 

“You did not get a good look at those responsible and as they did not hurt anyone there will be no need for an investigation. The best thing to do is remain vigilant in case of further disturbances.”

Lily wanted to jump out of her chair and scream. How could Professor Dumbledore say something like that? How could he sit there, without a care in the world while students at his school painted Death Eater propaganda on the walls? She wanted to  _ do  _ something, give the perpetrators detention at least. But instead she said, “I see,” and tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. Dumbledore dismissed her a few moments later.

She ran into a pack of overly excited Hufflepuff Third Years from which she inferred a Hufflepuff victory. She had a fleeting thought about how James must be feeling. He probably brought a notebook with him down to the pitch to take notes about how both teams performed, ready to drill his team to the best of their abilities. She smiled at the picture of James studiously taking notes while the stands around him erupted in cheers. The detour she had to take down to the Great Hall to avoid the writing on the wall darkened her mood again. It was only October and, somehow, Lily had a feeling that this was just the beginning. 

 

***

Alice and Frank called an emergency meeting for the prefects. Apparently Professor Dumbledore wanted them to start patrolling the corridors in pairs for the first hour after curfew. Lily sat next to Remus for the entirety of the meeting and stalwartly ignored looking in Sev’s direction. She had a feeling that his new friends in Slytherin were responsible for the script on the wall.She had to believe that Sev himself wasn’t involved. She wasn’t sure how she would feel if the boy who claimed to be her best friend, who had claimed to  _ love  _ her could write such horrible things about her. After Frank informed them that they would be posting sign up sheets in the Heads’ Office for everyone to pick their partners, they were dismissed. Sev called after her at the end of the meeting but she made a point to walk with her arm linked with Remus’. Remus raised an eyebrow at her but continued walking arm and arm with her, as if it was an activity they did often together.

“Sorry, I didn’t ask first,” Lily said, ducking her head. 

Remus looked over his shoulder. “I can guess what the occasion is.” Lily could picture what he saw--Sev standing in the hallway, alone and looking all dejected. She willed herself to harden her heart and forget about him. It was definitely something easier said than done. 

“I just wish I didn’t feel so…” she trailed off, searching for the right word. How could you sum up your best friend, who you had spent the past five years defending, confirming all of the most negative accusations about their personality and proving you wrong in worst way possible. “Heartbroken,” she settled on the word, drawing it out like pulling poison from a wound.

“It’s hard when you can’t trust the people closest to you. It took me a really long time to trust my friends with something that I can’t help,” Remus said. It was strange to hear him speak about something personal. Generally, he tried to steer conversations the two of them had away from anything involving his personal life. Lily knew him as a very private person. “Like how you can’t help but be a Muggleborn, that’s something that your true friends have to accept. Even the bad stuff, friends are supposed to accept all of you.” 

It almost sounded like he was repeating something that someone else had said to him, like it was a mantra, important for both the truths it contained but also because it was something to repeat in the dark, alone at night. Her interest piqued, Lily began to wonder what Remus was really trying to tell her. What parts of Remus did the other Marauders accept, even though they were bad?

“Don’t you want to know why I leave Hogwarts all the time?” Remus asked, bitterness and what sounded like self loathing creeping into his voice for the first time.

It felt like a test. Like if she gave the wrong answer in this fragile moment, their friendship would change. Maybe she would finally figure out whether or not Remus really was in a band like Marlene insisted, or if his mother really was ill. She looked at the tired boy who walked like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders, thought of the strained smiles and the shaking hands she had witnessed over the years. Lily decided that if he didn’t want to tell her, she had no business trying to pry the truth from his fingers.

She shrugged, trying to lighten the mood. “I think it’s really none of my business. I can still be your friend and not know every little tiny detail about your life, Remus.” 

He shook his head but pulled her arm in a little closer. In the cold air of the dim corridor, Remus was a heater at her side. “Thank you,” he said so quietly that Lily couldn’t be sure if he had said anything at all. They walked all the way back to Gryffindor Tower together, neither saying much. Lily struggled to keep her imagination in check, her mind forming theory after theory, discarding them almost as soon as they surfaced, as to why Remus felt the way he did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated!!

James concentrated on counting his breaths and keeping his exhalations in time with his feet pounding against the path. Early morning runs around the lake were one of his favorite parts of being back at school. He woke before everyone else did and ducked out of the dorm without waking everyone, and then ran until the sun rose. 

This morning the temperature difference between the chilly air and the lake were large enough that great swaths of steam rose off of the calm waters of the lake. He could see dragonflies drifting lazily near the surface of the water. 

The first few weeks back at school had gone by relatively quickly. Quidditch season was in full swing and apart from a few minor occurrences, James had kept his promise to his mother to keep his nose clean. They had still run the grounds with Mooney but nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The appearance of the second anti-Muggleborn propaganda had left Hogwarts feeling uneasy and James ready to hit something, but so far there had been no further escalation. 

He knew that it was only a matter of time. 

New anti-Muggle legislation was introduced to the Ministry every day and anti-Muggle and -Muggleborn demonstrations were increasing in number. His father had sent a letter saying that his mother was getting called into the D.M.L.E. office more and more frequently. Just the other day,  _ The Daily Prophet  _ reported the disappearance of Licinia Bones. His father warned James to be careful at school and keep his friends out of trouble. 

His thoughts flashed to Lily chasing the students who had written the message on the wall. Next time, they might not run away. Next time, they might fight. 

With this troubling thought in mind, James finished his morning run and began walking back up to the castle to get some breakfast. He conjured a towel and used it to wipe the sweat from his face before hanging the towel over his shoulder. This early in the morning (a quick glance at his watch told him it was just after seven) he expected the tables to be empty of any other students. Occasionally he would run into a stray Hufflepuff awake for some reason or another, but generally he could break his fast in peace before getting cleaned up for the day. He caught sight of Lily sitting by herself at the end of the table reading a letter and immediately wished that he wasn’t so sweaty. He probably smelled like a bloody bundimun. 

“Good morning, Red,” he greeted cheerfully. 

Lily looked up from her letter with puffy, red eyes. It looked like she had trouble recognizing him at first. “Oh, James,” she sniffed and wiped at her eyes hastily. “G-good morning.”

“Hey now, what’s wrong?” He reached out to touch her shoulder but changed his mind at the last second and rested it on the table instead.

“Oh it’s nothing,” she said thickly, slapping the letter down on the table. She wiped at her eyes again. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised or why it hurts so much. It’s not like I didn’t see this coming but I thought that after everything with Dad…” her bottom lip trembled as she trailed off. 

Feeling decidedly out of his element, James tried to channel his mother. She was always good at things like this. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lily threw her hands in the air and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s really stupid.”

“It can’t be that stupid if it’s making you like this.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s my sister.”

James didn’t know much about Lily’s home life but he knew that her sister was very against anything magic related. He suspected it had to do with jealousy. 

“She’s getting married to this total prat Vernon this summer. He’s the most boring, boorish person I have  _ ever  _ had the displeasure of meeting.”

“What, worse than me?” James joked. 

Lily, still staring at a point just over his shoulder made a sound that could have been a slight laugh. “Not even close. At least you’re fundamentally a good person. You just like to act like a prat.” His stomach flipped at this comment but Lily was just getting started in her tale. “But Petunia likes him because he’s got a good job and their marriage will be stable.” The way she said it sounded like it was a direct quote from someone. “Anyway after everything that happened with Dad I thought that...I don’t know, that maybe we had mended some of our fences? That maybe we could go back to being friends like we used to be? I was supposed to be in the wedding party because I’m her  _ sister  _ but my mum’s just written to tell me that I’ve been taken out of it because Vernon wants his sister to be in the party instead. And Petunia said that my hair would clash with the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses anyway.”

“Wow that’s--” Horrible? He had no idea what to say. Lily took a deep breath and seemed to get better control of her emotions.

“You see? I told you it was stupid.”

“I think that your sister is the one who’s stupid.”

Her lips quirked into a watery smile. “You and Marlene said the same thing. And I know that, I  _ know  _ that,” she repeated with conviction. “But I can’t help being upset about it, you know? She’s my sister and I love her.” She wiped the rest of her tears away. “Would you like a cup of tea, James?”

Taken off guard by the question, James blurted, “What?”

“Tea. Would you like a cup? You sat there listening to my sob story, I thought I could pour you a cup.” She picked up the teapot in front of her in demonstration. 

“Oh. Sure.” 

Lily poured a dark, fragrant tea into an extra mug for him. He picked it up and smelled it. “This is...different.” It smelled a bit like Christmas, but full of spice. James wrinkled his nose.

She laughed at his reaction. “It’s chai.”

“Chai?”

“Chai.”

He took an experimental sip and marveled at the complex array of flavors the tea brought to him. “Wow, this is nice!” 

“It’s my favorite,” she said, refilling her own cup. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, drinking their tea. James noticed Lily add in cream and sugar and followed her example. The sweetened tea was even better than drinking it black. Lily wiped away her remaining tears and James allowed himself to ask another question.

“What happened with your dad?”

Lily put her tea down and looked him in the eye for the first time since their conversation had started. “He died,” she said simply. “Over the summer. He got cancer. It was really hard on all of us and my mum and my sister didn’t want me to come back to Hogwarts, but I wanted to finish my studies. Mum says that Tuney thinks I abandoned them,” she gestured back at the letter. 

James’ mind raced. Her father had died over the summer. This was the first time he had heard her mention something this important. Pity poured into his heart. “Bloody hell, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your pity, James.”  

“Right, but...I am sorry.” 

They finished drinking their tea in silence. Lily finished first and gathered her belongings. “I’ve got to get ready for class. I’ll see you later. Oh, and James?” She paused on her way to go.

“Yeah?”

“You smell worse than a bundimun.” 

***

October gave way to November and soon the weather outside grew bitter cold and snow drifted across the grounds. Lily started to wear her sweater in between classes. As much as she loved Hogwarts, she didn’t love how cold the corridors got during the winter months. Cold seeped from the stone walls and Potions in the dungeons was particularly miserable. She always huddled close to the flames at the base of her cauldron with Marlene. 

On particularly cold Friday in late November, she took her usual seat in Muggle Studies and arranged her books in the usual way so that there was a slight wall between her and Sirius. The boy had a tendency to drift into her personal space anyway, but Lily liked to think of the books as another form of deterrent. Over the course of the term she had discovered that Sirius was a very  _ tactile  _ person and liked to be very close to the people he interacted with. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Sirius. If anything, the exact opposite was true. His presence in the class had surprised her at first but the explanation he’d given her about wanting to annoy his family the most had made sense. But then she saw the way he scribbled just as many notes as she did during class and she realized that he actually enjoyed the class, as much as he liked to deny it. And he was a surprisingly good partner to have for projects. He met all of the deadlines they set for each other and sometimes he offered sound advice on various things in her life. 

When he saw her upset the day after she spoke to James in the Great Hall about her sister his advice had simply been, “Fuck them.” His direct honesty had made her feel better, something that still surprised her. Another time he brought chocolate chip cookies to class, saying that he’d knicked them from the kitchens. That turned into Lily’s favorite class of the year. 

She finished arranging her books and thought back to the conversation she had had with Professor Black at the beginning of term, about trying to get Sirius to talk to his uncle. The old man had seemed genuinely concerned about his nephew and during class seemed only knowledgeable and friendly, the exact opposite of what she had been led to expect of any member of the Black family. She thought about her own tiny family and how she would do anything for the opportunity to talk to her dad again. 

“Good morning, Evans,” Sirius greeted as he threw himself into the chair next to her. He raised an eyebrow at the small tower of books that she had erected between them. “Still? I thought our friendship had progressed to the point where you would stop doing this.”

“I just like a little personal space, is all,” Lily defended herself.

He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, alright, I get it. Hands to myself.” He took out a piece of parchment and began arranging his things for the start of class. Another thing that had surprised Lily; Sirius Black liked to be organized with his note taking and actually showed up on time to classes, or at least the classes the other Marauders weren’t in with him. Lily suspected that this had to do with keeping up appearances as a group. 

“Um, Sirius,” she began. 

“Hm?” He didn’t look up from starting the heading for today’s notes. 

“We’re friends, right?”

“Hell yeah, we’re friends, Evans.” He clapped her on the shoulder but kept his attention on the parchment in front of him. 

“You’ve helped me a lot with my family stuff--”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I just told you to fuck them. That’s not actual advice.”

“True. But it did make me feel better.”

“Than my job here is done,” he joked. 

“Sirius, I think you should talk to your uncle,” Lily said quickly, connecting each syllable so that it all sounded like one word.

That got his attention. His head snapped up and he glared at her. For the first time she saw the resemblance between him and the other members of his family that she had encountered. His grey eyes flashed and she remembered Bellatrix Black, the terrifying Slytherin who had graduated last year. 

“No,” he said coldly. 

“He just wants to talk to you. I think he’s worried about you.”

“He’s here to spy on me!”

“You don’t know that! He just wants to make sure that you’re okay.”

“Yes, yes I do,” his voice grew colder. “Drop this, Evans.” 

“But-”

“No.”

Searching his face and seeing nothing but an impenetrable wall, Lily realized that she had crossed a line. The only way Sirius had survived all of those years living at home before he left was by building high, thick walls. Behind high walls he was safe from his family’s venom. She saw how he interacted with his brother, Regulus when they crossed each other’s paths. Even the remote possibility that one of them could care was enough to pull apart his carefully constructed fortifications. And Lily had just caused a crack to form. 

 Sirius ignored her for the rest of the class and when the bell rang he was one of the first out of the classroom. Lily sighed and gathered up her things. There was a good chance that Sirius would ignore her for the rest of the year now. But, she reasoned, she had to try. If Professor Black could be trusted, and Lily believed he could be, then Sirius had a shot at having a familial relation that wasn’t a complete and utter disaster. 

She had a meeting with Professor McGonagall during her free period that afternoon to get to so she packed up quickly after class. Lily had confided in the Transfiguration professor that she had had a change of heart about what her future career plans were. After watching her father struggle against his cancer, Lily decided that she wanted to be a Healer. Professor McGonagall had assured her that she only had to reshuffle her schedule a little bit to accommodate the change and everything would sort itself out. She just had to make sure that her grades remained topnotch. And Lily was happy to report that there were no worries there.

 

***

“So I hear that it’s Mary’s birthday on Tuesday.”

“Is that so, Pete?” Sirius looked intrigued.

“Well, obviously we have to help her celebrate,” James said. He set his quill to the side; he could finish working on his essay for McGonagall later.

“What happened to keeping your nose clean and staying out of trouble this year?” Remus asked. He didn’t even bother looking up for the book he was reading from his position across the table from James. They were camped out in the Gryffindor common room, books and parchment strewn haphazardly across the table. It all looked very productive and studious if you ignored the dozens of games of tic-tac-toe scribbled in the margins and the score table that read “Padfoot 36--Wormtail 38.” 

James rolled his eyes at Remus’ comment. The werewolf might protest their prank pulling now, but James knew from experience that he enjoyed it just as much as the other Marauders did. Remus just liked to make a fuss at the start of things.

“I think this might call for my mother’s favorite recipe,” James said. It had been ages since they had had a reason to use it. The last time had been for his father’s sixty-fifth birthday celebration and his mother had laughed so hard that her tea had squirted out of her nose. Once his father had gotten over the shock he had laughed heartily as well. “It’ll be the perfect Christmas break send off.”  

“Brilliant,” Peter and Sirius said at the same time. They grinned at each other. 

“I’ve always wanted to make one since you told us about it,” said Peter. 

“The only problem,” said James, leaning back in his chair until it balanced precariously on two legs, “is that I’m rubbish at the charm. That was one of the reasons that mum found it so funny. But luckily I know just the person who can help me with it.”

“Oh, I thought that you would never ask, Prongs!” crooned Sirius. He batted his eyelashes.

“Don’t be thick, Padfoot. You’re just as rubbish at Charms as I am.”

“Besides, it’s obvious that he’s going to ask Lily for help, isn’t it?” said Remus. 

This time it was Sirius’ turn to roll his eyes. “I still don’t see what you see in her, mate. I’ve got class with just her three times a week and she’s so boring.” There was something behind that comment there, behind the sudden reversal of Sirius’ attitude towards Lily that James made a mental note to ask about later. 

“That,” James said as he fished the Marauders’ Map out of his bag, “is because she thinks you’re an idiot and she doesn’t like you at all.”James chuckled at the offended look on his best friend’s face. 

“We’ll work on getting everything else together,” said Remus.

James beamed at him. “I knew you’d get on board eventually, Mooney.” He left his friends in the common room to get organized. He had a redhead to find.

As always, searching with the Map was an incredibly simple process. James guessed that on a Saturday afternoon, Lily was most likely to be in the library getting as much work done as possible so she could enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon like she always did. A quick glance at the Map proved that he was right. His route down to the library took him down the fourth floor corridor where the Slytherins had painted the anti-Muggleborn propaganda on the wall. The news had spread through the school like wildfire and even though Lily hadn’t seen any of their faces or any sort of identifying House colors on their robes, James was certain that they were Slytherins. Who else would spout such blood purity nonsense? Looking at the large, black letters on the wall James could feel his pulse pounding in his ears and he had to make a conscious effort not to crumble the Map in his hand. It was almost time for students to go home for the holidays and the professors still hadn’t figured out a way to get the words off of the wall. If he ever got his hands on the people responsible…

Spoiling for a fight, James rounded the last corner to the library but the corridor was empty. It was probably for the best. The quickest way for the Board to remember their promise to expel him and all of his friends would be to pick a fight in the hallway and hex someone from Slytherin into next week. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. Approaching Lily when he was already looking for a fight was a guarantee to ruin their fledgling friendship.

Madam Pince, the librarian glared at him from behind her desk when he walked into the library. He winked and was proud of himself for the faintest bit of a flush that stained her cheeks afterward. Then he remembered that flirting with the librarian was also probably not the best thing he could be doing at the moment. 

He found Lily at a table next to a window. She had textbooks stacked up in a frighteningly high pile and bits of parchment littered the table. He watched as she scratched her nose with the tip of her quill and left a spot of ink behind. He laughed quietly and that was when she looked up and noticed him. 

“What?” she scowled.

“Oh nothing,” he responded, taking the seat across from her. “Just you’ve got ink on your nose now.”

Lily flushed and tried to use her sleeve the wipe the offending liquid off, but just succeeded in spreading it out more. 

“Here,” he conjured a handkerchief and reached across the table. “May I?” Lily stared at him, wide eyed, before nodding. He tried to ignore how loudly his heart sounded as he leaned closer. Her eyes were so green that he could just lose himself in them forever, he decided. They were so close that, if he really wanted to he could count the freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose and across her forehead. He willed his hand not to shake as he wiped the ink off of her skin as carefully as possible. Friends. They were supposed to just be friends. Friends would wipe ink off of each other’s noses, right? As he quickly sat back in his chair he tried to imagine doing something similar with Sirius or Remus and couldn’t. 

Being friends with Lily Evans was going to be harder than he thought.

Lily looked a bit pink when she asked him what he was doing there. Interesting. 

“I actually need your help with something,” he said in response.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “ _ You  _ need  _ my  _ help with something?”

“Shocking, I know.” She actually laughed and James found himself relaxing into the moment. 

“Well, what can I do for your, Mr. Potter?” she asked, mock serious. She folded her hands in front of her. 

“You’re the best in our year at Charms,” he began. She looked pleased and James took it as encouragement. “And you’re good friends with Mary MacDonald too.”

“Okay,” Lily said slowly, drawing out the word. “Where is this going, James?”

“I need you to enchant a cake for me, Red.” 

“A cake.”

“A cake,” he agreed.

“Enchant a cake.”

“Yup.”

“For Mary,” said Lily. 

“That’s right.” 

She raised an eyebrow again. “What kind of enchantment?”

James grinned. “The best kind.” When he told her she started laughing loud enough that the Seventh Year sitting at the table across from them shushed her. 

“Why do you need my help? That sounds like the type of spell that you would be good at!” 

“Well, I tried it once before and it didn’t work.” He could feel the back of his neck start to heat up. His mother still liked to bring up the incident and call it ‘cute.’

“Really? What happened instead?” Lily asked, intrigued. 

James waved his hands in front of his face. “That’s not important! What is important is that this would make a really spectacular surprise for Mary on her birthday and it’s up to you to put the finishing touch on it!” 

Lily smiled. “I’ll only help if you tell me how you mucked it up.” 

He narrowed his eyes at her. “You drive a hard bargain, Red. Truly.” Taking a deep breath and bracing himself for the same reaction everyone else had, he told her. 

And sure enough, she started laughing again, harder than before. The Seventh Year hushed them again. James crossed his arms across his chest defensively. “I’m sorry but that’s just so good,” Lily wheezed. “I bet you thought that you were so clever and then it backfired. It literally backfired! I can just see the look on your face, all covered in icing.” She wiped what James was not entirely sure was a fake tear from her eye. “With the mechanics of that spell, I thought it would squeak!”

“Are you done yet?”

She took a deep breath. The intensity of her answering grin was nearly blinding. “I’ll help you surprise Mary for her birthday, James.” 

His brain flatlined momentarily and he couldn’t think of a proper response. After what seemed like an eternity he responded with a grin in kind. “Brilliant.” He outlined the particulars of the spell. Lily immediately caught on to the incantation that they need which was far from surprising. She was one of the smartest people he knew, which was saying something since he and his friends figured out how to become Animagi. 

They made plans to meet up the morning of Mary’s birthday to put the finishing touches on the cake. 

“I guess I’ll see you later then,” Lily said, smiling that perfect smile at him. 

_ Friends, friends, friends,  _ James chanted to himself. “Yeah, definitely.” He smiled back at her. The two continued to grin at each other and James realized that he didn’t want to leave just yet. “So are you going home for Christmas, then?” He asked to give them something else to talk about. 

Lily wrinkled her nose. “No, if I go home I’ll have to help with the wedding planning.” She shuddered. “No, I’m staying here. I’ve got some extra studying to do anyway if I want to get into the healing program I want.”

“Oh, you want to be a Healer? How come I didn’t know that?”

She laughed. “Well it’s more of a recent development. Not all of us knew that we wanted to be Aurors from the day we turned five, James.”

“What can I say?” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I know what I want out of life.”  _ Which is you, I want you.  _ “What made you want to be a Healer?” he asked, hopefully making himself sound like less of a prat.  _ ‘I know what I want out of life, honestly _ , he chided himself.

“My dad,” came the reply. “When he got sick...none of the Muggle doctors could help him, you know? And I knew that there wouldn’t be anything that the wizarding doctors could do either. Magic might be able to save some people, but it’s still not a cure-all for everything. I decided that I wanted to try and do some good, maybe do some looking into on magical cures for cancer? Or do some research on rare diseases like dragonpox. If I could save a family from going through what mine did...that would be worthwhile.” 

In that moment, James Potter realized that his determination to just be friends with Lily Potter was going to be absolutely useless. As she sat there in the library, with the light from the setting sun lighting up her beautiful red hair in a fiery halo, he knew that he was done for. 

The silence stretched between them a little too long and Lily reached over and hit him on the arm. “What? What are you thinking about?” 

“Honestly?” James asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yes, honestly! I feel like I’ve just bared my soul to you with all of my future hopes and dreams and you’re just staring at me with your mouth open like a fish.”

He gulped. “Honestly I’m thinking that I should put you in touch with my father. He’s a Healer at St. Mungo’s.”

 

***

For weeks, all anyone could talk about was how Lily Evans had joined forces with the Marauders to give Mary MacDonald the scare of her life on her birthday. The little lunchtime celebration that she had with her friends had started off as normal as normal could be. Marlene, Emmeline Vance, Dorcas Meadows, and Lily all gave her presents while they ate lunch and at some point the Marauders moved over to join them in their festivities. 

Then James brought out the cake.

It was chocolate and raspberry, Mary’s absolute favorite. She lauded her friends over the work they had obviously put into the triple tiered cake and magnanimously claimed that everyone could have a piece after she had the first one. As she started cutting the cake, Lily caught James’ eye from across the table. He winked at her and she laughed, just in time for a loud, piercing shriek to erupt. Mary fell over in shock as her birthday cake screamed bloody murder, startling everyone in the Great Hall. After the screaming subsided, the cake started emitting loud and rude raspberries causing everyone to double over in laughter. 

James high-fived Lily across the table.

Once Mary recovered from her shock, she thought the prank was clever. “A raspberry cake blowing raspberries,” she said, shaking her head and dishing out pieces. “After a shock like that you should be happy that I’m still giving the lot of you some of this bloody cake!” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm back lmao sorry y'all. I have no excuse

The day everyone else left for the holidays, Lily stayed in her pajamas, wrapped up in a dressing gown, and had a cup of tea in front of the fireplace in the common room. Just as he was rushing out the door, James had stopped to say goodbye, promising to write to her over the holiday so that she wouldn’t get lonely. She waved him off. The chances of James Potter actually remembering to write to her were pretty slim, she thought. That boy was always on the move, always in a rush to get somewhere else that the vision of him sitting still long enough to pen a letter was almost absurd. 

She thought of her mother and Petunia sitting down to a small Christmas dinner, probably joined by Vernon, and felt something twist in her stomach. They would probably talk about her too about how she was abandoning the family by choosing her education over them, and about how having a witch in the family was useless if she couldn’t magically cure everything, or make the family wealthy. As many times as Lily had tried to explain it to them, she was a witch, not a genie in a magic lamp. She refused to cry anymore about the situation.

But that didn’t mean that her vision didn’t blur with unshed tears.

After the initial bustle of students leaving for the holidays a hush settled over the castle. Of the entire house, only Lily and Mary were staying behind. While Lily was staying at Hogwarts to avoid her family, Mary was staying because of a boy.

Lily wouldn’t say that she  _ disapproved  _ of Mary dating a Slytherin. Afterall, until just a few months ago her best friend had been a Slytherin. But there was just something about Mulciber that made Lily’s skin crawl. He always leered at her and made inappropriate comments and couldn’t keep his hands to himself. 

So yes, Lily did disapprove of Mary dating a Slytherin.

According to Mary, he was fantastic in bed and that was the only qualification she had for someone she was dating. Lily always asked her to leave out all of the details of their encounters but her pleas always fell on deaf ears. 

Steeling herself for a holiday filled with Mary gushing over Mulciber, Lily took another sip of her tea.

***

Being back at home was always a strange feeling. Sure, he’d spent his childhood running through the halls of this house and chasing after their old cat, Mephistopheles. This was the place where his parents lived, where they had raised him, but since attending Hogwarts, James always felt vaguely out of place here. Hogwarts was where he’d met his brothers, those three other remarkable boys he swore he would stick by through thick and thin. Hogwarts was where he’d met Lily Evans, the girl he was desperately trying to be  _ just friends  _ with even though it was getting harder and harder every day. And Hogwarts was where Quidditch was. The sport had taught him a lot about responsibility, teamwork, dedication, and determination.

Which was why he was listening at the window, balanced on Sirius’s shoulders, to the private conversation his parents were having with Professor McGonagall in their study.

Minerva McGonagall was a regular dinner guest at the Potters’, a fact which, once discovered, would completely ruin the reputation James kept up in Transfiguration (the Marauders were already sworn to secrecy). Some time after the New Year, Dorea Potter had invited her old Hogwarts roommate over for dinner. The evening had started out ordinary enough. James and Sirius were on their best behavior at the dinner table (both rather bored to be perfectly honest) and McGonagall chatted happily with James’ mother. His father had been detained at St. Mungo’s for the first part of dinner, but had shown up just in time for dessert. After the cake had been eaten and the coffee mostly drunk, McGonagall had announced that she’d had some rather bad news from the school. 

“Boys, I think it’s rather time that you leave,” Dorea had said.

“But Mum! If something happened at Hogwarts we should know about it!” James had protested. 

“Out,” came the response. “And don’t try listening at the keyhole again, I’ve charmed it after the last fiasco. You can thank Sirius for that one.”

“Sorry, mate,” Sirius had said after they had been shut out of the dining room.

“Don’t worry. There’s another way.”

Which was how the two friends had ended up in the position they were in now, in the rose bushes with James on Sirius’ shoulders. 

“What’re they saying?” Sirius wanted to know.

“Shush!” James said, angling his head so that his ear was closer to the windowpane. 

“That’s terrible!” He heard his father say. 

“And there’s nothing further you can do about it?” Demanded his mother.

“I’m afraid not.” It sounded like Professor McGonagall was close to tears. James felt his stomach drop in dread. “In the end, both girls couldn’t identify the attacker well enough for the Board to approve the expulsion. Dumbledore’s hands are tied and now Miss MacDonald will have to face her attacker every day.” 

James inhaled sharply.  _ Mary MacDonald had been attacked? _

“What’re they saying?” Sirius repeated, noticing his reaction.

“Something bad’s happened,” James whispered. Before he could explain, McGonagall spoke again. 

“It was a miracle that Miss Evans found them when she did. If she hadn’t decided that she wanted that cup of cocoa...I shudder to think what else could have occurred.” 

James nearly fell off of Sirius’ shoulders in a panic.  _ Lily!  _

“That boy should be thrown out for using an Unforgivable on another student, and trying to use it on a second!” His father said, outraged.

“Wait, Evans?” Mused his mother. “Is that Lily Evans? The girl James is always going on about?”

McGonagall huffed a laugh. “The very same. She’s a very talented witch. She put up quite the fight and nearly took out the corridor it happened in. But since they’re both Muggleborns and the boy who attacked them is a pure blood it was their word against his. And we all know how the Board is.” 

The three adults were silent for a moment and then his mother changed the subject to something about gardening. 

Feeling sick to his stomach, James clambered off of Sirius’ shoulders and relayed what he had learned. Sirius stared at him, slack jawed with bewilderment. 

“Bloody fucking hell,” Sirius said, one hand clenched in a fist at his hip, the other lost in his black hair. “Bloody fucking hell,” he repeated.

“I told her I would write to her,” James mumbled, numb with the news that an attack had taken place at Hogwarts, the responsible party had not been expelled because of their blood status, and Lily had been involved in the whole thing. “Shit, I told her that I would write to her!” Guilt swirled in his stomach, mixing with the dread.

“Well let’s go write to her!” Sirius started picking his way back through the prickly rose bushes. 

“Pads, we go back to school tomorrow.” 

Sirius paused, awkwardly straddling one of the bushes. “Oh. Right.” 

“I  _ knew  _ something like this was going to happen! I just knew it!” 

“We don’t even know what happened, mate. Just what you heard through a window.”

“Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.” 

***

Getting out of bed should be getting easier. After all, a week had already passed. So why couldn’t she just  _ get out of bed _ . Lily glared at the clock on her bedside table that dictated when she woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night. As if nothing had changed. As if she hadn’t turned a corner to find her friend--

No she wasn’t going to think about it today. She squeezed her eyes shut. Today was a day for no Unforgivable Curses, no corridor duels, no dragging your friend to the hospital wing. None of that. Today was a day for welcoming her friends back from their holidays, for eating bacon and beans and breakfast, and for continuing to live her life normally.  _ After all, at least she wasn’t Mary. _

Lily could scream. She couldn’t believe that she had actually just thought that. Her trauma was nothing compared to Mary’s who was still in the hospital wing and who still wasn’t eating anything. 

No expulsions had occurred. With a quick  _ Reparo _ , the corridor was back to good-as-new. The gash on her arm and her split lip were almost healed. There would be no big announcement made at the feast tonight. No one else would know unless someone told them about it. And other than schedule changes, avoiding him was largely up to his victims. 

_ Get up. _

Lily rolled over and went back to sleep.

***

She woke up an hour later when the sun shone directly on her face from a gap in the curtains around her bed. Lily sat up. She felt marginally better as she went through her routine to start the day, brushing her teeth, braiding her hair back from her face, putting on the small amount of makeup she knew how to work with, and slipping into her uniform. She could already hear the chatter rising up from the common room below her that heralded the arrival of the Hogwarts Express. 

Lily wanted to visit Mary in the hospital wing again. Maybe today their encounter wouldn’t end with tears and hugging each other. Classes started again on Monday and Mulciber wouldn’t be in any of them with them. And that was the best that McGonagall could do for them. In all of her years in the wizarding world, this was the most alarming case of Muggleborn discrimination she had ever seen. 

When she descended the stairs into the common room she was almost immediately enveloped in an enormous hug.

“Lily! I missed you!” Marlene exclaimed.

“Hey, Mar,” Lily said into her friend’s shoulder. “I can’t breathe,” she continued when her friend didn’t let go.

“I heard about what happened,” Marlene said quietly. “Mary’s mum wrote my mum.” She released Lily. “Bloody fucking hell.”

“I know.”

“Bloody fucking hell,” Marlene repeated. 

“I know,” Lily said again. “But there’s nothing we can do about it now. Dumbledore’s hands are tied. The most important thing is Mary and how she’s going to do after all of this.”

“And you dueled him, Lily!” 

“Yeah, but this isn’t about me, alright? So drop it.” The awestruck look Marlene was staring at her with made Lily incredibly uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t she start hexing someone who had just sexually assaulted your friend and added the Imperius Curse onto it just for fun? 

“We’ll just have to beat the Slytherins at everything.” Marlene said it like an oath. 

_ Beat the Slytherins at everything _ . As if Slytherins were the only ones who harbored Death Eater ideology and blood status in high regard. When she thought back on it, she could recall several Ravenclaws and even a Hufflepuff on occasion sneer that she must be getting help  _ somewhere  _ because there was no way that a  _ Muggleborn  _ could be so talented. Marlene didn’t see it because she was a pureblood too. 

“Oh by the way!” Marlene said in a happier tone. “The Marauders want to hang out with us by the lake today! They asked me about it on the train and of course I said yes.”

Lily closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she could deal with quite that level of...exuberance today. “Did you have to, Mar?” 

“I can’t help it if James is worried about you!”

“Why would James Potter be worried about me?” 

Marlene stared at her as if she’d grown antlers. “Seriously, Lily?” 

Lily felt sick. “He knows too? Does the whole bloody school know?” 

Marlene grimaced. “It’s probably going to be all that anyone talks about if the news gets out.” She shook her head. “But no, the whole school doesn’t know. Apparently Professor McGonagall had dinner over at the Potters’ and she told James’ mum about it and he and Sirius were eavesdropping.” 

Lily allowed herself a moment to imagine James sitting down to dinner with their Transfiguration professor and discussing something casual like the weather on McGonagall’s journey over. But then she remembered that McGonagall probably apparated and likely didn’t know what sort of weather she had travelled through--

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and focus on the present. “If James tells anyone, I’m going to kill him,” she vowed. “It’s not his story to tell.”

***

Part of James had been convinced that she wouldn’t be there. That, somehow, despite all evidence to the contrary, Lily would be the one laid  up in the hospital wing, not Mary. He knew it was uncharitable of him, and that it crossed the line from selfishness and into territory that was dangerously verging on obsessive, but when he saw Lily walking towards them with Marlene relief washed over him with all of the comfort of a warm shower. That relief was tempered slightly by the expression on Lily’s face.

How could she be mad at him already? He’d only been back on campus for all of an hour, hadn’t even spoken to her, and yet she looked positively livid.

“James Potter,” she said by way of greeting. Her hands were in fists at her sides.

“Uh oh,” Sirius intoned helpfully from where he sat in front of some flames Remus had cleverly conjured to keep them warm in the bitter January weather. 

“Hey, Red! How was your break?” James asked, trying for levity. 

She raised a finger and didn’t stop walking until she was right in front of him. “If you,” she said, stabbing him in the chest with her outstretched finger, “tell another soul what you know,” she poked him again. “I will personally kill you. Are we clear?” 

He brushed her hand away and rubbed at the spot on his chest that she had stabbed. “What are you talking about?” 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” she hissed. Her cheeks were flushed with a combination of the cold and her anger. “Mary doesn’t want to be the fuel for the gossip wheel at this stupid school!” 

“You think that I would go about telling rumors about this?” James demanded, his anger finally flaring up to create a completely unhelpful riot of emotions in his stomach. Just a few seconds ago he was relieved that Lily was standing there, sure looking a little worse for wear with a split lip, but mostly alright. Now she was accusing him of spreading ugly rumors about a girl who he honestly knew very little about but had always made him laugh whenever he spoke with her. He wasn’t an obnoxious little gossip like Agnes Chisolm who lived for the destruction of reputations. He told Lily so. It had the intended consequence of shutting Lily up but it also had the unintended consequence of her slapping him across the face. 

She stared at him after, fury in her eyes before her face crumbled. The next thing James knew, Lily Evans was sobbing hysterically right in front of him and he had no idea how to respond. She put her head in her hands and her shoulders started to shake. He cast a helpless look at Sirius who mouthed, “Hold her!” and mimed an embrace. 

Unsure if it was the right move, James placed one hand gingerly on the small of her back and awkwardly patted her shoulder with the other. Sirius rolled his eyes at him but Remus grabbed Sirius by the elbow and dragged him away, taking his portable flames with him. James wasn’t sure if Marlene went with them or not, but he didn’t care because suddenly Lily had thrown her arms around him too and clutched at him. He pulled her closer and could hear her babbling in his ear. She was apologizing, another event which was shocking to him.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I know you won’t go spreading rumors. It’s just I feel so protective of Mary after what happened and I’m so  _ angry  _ I could kill someone and I’m so scared because I still can’t believe it happened.”

“It’s okay,” he responded, in what he hoped was a soothing voice. He was trying to focus on keeping his heartbeat steady, worried that Lily would hear its frantic beating. She felt so fragile in his arms, like she could disappear at any moment. He held her closer. Her hair smelled nice. A floral scent that he couldn’t quite place but he decided that it was one of his favorites . “It’s okay,” he repeated. Her sobs subsided into hiccups after a time. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, and I’m sorry I hit you. I can’t believe I actually did that.” 

He chuckled. “I can believe it. You’ve always been one for action.” 

_ Was that--? Did she just nuzzle into my neck?  _ But Lily was pulling away and wiping at her eyes. 

“Wow,” she sniffed. “I can’t believe I just broke down like that. Pathetic.” 

James found himself momentarily lost in the green of her red rimmed eyes when she looked up at him. He quickly got himself under control and conjured up a handkerchief. Her eyes widened a bit when he gave it to her.

“Thanks,” she said thickly. “I can’t believe you keep conjuring up hankies for me like some sort of Victorian gent.”

“Hey,” he said, offering her his arm. “My mother raised me to be the perfect gentleman.” Her lips curved up into a small smile as she took his arm. “Let’s go up to the castle for some food.” 

“How can you be so nice to me? All I do is yell at you.”

“Because,” he said, pulling her closer. “I’m your friend.”

***

Returning to classes was easier than Lily had initially expected. The professors started to add more and more to their workload, citing their upcoming N.E.W.T.s as an excuse. (“But Professor! Those are next year! They’re ages away!” “Complain in my class again, Mr. Pettigrew and I’ll see you in detention for trying my nerves.” “Sorry, Professor McGonagall.”) To add to the general stress of course work, there was also the stress of trying to avoid every member of the Slytherin House. Sev seemed to have finally given up on trying to talk to her again, something that Lily was immensely grateful  for, but her new friendship with the Marauders, and Sirius in particular, had brought out more of the Slytherins from the woodwork. Several times while in his presence, one of the Fifth Year Slytherins who was friends with Sirius’ little brother, Regulus, had made obscene comments about the two of them.

“Remember, Sirius, if you mess around with Mudbloods make sure to wrap it up otherwise you’ll mix with their filthy blood.” Regulus had sneered one day. “Toujours pur. Mother has at least one son who remembers his lessons with the Quill.” 

To make matters worse and tensions higher, the day of the Quidditch match of the year between Gryffindor and Slytherin arrived much quicker than Lily had expected. There were several reports of fights breaking out between the two Houses and she herself had stopped a pair of First Years for fighting, assigning them both detention. The sight of two eleven years ready to hurt each other as much as possible because they were from two different houses made dread sit heavily in her stomach. She didn’t want to go to the game, but had promised Remus that she would sit with him. Lily didn’t want to go back on her promise. 

Lily had been worried that after she all but threw herself on James, sobbing hysterically, that things would feel strange between them, stranger even than the two of them trying to be friends. To her immense surprise, however nothing could be further from the truth. She actually found herself smiling back at him and sitting with the Marauders no longer entailed speaking to just Remus and ignoring the other three. Now she talked to all of them and had learned new things about each of them. For instance, she learned that Peter had a particular fondness for cherries, Remus couldn’t wake up before eight o’clock in the morning, even if his life depended upon it, and Sirius had suffered through years of violent abuse from the hands of his family before finally abandoning his younger brother to that same abuse to save himself. 

That last bit she had learned rather abruptly one day before Muggle Studies began. 

***

Lily rummaged around in her bag, searching for a quill when she remembered something that Regulus had said during one of their recent encounters.

“Hey, Sirius,” she said after she found her quill. She twirled it between her thumb and index finger.

“Yeah?” he asked, not looking up from looking through his own bag.

She wasn’t sure if he would answer her or not. After she had suggested he talk to his uncle, Sirius had reverted back to his cool, distant self once more. But the nasty comment Regulus made had stuck with her and Lily needed to know what he had meant by it. “The other day...your brother said something about...a quill? What did he mean about that?” 

“He was talking about dear old Walburga’s favorite method of reminding us who we were,” he said nonchalantly.

The hair on the back of Lily’s neck prickled. “What do you mean?” Stories about the Black family had circulated around school since the eldest son had been sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin like all of the generations before him. 

Sirius went incredibly still. His gray eyes studied hers and then flickered around the room to see if anyone was listening in to their conversation. He pulled the hem of his shirt up just enough that Lily caught a flash of pale, white skin. And the words ‘Toujours pur’ spelled out in an angry red scar across his abdomen. Lily let out a small gasp and Sirius quickly brought his shirt down. 

“Oh, Sirius,” she said, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth.

“That’s just the shortest of them too.” He raised his chin defiantly but wouldn’t look at her. “It started after I got sorted into Gryffindor. She made Reg do it too. We were just kids and she was everything to us. She and Dad were like God.”

Tears welled up in Lily’s eyes and she tried to blink them back. 

“The damn things didn’t use ink. Whatever you wrote, they wrote using blood. Walburga couldn’t stand that her son had been sorted into Gryffindor. She wanted to make sure that I would never forget who I was, where I came from. She made me carve it into my own skin and forced my baby brother to do it too. We suffered together for years.” He paused and closed his eyes. From the side he looked like he was carved from marble, so cold and beautiful. “Until this summer. We were together until this summer when I finally had the last straw. Then I left my brother alone in that house and moved in with James.”

She put her hand on his arm but he pulled away. “She stopped making Regulus carve himself up last year. Or at least she stopped making us do it together. I think her brainwashing finally sank in for Reg, though or else he wouldn’t be such a twat now.”

Professor Durand called the class to attention shortly after that and Lily was left to process Sirius’ confession. 

She was distracted the rest of the day by Mary’s release from the Hospital Wing. The Sixth Year girls threw her a welcome home party in their dorm with plenty of sweets. Lily had found a cute spell that charmed balloons to pop softly and spill golden stars everywhere and Dorcas handily provided a few bottles of butterbeer. But despite their efforts to only have good cheer in the dorm, a certain layer of gloom settled over the girls that no amount of forced cheerfulness could cure. 

Hogwarts had changed for all of them.

It was no longer a place of safety, filled with childish adventure and wonder. There were people in the castle who thought they were better than everyone else and deserved power.

The thought made the butterbeer taste sour on Lily’s tongue and sent shivers down her spine.

***

The morning of the big match, Lily found herself sandwiched between James and Marlene at breakfast. James had page after page of meticulous notes about both Quidditch teams spread across the table in front of him. His brows were drawn in concentration as he sorted through them. Shoulders drawn up and tense, he almost missed his mouth with his cup of pumpkin juice because he was focusing so hard on the task at hand. 

“Who do you think’s going to win?” Lily asked him. 

“We are, of course!” He said, offended. He looked up from his notes for the first time since she had sat down next to him. “What sort of question is that?”

Lily laughed. “I was testing your resolve. You’ll do fine.” 

James shook his head and mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, “Bloody mental,” but Lily saw some of the tension in his shoulders relax. Good, that had been her intention. She turned to Marlene. 

“Do you have money on this game, too?” Lily asked.

“Of course I do! I bet on all of them,” replied Marlene. “Are you sure you don’t want to make any bets?”

Lily laughed. “I barely have two sickles to rub together; I can’t afford to bet anything even though I know we’ll win.” 

“Your loss, then.” Marlene resumed eating her breakfast. 

Next to her James glanced at his watch. He stood and gathered all his papers together and chugged the last of his juice. “Oi! Team, let’s go!” He shouted into the noisy Great Hall. Six other Gryffindors including Sirius rose at his call. 

“Good luck today!” Lily told him as he turned to leave. 

He flashed her a crooked grin and said, “Thanks.” Lily felt her heart flutter in her chest. After the rest of the team met up James led them from the Great Hall, leaving Lily, Remus, Peter, and Marlene at the table.

When Marlene took her by the hand so that they could get good seats nearly an hour later, Lily was still trying to figure out why her heart had fluttered so much.

***

“Alright, everyone listen up,” James called out to his team. He didn’t really need to yell; everyone was relatively close by and the locker room wasn’t exactly giant, but he couldn’t help himself. A heady cocktail of anxiety and excitement buzzed in his veins and he could no more speak quietly than he could throw Hagrid across the Quidditch pitch. 

“This is it!” he said. Six faces looked at him expectantly, each one reflecting the same mix of emotions back at him. “This is the big game. If we win, we play Hufflepuff in the final. Gryffindor hasn’t won the Cup since Kingsley Shacklebolt and Arthur Weasley led the team five years ago.”

“Oh, stuff it, Potter. Everyone knows that you’re the best Quidditch captain that this team has ever seen,” said Michael Frampton, a fellow Sixth Year and the Seeker. 

James flushed, the momentum of his speech derailed. “Okay, but--”

“You’re fucking brilliant,” Dorcas chimed in.

“We’ll make you proud, James,” Sirius said, thumping him on the back. 

James looked at all of the faces staring back at him, determined to win and felt something stick in his throat. He tried to swallow through it. “Right. Well,” he tightened the grip on his broom. “Let’s go out there and do this.” 

One by one the players sped off into the stadium when their name was called. He tried to stamp down on his anxiety. James always got nervous before a game, but the stakes were higher today than just making it through to the next round. Public opinion supported everything that Slytherin House stood for, from their pure blooded ideology to the tacit endorsement of Death Eaters by members of the other Houses. There were three Muggleborns on the Gryffindor team and if they lost he was sure it would be used around school as another example of bloodline superiority. He forced himself to take a deep breath and relax more. He couldn’t fix politics and flying while weighed down with so much stress could cause brooms to malfunction. 

He heard his name and took off after them to the sound of screams and cheers. As he flew up to his starting position, James surveyed the crowd. He caught sight of familiar, long red hair in the Gryffindor section of the stands and instantly felt more confident. 

***

Several hours later a wall of sound assaulted Lily when she entered the common room. The Gryffindor team had secured victory in a tense, nail biter of a match that had lasted the entire day. With only a ten point difference in the final scores, it was the slimmest margin of victory at Hogwarts in over a hundred years. Her fellow Gryffindors whooped and hollered, slapping the players on their backs and thrusting drinks into outstretched hands. Someone had dragged their record player into the common room and Lily recognized the sounds of a Muggle band called Queen flowing across the space, effectively burying everyone in sound. Mary squeezed in after her and immediately made her way over to the drink table.

James was in the center of the room, bottle in one hand and his arm around Michael Frampton, their Seeker and man of the hour. “Ladies and gents, let’s hear it for Frampton and his unbelievable, one of a kind performance!” James called out. The crowd cheered and raised their glasses in a salute. Lily joined in, swept up in the excitement. James looked very handsome up on the table, his hair all over the place as per usual and the glow of victory making his crooked smile that much more dazzling. She found herself smiling too and then immediately blushed when she realized that she had thought James looked handsome. 

Someone gently touched her elbow and Lily turned to find Remus holding out a drink for her. She smiled and took the bottle, hoping that he wouldn’t notice how red her cheeks were. “This is just butterbeer, right?”

Remus chuckled and took a sip from his own bottle. “Of course. We’re prefects!” The corner of his mouth crept up into a smile. 

Lily took a cautious sip from her own drink and coughed when she tasted alcohol. “Remus!” She said, smacking him on the arm. “I can’t drink this!”

“We have to celebrate at least a little bit!” 

She rolled her eyes but then remembered the looks on the Slytherin team’s faces when Michael Frampton, a fellow Muggleborn had snatched the snitch right under the nose of their seeker and she smiled. “Alright, I’ll have one drink.”

“Do my ears deceive me?” Sirius descended on them and wrapped Remus in a bear hug. He also held a bottle in one hand. “Or did I just hear that the lovely Lily Evans is joining us in our drinking?” 

“Oh, shove off, Sirius. I’m not that much of a prude.” Lily took another sip to prove her point. 

James appeared at Sirius’s elbow so suddenly he could have Apparated there. “Mate, we’ve got a problem,” he said by way of greeting. He smiled and waved at Lily, who found herself smiling stupidly and waving back, before he turned back to Sirius, businesslike again. “We’re almost out of booze. And food.”

Sirius gasped dramatically and clung onto his bottle like it was a lifeline. Lily laughed at his antics. “We can’t be having that! Evans and I will just have to go and get some more!” He chugged the rest of his drink and motioned Lily to follow him.

“Wait, what?”

“C’mon Evans, finish your drink and let’s go. We’ve got an important mission to keep the party going.” 

She looked at the serious expressions on James and Sirius’ faces and was mildly surprised when Remus shared the expression. 

“If we’re not back with more stuff soon, these loons won’t be happy,” Sirius gestured around at the other students filling the common room with their laughter and excitement. After the tense weeks with the anti-Muggleborn propaganda appearing on the walls, it was high time that they had something to celebrate and be happy about. Lily couldn’t bring herself to deny the other members of her house the opportunity to celebrate and maybe get a little too drunk. After all, they were a bunch of kids. 

“Right,” she said in agreement. “Bottoms up!” And drained her bottle. Sirius laughed heartily and slapped her on the back. She thought James’ eyes were going to pop out of his head with the way he stared at her, bug eyed. He shook his head in awe at her.

Sirius punched James in the arm and held out his hand, expectantly. James shook his head, but Sirius insisted by hitting him again. They appeared to have an entire argument using just their eyes and facial expressions, Sirius evidently the winner, judging by the way James rolled his eyes and shoved a hand into his pocket, pulling out a rather large piece of parchment. Before he handed it over to Sirius he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, of course we’ll be careful,” Sirius huffed. “Ready to go?” He asked Lily offering her his arm.

“Um,” Lily said intelligently. The silent communication between the two boys had thrown her off. 

“Perfect,” said Sirius, linking arms with her and pulling her out of the common room.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” James called after them. 

The portrait hole and the Fat Lady closed behind them, sealing off the noise and left them in a too quiet, empty corridor. 

“Right, this way,” said Sirius, taking off quickly. Lily had to jog to catch up with him. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.”

“Wait, you’re not going to tell me?”

“I want it to be a surprise.”

“Sirius--”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Sirius,” Lily said again.

“Unless, of course,” Sirius stopped and turned to look at her. “You want them to be unsealed.”

“Excuse me?” Lily said, also halting. She put her hands on her hips. “Sirius Black, surely you know me well enough by now that--”

“That I know you’re also in love with James, yeah I get it.”

Lily sputtered. Any reply she could think of got overwhelmed by indignation and instead she made undignified, spluttering sounds. 

“You see my point?” Sirius said, with a smirk on his face that Lily really wanted to wipe off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she finally managed to get out. She started walking down the corridor again. Sirius laughed but followed her. 

“Keep telling yourself that, Evans.” 

“What was that paper that he gave you, anyway?” Lily said, desperate to change the subject. 

“You’ll see in a minute.”

They reached the end of the corridor. Before they started down the staircase however, Sirius pulled out the parchment. “Brace yourself for something truly awesome,” he said dramatically. He held up the parchment. “This might just be the most impressive piece of magic you’ll ever come across in your entire life and, if I do say so myself, I had a pretty big role in making it. I guess James, Remus, and Peter helped too. Just a bit.” Lily rolled her eyes at his dramatic words but couldn’t help but be intrigued. He unfolded the parchment, pressed the tip of his wand to the center and said, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Instantly, ink began to spread across the parchment and before her very eyes lines and shapes formed. For a moment, Lily thought that her one drink had gone straight to her head and she was seeing things. There, on the piece of parchment were some definitive lines that marked out what looked like a hallway. There were two little dots, one labeled Sirius Black and the other labelled Lily Evans.

“What--?”

“This, is the Marauder’s Map,” announced Sirius, pride evident in his voice. “We can check it to see if anyone is in our way while we go get more supplies.” 

“What do you mean?” Lily asked, snatching the parchment from his hand and examining it, nose nearly touching the paper. Sirius snorted and started walking away, and Lily saw the inky dot with his name move onto the staircase as well. “Is this how you’ve managed to do everything?” Lily wanted to know, mind spinning. 

She had always been impressed with the way the Marauders seemed to know their way around the entire castle. She was a Sixth Year and a prefect to boot and sometimes she still got lost. Memories of James asking her out after he seemed to appear out of nowhere popped into her mind, along with the numerous pranks that the Marauders had to be responsible for, but somehow never managed to get caught. The amount of skill something like this took to create was unbelievable. 

“James didn’t want me to show you yet, but I said that it was about time you knew since we’re best friends and all.” 

Lily followed him onto the staircase, wide eyed. Suddenly a thought occurred. “Wait a minute, does this thing tell you when people are in the bathrooms too?” 

“Yup.”

“Gross!” She said, but continued to study the map. It appeared to be several pages of parchment folded up together. She saw that the Gryffindor common room was filled with people fit to bursting and Agnes Chisolm was talking to a boy from Hufflepuff named Amos Diggory on the fifth floor. A new idea came into her mind. “If I had this, I would’ve been able to see who wrote that shite on the wall. Then we could’ve gotten them kicked out.”

“Too true, Evans. But then we would have to explain how you knew and the map would probably be confiscated and no one wants that.”

“No, I guess not.” 

“When you’re done looking at it, you have to say ‘mischief managed,’ otherwise anyone can read it. Let me know if there’s anyone in the third floor corridor,” Sirius said, pausing before getting off the stairs. Lily checked and confirmed that there was no one there. Sirius took off down the corridor whistling. Lily followed a bit slower, not quite trusting the map. It was after curfew and even though she was a prefect, she had no reason to be out in the hallways that night; her turn to patrol with Remus had been two nights before. But, true to what the map said, there was no one in the corridor. 

Sirius stopped at a particularly ugly statue and tapped his wand against the hunched back of the one eyed witch and said “Dissendium.” Immediately, the hump opened to reveal a slide. “Ladies first,” Sirius said. 

Lily gazed down the slide suspiciously. It looked like it ended after just a few feet but the passageway below was dark and dusty. “No way. You go first.” 

Sirius shrugged and climbed in. A few seconds later he called up to her to follow. With one last look around, Lily slid down after him. Her companion immediately took off down the passageway and Lily scrambled after him. The floor was uneven and it was difficult to see in the darkness. She drew her wand and cast a nonverbal  _ lumos  _ spell. “Sirius, where are we going?”

“I told you, to get supplies.”

“We’re not leaving the school grounds, are we?” She asked, heartbeat starting to increase at the thought of the amount of trouble they could get in if they were caught.

“Relax, Evans. We do it all the time.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.” 

They fell into silence as Lily had to focus on not tripping over anything. The passageway was small and narrow, and if she fell there was a good chance that she would take Sirius down with her. 

“I used to hate you, you know.” Said Sirius, breaking the silence. He spoke into the darkness ahead of him and his voice echoed oddly in the passage.

“Does that mean you don’t hate me now?” Lily joked. “Because that’s good.” 

“I’m serious, Evans. I used to absolutely despise you.” 

“What? Why?” Lily asked the back of his head. 

“You’re all James talks about,” he said like it was obvious. “I was so excited to have friends of my own who were cool and the opposite of everything my family had warned me about. And then suddenly you say ‘you’re such an idiot, Potter’ or some other dragon shit comment and he falls head over heels for you.”

Lily blushed and was grateful that Sirius couldn’t see. “I still don’t know why--”

“I can see why,” Sirius cut her off. Lily snorted. “I’m not joking. You’re everything he says you are, and then some.”

“Sirius--” Lily hesitated. She wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence and regretted chugging the rest of her drink so quickly.

“Relax, I’m not trying to get with you. I know you’ve got eyes for someone else, as much as you’re trying to ignore it.” 

“Sirius,” she said again but this time he shushed her.

“Let’s enjoy a little peace and quiet before we get back to the party.”

Eventually they reached the end of the passageway. Above them there was a trap door. 

“Stay here. I’ll drop everything down to you,” Sirius said before he opened the trap door slightly, checking to see if the coast was clear, and then disappearing into wherever it was that he had led them to. Lily waited long enough to start to wonder if maybe she should go after him when the door opened again and a literal avalanche of food poured in.

“Bloody hell!” She said, stuffing the Marauder’s Map into her pocket so that she could carry things with both hands. Sirius dropped down into the passageway and helped her pick everything up. Armed with nearly enough food and drink to feed the whole House for a week, they slowly made their way all the way back to the Gryffindor common room. 

Over the course of the evening, Lily forgot to return the map to Sirius which set up a chain of events that would change everything. But more on that later.


	7. Chapter 7

_ My Dearest Lily, _

_ I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t come home for Christmas. Petunia and Vernon were very disappointed that you weren’t here, to say nothing of how I felt.  _

_ We did a lot of wedding planning over the holiday and you have to see the flowers that Petunia picked out! They’re so stylish, I know that they will look just lovely. And her dress! Lily her dress is so beautiful! I cried when I saw her in it.  _

_ Darling you really should talk to your sister more. I know she misses you and regrets whatever row you two had which resulted in you not talking to her anymore. Maybe if you apologized and changed your mind about not wanting to be in the wedding, the two of you can be friends again like when you were little girls! That would be so wonderful. _

_ I hope you have a very happy birthday, Lily.  _

_ Love and kisses, _

_ Mum _

 

Lily looked down at the letter and wrinkled her nose in distaste. The familiar sadness ached a bit in her chest but was mostly overshadowed by the blind rage that her mother’s words had produced in her. 

Petunia had really outdone herself this time. She had convinced their mother that  _ Lily  _ was the one who didn’t want to be in the wedding? Fighting the urge to set it on fire, she threw the letter down on the table. Before she could think about it too much, someone slid onto the bench next to her.

“Is your morning that bad already?” James asked, sitting close enough that his body heat helped dispel some of the morning chill lingering in the Great Hall. He helped himself to a cup of tea. “I really hope that this is more of that chai stuff,” he muttered. 

Lily exhaled loudly. “Just my sister,” she said by way of explanation. 

James made a sympathetic noise in the back of his throat. He slid an envelope over to her that she hadn’t noticed him carrying and went about serving himself breakfast. 

“What’s this?” 

“Your birthday present.”

Lily eyed the thick envelope suspiciously. Years of birthday presents from James Potter had resulted in several embarrassing incidents including one memorable, explosive shower of rose petals. 

He laughed at her expression. “Relax, Red. It’s not going to bite you.”

Lily raised an eyebrow, doubtful. At the same time though, a new feeling settled in her stomach, eclipsing the anger toward her sister. She wasn’t sure what it was and wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out. James winked at her before taking a bite of toast and the feeling intensified. She focused on opening the letter to cover her blush. Inside it was a letter.

 

_ Dear Miss Evans, _

_ I’m writing to you because my son informed me of your interest in working here at St. Mungo’s as a Healer. _

 

Lily looked up from reading and stared at the boy sitting next to her. “You didn’t,” she said.

He shrugged. “I told you I would. This is just me keeping one of my promises.”

She gripped the letter tighter, causing the parchment to crinkle. “Thank you.” Unbidden tears came to her eyes, surprising both of them. Maybe with the help of Mr. Potter, she could achieve her goal and help other people and their families. Maybe no one else would have to go through the torture of watching a loved one die slowly, inch by inch. 

James looked away quickly and Lily sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

“Happy birthday, Lily,” James said quietly.

“Thanks,” she answered just as softly.

Their quiet moment was interrupted at just that moment by the arrival of Sirius and Dorcas at the table, both of them loud despite the relatively early hour. Lily tucked Mr. Potter’s letter away in her bag to finish reading later. 

The noise level in the Great Hall gradually increased as more and more students arrived for breakfast. It wasn’t until all of the Marauders had arrived along with the rest of the Sixth Year girls that Lily realized that James had scooted further away from her, leaving a careful space between them that hadn’t been there before. 

When it was time to leave for the first class of the day, James briefly touched her on the elbow to get her attention. 

“Hey,” he said, face serious. “Make sure you’re back in the common room tonight before sundown. Remember, it’s not safe.” 

Taken aback, Lily found herself agreeing. 

“Promise me, Red. This is important.”

“Okay, James, bloody hell. I’ll be back in the common room, what’s the big deal?”

Instead of answering her, James slapped a grin on his face and waved before running off to catch up with the other Marauders who were already in the Entrance Hall.  

“You two seem to be getting along better,” Marlene said in a singsong voice while Lily packed up her bag. 

“Oh be quiet, Mare.”

Suddenly Marlene swore. “That slimy git is on his way over here, Lily. Let’s go.”

‘That slimy git’ could only mean Severus. Lily resigned herself to another awkward interaction with him. What she wasn’t prepared for was the venom with which he greeted her. 

“Hanging out with idiots like that is going to become very dangerous soon,” Sev said by way of greeting. 

“Good morning, Sev,” Lily responded coolly. The warm feeling in her stomach that James had instigated shrivelled up. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

He stuck his nose up in the air. “Just that there are certain benefits to staying friends with me.”

“I  _ wanted  _ to stay friends with you!” Lily snapped. “But you didn’t like that fact that I’m a Mudblood. Or did you forget about that part?” 

“Why don’t you just leave her alone?” Marlene chimed in. 

Severus ignored her. “Stay in your common room tonight, Lily. Those idiots are up to something, I know it. And it’s not good.”

“Oh, like your new mates aren’t always up to no good,” Lily responded acidly. “How dare you.” With that she grabbed Marlene by the elbow with a snapped, “C’mon, Mare,” and stomped out of the Great Hall. 

In Muggle Studies that morning, Lily asked Sirius what Sev meant about the boys being ‘up to something.’ The smug, self-satisfied look on Sirius’ face did nothing to dispel her trepidation. 

“So, that slimy little git is interested, is he?”

“Sirius if you’re going to do something tonight--”

“We’re not going to do anything tonight,” Sirius cut her off. “But obviously he thinks we are.”

“Don’t,” Lily continued as if she hadn’t been interrupted. She could tell Sirius was lying. “It’s my birthday,” she added as a last ditch effort to get Sirius to tell her what was going on. To her dismay, Sirius’ grin just grew wider.

“Sorry, Evans. Tonight isn’t just about you.” 

She could’ve punched him. Instead, she started scribbling notes when Professor Durand called the class to attention. 

After class she overheard James and Sirius arguing about something. She only caught a snippet of it, but from the repeated ‘you bloody idiot,’ she overheard, it sounded like they had misplaced something important. Lily briefly considered asking them if it was something they needed for whatever it was that they were getting up to tonight, but decided against it. If they needed if for their plan, she was just pety enough not to help them find it. 

The rest of the day passed in frustration, with Lily trying to pry the information out of the Marauders with all of the effectiveness of a sledge hammer against a mountain; it was an exercise in futility. Remus was sick in the hospital wing again so he obviously wasn’t involved. Peter awkwardly changed the subject, and James infuriatingly reiterated that Lily needed to stay inside tonight. 

After dinner, the girls returned to their dorm room. Lily sat perched on the windowsill, staring moodily out the window, still irritated at the boys. Marlene and Dorcas wanted to know how they were celebrating Lily’s birthday in the dorm that night. 

“We can’t very well just sneak down to the Three Broomsticks and say ‘hi’ to Madam Rosemertta,” Dorcas said as she put her feet up on her bed and stretched out, staring at the canopy above her bed. “Filch would catch us in a heartbeat. But it isn’t every day that a witch turns seventeen!”  

At her words, Lily was jolted out of her brooding.  _ Sneak out, of course!  _ She lept up and started digging through her trunk at the foot of her bed. Scarves and stray socks went flying.

“Um, Lily. What are you looking for?” Marlene asked with concern as she watched a pair of green socks go sailing by her head. 

“Something I need,” Lily responded, each word distinctly separate, “for my...prefect duties tonight,” she lied. 

“You’re joking,” said Dorcus flatly. 

“Nope,” Lily said as her fingers closed triumphantly on what she had been searching for.

The Marauders’ Map.

After a quick twinge of guilt over having forgotten she had the Map, Lily squashed it down. It wasn’t as if any of the boys had confronted her over it and demanded she return it. It was like they had forgotten she had it too. Everyone had definitely been at best tipsy that night and at worst drunk. 

“You couldn’t get anyone to swap with you tonight? It’s your birthday, Lil,” Marlene sulked. 

Lily tucked the Map away in her back pocket and slipped her wand into the inside pocket of her robes for good measure. “Remus is sick, so,” she said by way of explanation. 

Dorcas groaned. “I’m going to kill him.”

“You can’t!” defended Marlene. 

“Of course I bloody can. Watch me.” 

Lily slipped out of the room while the two of them bickered back and forth about murdering Remus. 

As much as the boys had irritated her throughout the day, she was mindful to leave the common room so no one saw her use the Map. Instead she went to the most secure place she could think of for this sort of thing--the prefect’s bathroom. 

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” she intoned from inside one of the stalls after double checking to make sure there was no one else in the bathroom with her.  

It took several minutes for her to find them. By the time she discovered the little dot labeled ‘James Potter,’ the windows had gone dark. When she registered where James was currently, she felt her stomach bottom out. James, Sirius, and Peter were  _ out on the grounds _ and heading towards what looked like a tunnel with a small, black dot labeled ‘Remus Lupin’ was moving lethargically. 

What the hell was Remus doing way out there on his own when he was supposed to be sick in the hospital wing? 

The prefect in Lily wanted to give them all detention, and the friend wanted to strangle them all first. 

Then she saw another dot labeled ‘Severus Snape’ making its way across the grounds and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that there was going to be a confrontation between them, and it wasn’t going to be a good one. She suspected it could turn violent. 

If they were dumb enough to go after each other tonight, they were dumb enough to get themselves expelled too. And Lily couldn’t let that happen. 

In a split second she made her decision to march down there and yell at the whole lot of them. Using the map as a guide to make sure no one saw her sneaking down to the first floor. The chill in the corridors made Lily wish that she had thought to bring her scarf with her or maybe some mittens because she knew that as cold as it was inside the castle, it would be colder still outside. She reached the enormous door that loomed at the end of the Entrance Hall and suddenly her heart beat a little faster. 

Lily Evans was not one to break rules, and one of the very first rules laid down by the school was  _ do not go out onto the grounds at night _ . Whispered stories of the dark creatures that lived in the Forbidden Forest venturing out onto the grounds to attack unwary students were a staple of many fireside conversations in common rooms amongst the younger students. Being out on the grounds could very well land Lily in more than just detention. Just being out of bed at this time of night was bad enough. Adding a moonlit stroll around the grounds to the mixture…

Lily swallowed passed the anxiety that swirled in her stomach and squared her shoulders. She was doing this to save her idiot friends from themselves. James was one wrong move away from getting expelled and the others probably weren’t far behind. And as for Severus…

Lily took a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

It was a surprisingly cloudless night and a crisp breeze cut through the air, making Lily wish all over again that she had her scarf with her. The full moon sat fat and heavy in the sky, casting dark shadows across the lawn. Lily pulled her cloak closer around her throat and set off towards the Whomping Willow. When she heard raised voices she broke out into a run. 

“Will you just GO BACK INSIDE YOU BLOODY BASTARD!” She heard James yell. He sounded furious. 

Another voice was raised in panic. It sounded like they were repeating the same phrase over and over again. As she got closer to the tree, she managed to pick out the individual syllables and her first thought was  _ No. That doesn’t make any sense.  _

Why would there be a werewolf here at Hogwarts?

One long, low howl echoed through the cold night air and Lily’s blood froze in her veins.

A werewolf. There really was a werewolf here at Hogwarts. 

A strange scene met her eyes at the base of the Whomping Willow. James Potter had his arms around Severus Snape and appeared to be hauling him bodily away from the tree. Peter stood off to the side, looking stricken as another howl cut through the air. It sounded as though the howl came from underneath the Whomping Willow which was completely ridiculous because that would mean that there had to be some sort of passageway under there and after checking the Map, Lily saw that her two friends Sirius and Remus were currently at the end of that passageway which meant that either one of them had to be responsible for the howls and snarls that drifted up through the roots of the tree.

It sounded like dogs fighting. 

Lily surprised herself by getting a tighter grip on her wand. She didn’t remember drawing it. 

“ _ Lily?! _ ” James’ strangled cry echoed across the few yards of grass between them. He froze in the process of getting Severus into a headlock. She watched as his expression changed from anger to something that looked like fear. Her feet automatically took her closer. 

“Lily!” Severus screamed. “Lily I was right! I was  _ right _ ! Lupin is a--” he was cut off by James who appeared to tighten his grip. 

“Lily, please,” James said. “You need to go back inside. I told you to stay in tonight!” He practically yelled the last part which, more than anything made Lily’s palms start to sweat with fear. James yelled at her all the time. They got into screaming matches, sometimes tried to outdo each other in volume. But this time, there was an underlying tone in James’ voice that was absent during all of their other encounters. And the undertone matched up with the panicked look on his face. Lily was struck with the sickening feeling that she shouldn’t be here.

Severus began fighting harder against James, trying to free himself from the other boy’s grip. 

“ _ Stupefy! _ ” 

Severus dropped to the ground, nearly taking James with him. 

“Merlin, Pete!” James said, disentangling himself from Severus’ prone body. “You could’ve hit me too!” 

“Sorry,” Peter said, not quite lowering his wand. Lily hastily reevaluated her opinion of Peter Pettigrew’s wand skills. “But we’ve got bigger problems.” He gestured at the gaping hole at the base of the Whomping Willow. 

The sounds of fighting had stopped. 

“James,” Lily said, speaking for the first time. She was surprised by the lack of tremor in her voice. “I heard Sev say,” she swallowed and willed herself to continue. “I heard him say that Remus is a werewolf. But that can’t be right because I saw him on the Map,” she raised her hand to demonstrate that she still had it. She watched James’ mouth settle into a flat line and she felt another quick twinge of guilt. “And if he is a werewolf than that means that he’s just at the end of that tunnel there and we’re right here…” she trailed off when neither of the boys made any comment. Lily had just enough time to say, “Oh my God,” when a lumbering shape emerged from the tunnel. 

It was a huge, black, shaggy dog. Its head easily came up to Lily’s waist, and she could see thick ropes of saliva hanging from its mouth, tinged with something that looked red. Her brain refused to process the reason why. 

“Where is he?” James demanded of the dog and Lily backed away, thinking that she must be going mad because Remus Lupin was a werewolf and now there was this massive, black dog that James was talking to and--

Suddenly it wasn’t just a dog. Its great body twitched and shifted, the air around it looking strange, and then Sirius Black stood in front of James instead of the dog. He wiped his mouth and spat out a dark blob. 

Lily added nausea to the swirl of emotions she battled. 

“I think I got him down for now,” he said with a wince, clutching his side. His shirt was wet with something that looked like blood. “We should be able to get Snivellus up to the--” Sirius stopped when he saw Lily. His eyes tracked Severus’ prone form on the ground and the Map clutched in her fist. Sirius swore colorfully. 

“You’re an animagus?” Lily gasped, processing the new information along with the fact that apparently one of her best friends was also a  _ werewolf _ .

“Pretty impressive, right?” he responded, the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

“We can talk about this later,” James snapped. “You two,” he said, gesturing between Lily and Severus, “need to get back up to the school. Now.”

“Well, what about you?” The idea of leaving them to deal with a werewolf by themselves while she scampered off to the safety of the castle did not sit well with her.  

“We’ll be fine,” James said quickly. 

Lily glanced between the three of them, noted the way Peter eyed the entrance to the tunnel, how Sirius looked guiltily at James, and how James was trying to cover up the fear in his eyes. Fear that Lily realized with a jolt was not for himself or his friends, but almost solely for  _ her _ .

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you? Stayed with him through the night.” No one answered her. “But how?” 

“Lily--” James began but almost immediately cut himself off when a long, piercing howl rose from the tunnel. 

“Shit,” said Sirius, and he transformed back into a dog. He planted himself firmly between them and the tunnel entrance. They could hear the sound of something making its way quickly through the tunnel. 

It sounded enormous.

“Get behind me,” James ordered. 

“If he’s a werewolf than we all need to go!” Lily said, ignoring him. She pocketed the Map and tugged on one of James’ arms. 

Before anyone could respond, a monstrous figure sprang out from the tunnel, barreling into Sirius, snarling and howling. 

Despite the voice screaming in the back of Lily’s mind, “ _ RUN RUN RUN! _ ” she stood, rooted to the spot as the dog--no  _ Sirius _ \--grappled with the beast that was  _ Remus _ . She clutched at James’ arm so hard that she was surprised it didn’t break.

“Shut up and  _ move! _ ” James reached behind him and started pushing her backwards. Lily barely registered the fact that she was screaming. She stopped with an effort and tried to gather her wits. “Get Snape back up to the castle,” James said. “We’ll distract him.”

“Distract him!” Lily repeated, suddenly furious. Anger seemed a better emotion to hold onto than fear. Anger she could control and channel. Fear on the other hand… “What do you mean ‘distract him’?” She turned and conjured up a stretcher for Severus, the back of her neck prickling as the sounds of Sirius and Remus doing their best to tear at each other grew louder. After carefully levitating Severus onto the stretcher, Lily turned back around just in time to see a gigantic stag charge bodily into Remus, sending the werewolf skidding back several feet. The stag loomed over him and stomped its hoof in the grass. There was no sign of James anymore.

“Oh bloody, fucking hell,” Lily said in a small voice.  _ They must all be Animagi _ , she thought. Deciding quickly that she didn’t have enough time to think about this just now, Lily muttered, “ _ Wingardium leviosa _ ,” and, keeping her wand pointed carefully at the stretcher, began making her way as quickly as she could back up to the castle. Her heart was in her throat the whole way up to the Entrance Hall and a mantra of ‘Bloody, fucking hell,’ ran on a loop in her head. 

Of course, of  _ course _ the Marauders had figured out a way to become Animagi, nevermind how dangerous and difficult it was. They were probably just bored one day and James said, “You know what, mates? Let’s all figure out how to turn into animals. That sounds like a jolly good time,” and the other three responded with something like, “Here, here!” and cheered. That definitely sounded just like them. 

If she wasn’t so terrified and determined not to think about what would happen if she got bit, she would be impressed that they had managed it. Instead, she tried focusing on not tripping and getting Severus and herself inside before Remus caught up to them. A cramp began stabbing just under her ribs as the Entrance Hall grew closer. Lily was just starting to believe that she just might manage to get out of this unscathed when the sound of heavy footfalls reached grew alarmingly close and a massive paw swiped at her shoulder. 

The pain was so intense that for a moment she couldn’t move, she just stayed where she was as stars danced across her vision. Her brain screeched at her to  _ GET UP  _ and slowly, she rolled over. She whimpered when she saw blood left on the damp grass under her. The sounds of snarling and fighting nearby made her scramble to her feet, looking wildly around for her wand. It had rolled a few feet away when she fell. She snatched it up, whirling around as she did so just in time to cast a  _ Protego!  _ Between herself and the snapping jaws of the werewolf. 

It bounced away from her with a yelp but not before she saw the look in its yellow eyes, the burning rage there that didn’t hold a single trace of the kind Remus she knew. In that moment her fear was eclipsed by a terrible sorrow that someone had done this to Remus. 

This monster wasn’t his fault.

She took advantage of the time her spell had gained her and recast the hovering spell over Severus, repositioning him on the stretcher at the same time. A quick glance over her shoulder showed a stag and dog chasing the werewolf back across the grounds. Lily stumbled up to the steps to the door and wrenched the heavy door open. She floated Severus inside first and then followed quickly, struggling to close the door behind her. 

Once it shut Lily slid down to sit on the floor and clutched at her shoulder. Her hand came away wet and red when she looked at it and she squeezed her eyes shut at the pain. 

_ It’s only a scratch, it’s just a scratch. It’s not a bite _ , she thought frantically, hoping the conviction behind the statement made it true. She was pretty sure that Remus had just swiped at her with his paw but if she was wrong…

She refused to think about it. 

She glanced over at the still stunned Severus. For all intents and purposes, he was fine. Once the spell wore off, he would be furious but otherwise unhurt. 

Stopping the bleeding was her first concern and the next was helping James and Sirius outside. Complex healing spells were still above her, but she had practiced a few of the simpler ones. Just never on herself. 

“Can’t be that different,” she said out loud, voice echoing loudly in the Entrance Hall. Lily couldn’t see the wound which made it more difficult, but doing the best she could she managed to at least slow the bleeding. It was exhausting and she sat back when she was done. 

The door shuddered behind her like someone was trying to open it and she froze. The handle moved as someone outside turned it and Lily relaxed slightly. Surely a werewolf wouldn’t bother to turn the handle. The wave of relief that went over her when she heard James whisper her name made her slouch back against the door.

“Lily?” He repeated quietly. “Is that you blocking the door?”

“I think so, yes,” she responded tiredly. 

“Well do you think you could move so I can get in?” 

“Oh,” she felt like she weighed a thousand pounds. “I guess so.” Ever so slowly, she managed to slide far enough away from the door that James could open it far enough to let himself in. A quick survey showed that he was mostly unharmed, with just a few scratches here and there. “Oh good,” she said with a grin. “You’re not dead.” 

He laughed with obvious relief but his shoulders were still pulled taut with tension. “And you aren’t either.” He gestured at the spot next to her. It took Lily a moment to realize that he was asking for permission to sit next to her. Surprised at the gesture, Lily shuffled over to make room for him. They both sat back against the door and stared a head. She expected him to look distastefully at Severus but instead she saw a sort of cold fury. 

“What was he doing out there?” Lily asked quietly, careful to avoid speaking loud enough for her voice to echo across the Hall again. The last thing they needed was someone finding them there, one student still Stupified, one covered in blood, and the other with tufts of grass stuck in his hair. Lily reached up and brushed some of it out. 

James spat out one word with such venom that she stopped what she was doing. “Sirius,” James said. 

“Sirius?” Lily repeated in confusion. 

“Sirius,” he confirmed.

Lily blinked, stunned. “But what does Sirius have to do with any of...this?”

James clenched his jaw so hard Lily was momentarily worried that he would break it. “He decided,” he started after a moment had passed. “That it would be  _ funny  _ to lead Snape out there tonight and catch a glimpse of Remus. That it would just  _ scare  _ him enough to piss himself and we could all get a good laugh out of it.” 

Lily stared up at him, fully aware that her mouth was hanging open but not caring in the slightest. “Sirius would really...do something like that?” She asked. “But Remus is one of his best friends.”

“I know,” James ground out, still staring at a point somewhere across from them. 

Lily let her head fall back against the door with a soft thump as she thought over what James had just told her. Surely Sirius had a better reason than just having a laugh to tell Severus such a huge secret. The boy she had come to know over the passed couple of months in Muggle Studies just didn’t seem capable of such casual cruelty. Her heart ached when she thought of how Remus would react when he found out. 

“How are you going to tell Remus?” She asked quietly.

“Honestly? I have no idea.” 

They sat in silence for a time, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Exhaustion crept up on her and Lily rested her head on James’ shoulder. She enjoyed the warmth that radiated off of him and eventually she felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. 

When he finally spoke it sounded like he was far away and she didn’t quite catch what he said. He repeated it again and it sounded like her name. 

“Hm?” She responded, opening her eyes. Strange...she didn’t remember closing them 

“Bloody hell, Lily! Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Lily roused enough energy to sit up and immediately started shivering. 

James had shifted until he was sitting behind her. She felt him ripping at the tatters of her cloak and heard a sharp intake of breath before an uncomfortable warmth radiated up from her shoulder. She shifted uncomfortably. 

“Don’t move,” James ordered. Lily obediently stilled even as the creeping sensation of her muscle tissue knitting itself back together and skin rebinding made her want to squirm. She heard James mutter a cleaning spell to get rid of her blood on the floor and the door. “You’re probably going to need a blood replenishing potion and I don’t know how to make one,” he told her. 

Feeling calm and safe, Lily responded, “S’okay,” before leaning back onto his shoulder again. James brought an arm up at wrapped it around her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“What for?”

“You said not to wander around tonight and I didn’t listen.” 

James squeezed her shoulder lightly. “You couldn’t have known.” 

“I was going to yell at the lot of you for being outdoors this late at night. I know you’re one wrong step from getting expelled. I didn’t want that to happen.” 

“How did you know that?” He sounded embarrassed. Lily would look up at him to see if she was right, but she was so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. 

“‘M a prefect, remember?” she mumbled, losing the battle to exhaustion.

The last thing she was aware of before she slipped into unconsciousness was James rubbing soft circles into the small of her back. 

***

James felt it when Lily fell unconscious and he launched into action. As soon as he had seen Lily on the lawn he’d known that there was no way they could keep this all under wraps. They might have been able to cajole Snape into not saying anything, but Lily...Lily was a different matter entirely. 

And now that she was hurt the situation was at the same time more complicated and more simplified. The hard part was over; Remus was once again running through the Forbidden Forest with Sirius to keep him company and Peter was...wherever Peter was. James gently lifted Lily onto a second stretcher that he had conjured and levitated her up until both her and Snape were floating lazily around waist level. One deep breath later and they were on their way to the Hospital Wing. 

Rousing Madame Pomfrey from her bed was as simple as kicking the door to the Hospital Wing down and shouting, “Please, I need help!” The nurse stumbled out of her rooms, quickly tying her robe around herself, ready to assist. 

“James Potter, what have you and your friends gotten yourselves into this time?” She demanded. “This boy has been severely stunned and,” she paused in her examination of Lily. “What have you done to Miss Evans?” Her voice was like iron.

“I need to get Professor Dumbledore,” James responded. 

Madame Pomfrey narrowed her eyes at him, gauging his honesty. She nodded crisply and than began to settle Snape and Lily into their hospital beds. Her movements were brisk and efficient. James cast one last glance at Lily before running out of the Hospital Wing.

Dumbledore’s office was no mystery to him. He had been called up to the Headmaster’s office in his very first week at Hogwarts. He knew how to get to the gargoyle, knew that he could run down a list of candies until he got the right password, and knew which of the previous Headmasters or -mistresses made the best faces in their portraits over Dumbledore’s shoulder. James also knew that one more trip to the Headmaster’s office likely meant his expulsion, so when he drew even with the gargoyle at the end of the corridor he skidded to a halt. 

Could he really go inside and confess everything to Dumbledore? He’d be expelled on the spot and thrown out of Hogwarts before he could say ‘Quidditch.’ If he blamed everything on Sirius…

_ No _ . 

As furious as he was at Sirius for starting this whole mess, James was just as culpable. He had been the one to suggest they become Animagi to keep Remus company during his transformations. Without him, none of them would have been out of the grounds tonight. They wouldn’t have known how to immobilize the Whomping Willow, or know how there was a secret, underground passage to the shack on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. 

If it wasn’t for him, Lily would never have left the castle. 

He needed to tell Dumbledore, to explain everything. 

James was just about to open his mouth and try out the first password when the gargoyle stepped to the side. In a swish of long robes and unusual solemnity, Albus Dumbledore swept down the stairs followed by, to James’ astonishment, Sirius. 

White hot fury swirled in his stomach at the sight of the boy he used to call his best friend. How dare he stand there looking guilty when he had thought it was  _ funny  _ to reveal their friend’s darkest, most guarded secret just for a good laugh and a mean prank? 

“Good evening, Mr. Potter,” said Dumbledore. It was several moments before James realized that the Headmaster had spoken to him; he was too busy glaring daggers at Sirius and fighting down the urge to throttle him in the corridor. 

“What’s he doing here?” James asked rather rudely, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from the other boy.

“Mr. Black here has just relayed the events of a truly terrible night out, isn’t that right?”

Sirius was pale and his eyes were red rimmed, like he’d been weeping. There was dried blood on his collar and it looked like he carried more of his weight on his left foot now than his right. The sight made James want to punch him even more. 

“Let’s go visit our friends in the Hospital Wing.” Dumbledore strode down the hall, his long legs making it difficult for James to keep up with him so he was stuck trailing behind with Sirius.

“Prongs,” he started.

“Don’t,” James cut him off. 

“Is everyone alright?”

“Don’t fucking talk to me.”

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Madame Pomfrey undid Peter’s astonishingly strong  _ Stupefy _ , and Snape was pressed for details about what happened. What he said corroborated with what Sirius had told Dumbledore. Snape was livid when Dumbledore made him swear a wizard’s oath not to tell anyone about Remus’ condition, but in the end agreed, surprising James. Madame Pomfrey assured them all that Lily would be just fine but needed to sleep. Like James suspected, she would need a blood replenishing potion over the course of the next few days. When the nurse announced that the scratch marks that had ripped across Lily’s shoulder were benign and likely carried no trace of lycanthropy, James sat on the edge of her bed with relief. 

Sirius was stripped of his position on the Quidditch team. He would serve detention three times a week including every Saturday for the rest of the school year, and all Hogsmeade privileges were revoked. For some reason Dumbledore insisted that these detentions be carried out with Professor Black. If James wasn't so pissed off at Sirius he would have been concerned about the amount of time Sirius would have to spend in close quarters with a member of his family. As it was, James looked at Lily’s pale face and felt icy fury settle in his veins. Against all odds, no one was going to be expelled, not even Remus. In fact, Dumbledore saw fit to award James three hundred house points for something he called, ‘bravery.’ He commended James for warning Snape and hauling him out of the tunnel before it was too late. His grand words were dulled by the glares that Snape sent him over Dumbledore’s shoulder. 

All in all it was not the ending that James had expected of the night, but it was one he was more than willing to accept. 

He hovered anxiously at Lily’s bedside until Madam Pomfrey snapped at him to sit in a chair. Lily was so pale from the blood loss that her freckles stood out more starkly against her skin. The sight made his stomach churn with guilt. 

Sleep must have overcome him at one point because when he jerked awake sometime later, the privacy curtain had been set up around the bed and, after a quick peek outside there was a curtain around the bed next to them too. Pale sunlight filtered in through the tall windows, announcing the arrival of dawn. 

Remus. 

A quick glance at Lily showed that she was still asleep, so James edged quietly away. Remus was already awake when he parted the privacy curtain. 

He looked terrible. The morning after a transformation was always difficult for Remus but after the night he had been through, it was no wonder that the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than usual. A vivid red bite mark stood out starkly against the skin on his neck, showing where Sirius had struggled to pull him away from Lily and Snape. His gaze was hollow when he looked at James and James felt the guilt rush back. Remus’ first question was the same that it always was. 

“Did I bite anyone?” 

And for the first time, James wasn’t able to just laugh him off and say ‘no.’ Instead he sighed and sat at the foot of Remus’ bed. Panic blossomed in Remus’ eyes and James was quick to assure him that no, no one was bitten, but yes, something did happen. The look of betrayal on Remus’ face gutted James, but after a split second it was wiped clean and Remus looked resigned instead.

“I knew something like this would happen,” he muttered and turned his head away. James pretended that he didn’t see his tears fall.

“Remus?” A new voice joined the conversation. “Remus are you alright?” Lily was awake and out of bed, still wearing the nightgown Madam Pomfrey had changed her into. 

“Lily, I’m so sorry.” Remus said, voice all choked up. 

“It’s not your fault,” she responded, tears forming in her eyes as well. “Really, I’m alright.” 

Not for the first time, James was bowled over by how genuine Lily’s kindness was. He watched in something very much like awe as she gingerly gave Remus a hug and his friend started crying. He edged out of the tent to give them some privacy. 

The sort of dull relief he was beginning to feel that no one had gotten seriously hurt and no one was expelled evaporated when he saw who was waiting beyond the privacy curtain.

“Is Remus alright?” Sirius asked. He looked nervous and skittish, grey eyes wide in his usually handsome face. James’ gut twisted with fury. Before he even knew what he was doing, his fist cracked against the other boy’s jaw. 

There was no magic involved in their brawl, just fists and elbows as James did his best to pummel every inch he could while Sirius did his best to fight him off. James could tell that Sirius was pulling his punches and didn’t want to hurt him which made him that much more angry. So Sirius had no problem with hurting Remus, but he drew the line at hurting him? He didn’t care if anyone else got hurt in his stupid prank, but pulling punches against James was too far? 

“James, stop,” Remus’ soft voice cut through his fury like a knife. James froze and looked down at where Sirius lay rumpled on the floor. Blood flowed freely from half a dozen cuts on his face and he would have at least one black eye. James pushed against Sirius’ chest to get to his feet and turned his back to him. Remus didn’t say anything else and shuffled back to bed. James followed after him, grimacing as blood dripped from his knuckles. 

It had felt good to hit Sirius, but now a hollow pit had opened in his stomach and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or sleep for a hundred years. Betrayal was a new feeling for him and he didn’t know how to cope. He sat in the chair next to Remus’ bed and cradled his hand. Lily tutted over his bruised and swollen knuckles and pulled him outside Remus’ privacy curtain. Sirius was gone.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, carefully cradling his bruised hand in hers. She picked up some of the salve that Madame Pomfrey had used on her shoulder and began rubbing it into the small cuts. It stung but he didn't mind.

“What for?” James said dully. “You got hurt.” He felt numb, like after everything that had happened his body had just decided to give up on feeling things for a bit. That suited him just fine.

“For saving me,” Lily said. “And,” she broke off to make sure that Madame Pomfrey wasn't around before continuing. “For being there for Remus. For making sure that he wasn't alone for all of those transformations.”

James had difficulty swallowing through the sudden lump in his throat. He didn't deserve her thanks. He pulled his hand from her grip and went to sit by Remus’ bedside again. Peter flitted in a few minutes later, arms laden with the breakfast he had taken from the kitchens. He passed food out to everyone but James was too tired to eat. The events of the evening finally got to him and he fell asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.


	8. Chapter 8

It took several days for Lily to remember the letter that James had given her. She tracked it down in the drawer of her dresser. Smoothing out the wrinkles in the parchment from her stuffing it into the drawer, Lily read the letter that James’ father had sent her for her birthday. He commended her for her decision to pursue healing as an occupation and urged her to apply for an internship over the summer. 

 

_ With a certain amount of schmoozing from your’s truly I believe that you would get the position and then have an unmatched opportunity to learn on the job in a one of a kind work environment. _

 

She smiled. Mr. Potter sounded just like his son. She took out a piece of parchment to write a reply and to inquire about the best way to apply for the internship. Her heart leapt in her chest at the thought of a rewarding summer.

***

The next morning when Lily read  _ The Daily Prophet _ her little bubble of sunshine burst. An entire family of Muggles had been found dead in their dining room. The Ministry reported a ghostly image of something like a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth that had been conjured over the house, a mark that the Death Eaters claimed represented their leader, Lord Voldemort. The black and white picture on the cover of  _ The Daily Prophet  _ made the hair on the back of Lily’s neck stand on end. 

It was all anyone could talk about. For the first time in days people stopped wondering why Sirius got kicked off of the Quidditch team and instead began to worry about what was going on in the world outside of Hogwarts’ halls. Several of the Slytherins, including Sev and Sirius’ brother, Regulus began strutting around the corridors, bullying people more aggressively and sneering at Muggleborns. More than once Lily had to break up a fight between some of the younger students between classes. 

Alice and Frank called another emergency meeting for all of the prefects, something that was growing all too common for Lily’s liking. She sat next to Remus like she always did and managed to ignore Sev brooding in the corner with a titanic effort. Remus, to his credit, was a little more tense than usual but managed to keep from doing anything drastic. 

“Professor Dumbledore wants us doing more patrols,” Frank said by way of starting the meeting. There was a smattering of agreement from around the room. “Until we know for sure that this is all just a passing political movement we need to make sure that we’re all being careful.” 

Lily and Remus were assigned to Tuesday nights from 8 until 11. It would drastically cut in on the amount of time she had to do all of her coursework in, but if she moved some things around she could probably manage. She made the mistake of glancing at Sev when Alice announced their assignment and the venom in his gaze hurt, but not as badly as it used to. Alice asked her to hang back after the meeting, so when Frank finished and everyone had signed the forms agreeing to the extra patrols Lily hovered in the doorway waiting for Frank to leave while Alice packed away the rest of her things. 

Only Frank didn’t leave. Instead he leaned down and gave Alice a kiss on the cheek with a soft smile.

“Merlin,” Lily squeaked. “You two got together!” 

Frank whirled around. “Lily! I didn’t know that you were still here!” He stuttered, turning red in a rather fetching way. 

“It’s only been just recently!” Alice announced and took Frank’s hand. She beamed up at him.

Lily put a hand to her chest. Some of the anxiousness that had settled in her chest that morning dissipated at the look on Frank’s face as he gazed adoringly at Alice. “I’m so happy for you,” she said sincerely. A little more love in the world was always a good thing and Lily, ever the romantic couldn’t help but fawn over the new couple. 

Alice turned her smile to Lily. “This is what I was going to tell you about! We’ve decided to go and make it official and tell our friends.” 

“Well I’m happy for you both!” 

“We also both got accepted into the Auror’s office!” Frank announced excitedly. 

Lily gaped at them. They were both incredibly gifted and she knew that they would be assets to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel some of her earlier anxiety come back. Anyone in the D.M.L.E. these days risked a lot when they went into the office every morning. The article in today’s  _ Prophet  _ proved that things were changing very rapidly outside of Hogwarts and the aurors would have their hands full. 

“Oh I know that look, Lily,” Alice said. “That’s the same face my mum made when I told her about it. Frank and I will be fine!” 

Lily forced images of Alice and Frank dueling faceless figures in dark alleys from her mind and tried to smile again instead. “Just be careful, alright? I don’t want to read about your names in the paper.”

“I’ll look after her, Lily,” Frank promised, squeezing Alice’s shoulder for good measure. 

“And I’ll look after you,” Alice crooned. 

The look Frank gave Alice made Lily equal parts pleased and repulsed. She quickly excused herself before she witnessed something that would make her want to scrub her brain out with Mrs. Skower’s All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover. Still, the sight of them happily together soothed something inside her that was worried that everything was going to fall apart.

***

Weeks of silence finally got to her and Lily made an effort to break through to Sirius and force him to talk to her. He had been diligently serving his detentions and morosely watching the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team suit up for every practice during their spring training. James wasn’t talking to him, Peter wasn’t talking to him, Remus was definitely not talking to him, and Lily was tired of not talking to him. The incident had brought her closer to the other boys. They shared most breakfasts together now and occasionally she had been able to coerce James and Peter into studying with her and Remus, but she missed the quiet conversations she had with Sirius during Muggle Studies. She wanted to know if he still wanted to buy a Muggle motorcycle and fix it up during the summer holidays, or if he still dreamed of getting a flat in Diagon Alley. She had seen Sirius entering his uncle’s office one day after Defense and wanted to know if they were getting closer to each other. She knew it was nosy and none of her business, but after seeing how depressed he had been after losing his best friends, Lily wanted to help Sirius. So their next class together, which happened to be Potions, Lily abandoned her usual seat next to Marlene and went to sit with Sirius.

“Are you sure you want to sit here?” Sirius asked. “Your new boyfriend isn’t going to like it.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Lily responded matter-of-factly, despite the color rising in her cheeks.

“Tell that to him,” Sirius gestured over to where James glared at them from across the dungeon. His scowl deepend when he noticed Lily looking in his direction. 

Lily huffed even though something inside her shifted at the sight. They all used to be such good friends. Seeing them at odds with each other hurt. “He can deal with it,” she said. After unpacking her things and arranging them across the table, Lily built a low wall of books, barricading them off from the rest of the room. She waited until Professor Slughorn waved his wand to reveal the directions for a simple pepper-up potion before she spoke again.

“Sirius...how are you? Truly?” 

For a long moment Sirius was quiet and she started to think wouldn’t respond when he finally spoke up. “Bloody awful is how I am. My best mates don’t talk to me anymore, they hardly even look at me and we all still live together. Imagine waking up in the morning and everyone in your dorm just ignores you, even stupid Michael Frampton is ignoring me and he doesn’t even know what’s going on!” 

Lily winced in sympathy. “Have you tried--”

“It’s been weeks, Lily. Of course I’ve tried,” Sirius interrupted nastily. He sighed and began chopping some of his ingredients. “Maybe it’s for the best. It was only a matter of time before I started acting just like my family.”

“Don’t say that! You’re nothing like them, Sirius, and you know it!” 

Sirius shook his head sadly but otherwise didn’t respond. After the quiet had stretched for a few minutes Lily tried a new topic.

“I saw you speaking with your uncle the other day,” she began carefully. The barest hint of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. 

“Yeah,” he said. “He’s been a real help these last few weeks. I thought he was just here to spy on my, but turns out dear old Uncle Al actually cares about what’s going on in my life. He asked me,” Sirius cut himself off as Slughorn drifted by their table, commenting on their brews. (“Excellent, Miss Evans,” and after a careful sniff of Sirius’ cauldron, “Not too shabby, Mr. Black.”) After the professor drifted away again, Sirius continued. “He’s invited me to move in with him this summer,” the words fly out of his mouth, each coming faster than the last, like he couldn’t quite believe the words himself.

“That’s good isn’t?” Lily saw the quick glance Sirius cast at James. “Isn’t it?” She repeated, quieter this time.

“I don’t know.” His mouth turned down at the corners. “Part of me still doesn’t trust him. And a bigger part of me hopes that I can somehow fix everything and still go home with James at the end of the term. But that’s just a few weeks away now…” Sirius trailed off miserably. 

“You can come live with me,” Lily joked, trying to banish some of the sadness from his eyes. The comment surprises a short bark of laughter from him. “I’m serious. You can come with me to my sister’s wedding and everything. If you transform into a dog you can sleep at the foot of my bed and keep my feet warm!”

Sirius shoved her playfully at that. With some of the tension broken, they went back to working quietly on their potions, occasionally asking the other to pass something. Her shoulder was still a bit sore from the claw marks and every so often it twinged when she reached for something, but she was healing up nicely. When Sirius cracked a joke about how she stirred her cauldron she thought that maybe she wasn’t the only one healing. At the end of the lesson though, Sirius packed his bags up quickly and practically ran out of the dungeon. The new presence at her side appeared to be the reason why.

“So, how is dear old Mr. Black?” James asked, arms folded across his chest.

Lily sighed heavily and turned to look at him. He’d grown even taller recently. “You can’t be mad at him forever, James.” 

“Watch me,” he snapped. “If you get to stay made at Snape forever, I can stay mad at Sirius.”

“Excuse me?” She sputtered. 

“You heard me,” James said, and left the dungeon. Peter and Remus followed after him. 

Indignation rooted Lily to the spot, made all the worse by knowing that James was  _ right _ . How could she ask them to make up when she refused to do the same with Sev? She glanced over to where the boy in question chatted with Professor Slughorn as he packed his books away. Knowing what she had to do, Lily swallowed her pride and headed over.

***

Lily sat back in her rickety chair and sighed. Remus looked up briefly from where he was also working on Professor Black’s essay but otherwise didn’t react. They were in the library, trying to work their way through the last few assignments of the year before final exams. Lily rubbed hard enough at her eyes that little stars swam across her vision.

“If I have to write one more line about the merits of non-verbal spells I’m going to lose it,” she said. She heard Remus chuckle and looked up in time to see him throw down his quill too. 

“Since we learned how to apparate, sitting here and working has begun to really blow.”

Lily laughed. “I totally agree.”

The Sixth Years had all gone through the Apparation lessons and the vast majority of them had passed the examination at the end. It was all anyone could talk or think about now. That and the gorgeous weather had many people dreaming about laying on a beach somewhere. But unfortunately all of the professors seemed hell bent on punishing the Sixth and Seventh Years just for being in their sixth and seventh year. If Lily had a sickle for every time one of her professors cited their NEWTs as a reason for their increased workload she would have enough money to build her own castle to torture students. As things stood though, a castle was far from her means.

Lily joined Remus in staring longingly out the window and the silence between them turned from studious to companionable. A swallow flew by the window and Remus broke the silence.

“I heard you spoke with Sirius,” he said, his voice carefully devoid of emotion. 

“Yes, I did.”

“That’s good,” said Remus. After a few more seconds of silence he spoke again. “How is he?”

Lily felt her heart melt a little at his question. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “He’s alright.”

Remus exhaled loudly, like he’d been holding his breath. “Good, good. That’s good. I’ve been wondering…” he trailed off and started picking at the tip of his quill. “This needs to be sharpened…” he muttered. 

“He misses you.”

Remus stopped picking at his quill. 

“He misses all of you. And I think it’s eating him up alive, what he did.” 

“I don’t know if I can forgive him, Lily,” he whispered. 

She reached across the table and took his hand. It startled him enough to look up at her and she smiled. “Just try talking to him. You don’t have to forgive him but at least hear what he has to say. You owe it to your friendship and you owe it to yourself.” She squeezed his hand a little for emphasis. “Besides,” she said with a laugh and let go. “I don’t want him keeping my feet warm over the summer.” 

Remus wrinkled his brow in confusion. “What?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“If you’re all about forgiveness…”

Lily knew exactly where he was trying to deflect the conversation to and she smugly interrupted. “I talked to Sev and told him that I forgave him.” 

Remus stared at her before saying, “Damn, I guess I really do have to talk to Sirius now.”

“Not that someone calling me a Mudblood and someone revealing your biggest secret which resulted in a giant mess is in any way similar on any level,” she babbled, suddenly realizing that it sounded like she equated the two things. 

“No, no,” Remus said, shaking his head.” You’re totally right. I’m being an idiot.”

Lily beamed at him.

They went back to staring out the window for a few more minutes before resuming work. Even though her spirits had lifted considerably, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would take to get James to talk to Sirius again. 

***

Lily got her acceptance letter for the St. Mungo’s internship at breakfast before their Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. She blinked stupidly at the thick parchment while her brain tried to process what the neat writing said. 

“I didn’t know that you’d applied to an internship,” Marlene said, reading over her shoulder. “Congratulations, Lily!” 

“Th-thank you,” Lily managed to stammer out. She read the rest of the letter which cheerfully informed her that her program began the second week of the summer holidays and stretched all the way through August, ending just before September First. 

“Here, have a celebratory croissant before we all go and fail our Defense final,” Marlene said and tossed one of the pastries onto Lily’s plate. 

Lily tucked the acceptance letter into her bag to read over again later, after final exams were over. Their Defense final was their second to last exam before the summer holidays. They had Slughorn’s final later on in the day. She went over her notes with Marlene for a few minutes before they packed everything up. 

When they got to the Defense classroom, everyone was still waiting out in the corridor. Lily spotted Sirius waiting by himself over near one of the big windows, tie loosened and shirt untucked. She headed over to him. 

“Are you ready for this?” She asked him. She handed over the croissant she’d taken with her as they left the Great Hall. 

Sirius gratefully accepted it and took a huge bite. He shrugged and said, “About as ready as I’ll ever be. He wants me to hang back after I finish my exam. He’s got ‘something important’ to tell me apparently.” He used finger quotes to indicate what his uncle had told him.

Lily frowned. “I wonder what it is?”

Sirius shrugged again. “Guess I’ll find out after this.” 

***

“He’s dying. Can you fucking believe that? The blighter is bloody dying and he has the nerve to come here and  _ get to know me _ and fucking  _ bond  _ and now he’s just going to pop off and fucking die!”

Lily squinted up at Sirius from her position sitting in the grass. He stood silhouetted against the setting Sun, hair wild around his face and hands buried in it.

“Who’s dying?” She asked rather stupidly. After she had finished her Defense exam, she’d nipped back to the dorm to grab a blanket and had spread it out in the grass to do some last minute review before the Potions final later that evening. 

“My uncle,” Sirius moaned and threw himself facedown on the blanket next to her. Lily had been methodically going over the ingredient list for Polyjuice Potion but at Sirius’ declaration she quickly swept everything to the side. 

“What? But didn’t he invite you to live with him?”   
Sirius groaned into the blanket in response. 

“Tell me everything.” 

Slowly, like every word cost him dearly, Sirius sketched out the story of his uncle breaking through their family’s dark expectations and reaching out to his nephew. His diagnosis was the impetus for reaching out but apparently something about Sirius had made him want to stay in his nephew’s life, to help him in whatever way he could. He also wanted to vex his sister as much as possible before he died. 

Sirius rolled over and covered his eyes with his arm. “He put me in his will. The bastard went and was nice to me, told me he was proud of me, and then leaves everything he has to me.” He sounded angry but Lily recognized the grief in his voice because it was the same way that she felt about her father’s passing. 

Her heart ached for Sirius. His friends should be here, helping him deal with this. After a second’s thought she admonished herself. They were friends. She was here, listening. Lily laid down on the blanket next to Sirius and stared up at the sky. 

“It’s not fair,” Sirius choked out. His shoulder next to hers started to shake. 

“I know,” Lily murmured. “I know, Sirius.” 

***

The farewell feast came and went and in what seemed like no time Lily was back on the Hogwarts Express in the same cabin, listening to Dorcas and Marlene argue about whether they should go to Brighton or Edinburgh on a weekend together. Sirius was a new addition to the cabin but he didn’t say much and stared out the window for most of the journey to London. Lily had offered to let him stay with her for a few days while he figured out what to do but he had refused, saying that he would stay at The Leaky Cauldron for a bit before maybe travelling somewhere else. Lily had frowned but nodded, respecting his choice. 

She gave Sirius a tight hug on the platform when they got to King’s Cross before stabbing him in the chest with her finger. “Keep me updated on what you’re doing, Sirius Black. I want to know if you’re sleeping in a gutter somewhere.” 

Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away. “Fine.” 

Lily smiled at him. “Let’s meet up over the summer, okay? My internship starts in a bit but I should still have time.” 

“You don’t have to mother me, you know,” he protested. 

Lily huffed at him. “So I worry, big deal. You’d better take care of yourself, okay?”

Sirius knocked his shoulder into hers affectionately before hauling his trunk off and through the barrier. 

She caught a glimpse of James embracing an older woman who she assumed was his mother and couldn’t help but stare. It was the first time she had seen James look genuinely happy since the night he’d ended his friendship with Sirius. She watched as his mother said something to him and James’ head snapped up and he immediately made eye contact with her. Lily flushed and looked away. She didn’t want it to seem like she’d been spying on him. She reached down to grab her trunk but someone caught her hand before she got the handle.

“Hey, Red. C’mere for a second,” James said by way of greeting. He ignored her protests and pulled her back with him to where both of his parents were standing. “Mum, Dad,” he announced. “This is Lily Evans. Lily these are my parents.” 

Lily awkwardly tried to smooth out her skirt before sticking her hand out. James’ dad took it instantly and shook it.

“Nice to meet you,” he said politely. “And I hear congratulations are in order.” He winked at her.

“Nice to meet you too,” Lily managed to squeak out. “And thank you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lily,” said Mrs. Potter. “We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Um,” said Lily.

“ _ Mum _ ,” said James. 

Mrs. Potter glanced around. “Do you have someone picking you up today, Lily?”

“Oh no,” Lily said, waving her hands. “My mum is helping my sister with some last minute wedding emergency planning so I’m going to get a cab home. They won’t be home until much later tonight. They sent me a letter about it yesterday” 

Mr. and Mrs. Potter shared the kind of look that only people who have been married for several years can share, in which they clearly communicated something to each other without actually saying anything. “Would you like to have lunch with us, Lily?” asked Mr. Potter. 

“Uh,” Lily said and looked at James. He shrugged but looked pleased.

“It’s up to you,” James said. 

Lily did some quick math in her head about how long it would take her sister and mother to accomplish their warpath against the florist who had messed up Petunia’s bouquets. The wedding was in just a few days and from the tone of her mother’s letter, Petunia was ready to string the florist up from the rafters. 

“Sure,” Lily decided. It would be nice to have a few more Petunia free hours. 

“Brilliant,” said Mrs. Potter. “I can send your things home for you if you like. That way you won’t have to haul it around. I just need the address.” Lily gave it to her and Mrs. Potter pointed her wand over where Lily’s trunk still sat on the platform. With a quick flick, it vanished. 

“That’s a useful spell,” said Lily. 

Mrs. Potter smiled at her. “How does lunch at The Leaky Cauldron sound? Just something casual?” 

Lily agreed instantly, grateful that they wouldn’t be going somewhere more expensive. She knew that the Potters were significantly more wealthy than she was. 

“Can you apparate, Lily?” Mr. Potter asked. 

“Yes,” Lily said proudly. “I passed my test with James and the others this year.”

“Fantastic,” Mr. Potter responded. “We’ll meet you there, then.” With that he took his wife’s arm and spun hard on his heel and the pair disappeared with a  _ crack!  _

“They always do side-along apparation since Dad accidentally splinched himself,” James said, humor in his voice. “That way Mum can keep an eye on him just in case.” In a move that surprised her, James held out his arm, offering to side-along with her. Lily was tempted to take him up on that offer since it would be her first time apparating by herself without the instructors there to offer advice, but she also didn’t want to give the Potters the idea that she and their son were anything but just friends. Tentatively at least. 

So instead of taking his proffered arm like part of her wanted to, she quirked her eyebrow at him before spinning hard on her heel. The strange feeling of disappearing in one place and then almost instantaneously reappearing somewhere else still warred with the Muggle part of Lily’s brain. The experience always left her feeling vaguely nauseous and extremely happy that she was still in one piece. So when she ended up at The Leaky Cauldron just like she had intended, she heaved a sigh of relief. James arrived just after she did looking a little put out that she didn’t take his arm, but he perked up when she let him hold the door for her. 

Lunch with the Potters, while strange, was also a welcome experience. Charlus Potter proved to be the source of much of James’ sense of humor while his mother Dorea was the source of his charm. Charlus chuckled and apologized for his son sending Lily expensive Potter heirlooms in the post along with marriage proposals, something that James hadn’t done since they were twelve. James cringed and quietly apologized too, turning as red as a tomato. He tried to cover it up by taking a gulp of butterbeer. Lily laughed, finding the memory more amusing than embarrassing and surprisingly not annoyed with the slight flush that stained her own cheeks. Charlus laughed even harder when James choked on his drink.

“My mother never would have stood for such a social faux-pas,” Dorea said, looking rather stern. The twinkle in her eyes gave her away though. 

“Well that’s because Violetta hated my guts and would’ve gladly hexed me to a thousand little pieces if I tried anything like that.”

James laughed at that, clearly having heard this before. Lily, on the other hand, was slightly alarmed by the image of Charlus’ mother-in-law hating him so much.

“And being a Potter didn’t help your case very much, dear,” Dorea chided.  

Charlus raised his glass. “And now you’re one too.”

His wife smiled and toasted him in return. “Proud to be one and rub it dear old Mum’s face.  _ Toujours pur _ .”

Lily almost spat her butterbeer across the table. “I’m sorry, what?” She blurted. 

“Here,” Dorea said, transfiguring a handkerchief for her. James clearly got his hankie summoning skills from his mother. The one Dorea conjured for her had an elaborate lace border and a large, ornate  _ P  _ embroidered in the center. “You’ve dribbled a bit.” Lily accepted the proffered hankie, apologizing profusely and now flushed completely scarlet. 

“You’re a Black?” 

“Yes, dear,” Dorea replied nonchalantly, as if they were discussing the weather and not her familial ties with one of the most prejudiced families in Britain. 

“But, but you’re,” Lily gestured at James’ parents, and then back at herself, trying to convey what was currently swirling around in her mind. If Dorea Potter was formerly Dorea  _ Black  _ shouldn’t she have refused to so much as speak to Lily once she knew that she was a Muggleborn? If all of the stories Sirius had told her were true, and she had seen the scars so she believed him, Dorea should be a blood purist of the most arrogant sort. 

The witch in question held her head high. “There is nothing wrong with being a Black, Miss Evans. It is merely the...current head of our family who has chosen to continue with the more unsavory aspects of our house’s history.”

“Not to mention every other head of the house for at least the last couple centuries,” James chimed in helpfully. 

“She was even a Slytherin,” Charlus leaned across the table to say in a stage whisper. 

Dorea smacked her husband. “There’s is nothing wrong with being a Slytherin, Charlus. And yes,” she conceded to James. “I will admit that my family has always been on what I consider the wrong side of the blood purity debate.”

Charlus laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re my favorite snake dear.” Dorea laughed with him and placed a chaste kiss on the lips. Next to her James groaned. 

“Can you two not be so gross in public. Please?” 

“You should always shower your witch in affection, James,” his father lectured. “Especially in public.” The looked pointedly between Lily and James. Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat, not quite ready to examine the feeling that bubbled up in her stomach at the comment. She decided to steer the subject into more comfortable waters.

“Does this mean that you’re related to Sirius?” she asked James. 

He scowled at the question. “Yes,” he replied stiffly. “We’re technically cousins but that git--”

“James,” his mother interrupted. “He is  _ family _ . And you know how important family is.” James scowled but didn’t respond. “Sirius has been practically living with us for years,” Dorea said to Lily. “And we would’ve adopted him if he wasn’t the sole Black heir.” 

“You never know what’s going to happen next, James,” Lily said, thinking back to an article in  _ The Daily Prophet  _ talking about another slew of disappearances and the Muggle Protection Act someone was trying to introduce to the Wizengamot, up against heavy opposition. “If something happened to Sirius and you never make up you’ll hate yourself forever.” James grunted noncommittally and Lily smacked him in the arm. “I’m serious, you need to get over yourself and accept his apology.”

With his parents nodding across the table James crossed his arms over his chest. “Everyone’s ganging up on me.” 

“It’s because we love you, dear,” Dorea said affectionately. 

Tom the barkeep came over to take their food orders and the table lapsed into silence. Lily was busy thinking about Dorea’s last comment and doing her best to not let her emotions show on her face.  _ It’s because we love you, dear _ . Surely she was just speaking as a parent, about how she and her husband feel about their son. Lily definitely didn’t  _ love  _ James. Some days she wasn’t sure she liked him even a little bit. But she couldn’t deny that sometimes she got a swooping sensation in her stomach when she looked at him and that every now and then he did something truly brilliant. That thought alone was enough food for thought to last the entire summer. 

After their food arrived they spent the remainder of their luncheon chatting about lighter topics. Charlus gave her some advice about her internship at St. Mungo’s, warning her that she was likely to spend the majority of the summer mixing potions and running at the heels of the more pretentious healers. The Potters turned down her offer to pay for her own meal, saying that they invited her out so they would pay. 

Dorea gave her a hug and a polite kiss on the cheek, inviting her to visit at some point over the summer holidays if she was so inclined. Charlus promised to show her around St. Mungo’s the following Monday for her first day. The pair left, arm in arm to complete some shopping in Diagon Alley before heading home, leaving James and Lily alone at the table. 

“Sorry about my parents,” James said after they left.

“Sorry about what? I thought that they were lovely.” 

“Well sorry about all of that...stuff about ‘showering your witch with affection’ and all that rubbish.” He ran a hand through his hair, making it stick straight up in the back in a way that Lily used to find annoying. Now she struck with the urge to try to smooth it out herself. “I never used to shut up about you at home and Dad can never pass up an opportunity to rub shit in my face,” he mumbled, not making eye contact. Lily had never seen him look so embarrassed. In fact, she hadn’t even known that James  _ could  _ be that embarrassed. “I’m sorry I used to be such a bloody tosser.” 

Lily laughed. “I don’t think you’ve stopped being one yet.” 

He looked up at her then, eyes wide and Lily was struck with how nice a shade of hazel they were. She stood up quickly. “Well I’ve got to get home,” she said. “The wedding’s tomorrow and if I don’t check in my sister is going to kill me.” 

“Are you looking forward to it?” He asked, getting up as well. 

“No,” Lily said with a sigh. “It’s going to be rotten. Vernon hates me and I’m going to have to pretend to be happy while my sister marries a man who’s life’s ambition is to sell drills.” 

“Drills?”

“Drills.” 

“I’ve got no idea what that is.”

Lily laughed. “Muggles use them to help them build things.”

James scrunched up his nose. “Sounds boring.” 

“Yeah,” Lily sighed. “I had fun today, though,” she said, trying to lift her spirits. 

“Hey, don’t let the Muggles get you down,” James said with a crooked grin. 

“I’ll try.” 

***

With the ceremony set to start at eleven o’clock sharp and then followed up with a luncheon, the morning of Petunia’s wedding was a chaotic mess and for the first time Lily was glad that she had been kicked out of the wedding party. Instead of stressing out about how her red hair looked next to the hot pink dresses her sister had dressed her bridesmaids in, Lily nibbled on the blueberry scones that she had baked with her mother the night before. She watched with a strange feeling of detachment as Melinda Uptown, her sister’s maid-of-honor ran around in a fuery of hot pink tulle. The big, poofy sleeves kept getting in the way and Lily noted the increased frizziness of the other woman’s hair with petty satisfaction. By all rights it should have been  _ her  _ running around in the hideous dress, doing last minute errands for her sister. Instead she sat off to the side, still wearing her pajamas and keeping a constant stream of mimosas in her mother’s grasp. 

As the mother of the bride, Mrs. Evans was in a more sedated shade of pink than the bridesmaids. Her dress was closer to blush than it was fuchsia and her hair, edging closer to grey than blonde every day was pinned up into a neat, sophisticated bun. The dress clashed horribly with the old orange vinyl couch in the Evans’ family room. 

The other bridesmaids kept shooting ugly glances in her direction, but Lily just smiled back. Once, she would have played up the story Petunia had fed all of her friends about her being a degenerate drop out by making obscene faces and gestures, but now she was content to sit back and enjoy the looks of jealousy the other girls looked at her with while they dealt with Petunia’s last minute rampage.

“Aren’t you at least going to put a dress on?” one of the girls snapped. 

Lily shrugged in response. “If I feel like it.”

The girl looked scandalized. 

“MUM! I NEED YOU!” Petunia’s tearful wail shook the rafters. 

Lily rose automatically with her mother and they ran into the opposite room where Petunia was getting ready. Lily caught just a glance of her sister looking very slim in her elaborate wedding dress, with equally poofy sleeves before Petunia started shrieking.

“Not you! I don’t want you! I said Mum why are you here too?” Petunia burst into tears. 

“Oh, come here, love,” their mother soothed, gathering the bride into her arms. “Tell Mummy what’s the matter.”

“I-I-I ripped m-m-my veil!” Petunia wailed. “And we leave for the ch-ch-chapel soon!” 

Sure enough, Lily could see a small tear in the veil perched in her sister’s perfectly coiffed hair. A quick wave of her wand could easily fix it but…

“And now I’m g-g-going to be all blotchy because I can’t stop c-c-crying!” 

Lily took a deep breath and then did something profoundly stupid. She opened her mouth. “Um, Tuney,” she said quietly. When her sister continued to sob she thought that she hadn’t heard her. “Petunia,” she said, louder this time. 

“What” Petunia snapped, “do you want?” She pulled away from their mother to glare at Lily. 

“Petunia I can help.”

Her sister froze, her entire body as rigid as a board as she processed her words.

“I’d like to help my sister look her best on her wedding day.”

Their mother beamed. “Oh, go on, Petunia! Let her help! And then we’ll all hop in the car and get this show on the road.” 

“I thought you can’t do--” Petunia cut herself off with a panicked look at the door. “I thought you weren’t allowed to do that outside of school.”

“I can now that I’m seventeen,” Lily explained. 

Lily watched as her sister agonized over her using magic to fix everything and weigh it against walking down the aisle with a ripped veil and blotchy skin. Petunia walked over to the doorway, stuck her head out to make sure none of her bridesmaids had been snooping, and then closed and locked the door. She rested her forehead briefly against the frame before turning around and holding her head up high. “Do it,” she commanded like Lily was the executioner and she the noble who had no time to wait around for her own beheading. 

Lily pulled out her wand. “I’m just going to use two spells, okay?” She waited for Petunia to nod before she waved her wand over the veil with a quiet, “ _ Reparo _ .” Petunia scrunched her eyes shut just as the veil stitched itself back together, the fabric realigning itself and leaving no trace of the tear behind. Then, knowing it was best to get it over with as quickly as possible, she waved her wand over Petunia’s face, taking down the swelling and soothing away the blotchiness. 

“There, all done.” 

Her sister opened her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. 

“You’re welcome, Tuney.”

The two sisters stared at each other for a moment, a quiet understanding passing between the two of them. Lily swallowed around a sudden lump in her throat and suddenly the moment passed, as fleeting as a will-o’-the-wisp. Petunia snatched up her bouquet of roses and stormed out of the room, ordering her wedding party into the car. Their mother followed closely behind. 

Lily waited until she heard the door shut behind them before transfiguring her pajamas into a pretty, light blue summer dress. It fell just above her knees and flowed out pleasantly when she spun. She decided to use just a touch more magic and charmed her hair up into an intricate bun and carefully applied some makeup. A quick look in the mirror to make sure everything looked alright and then she headed out the door. 

She had to share a car with Vernon’s family and grimaced when she had to squeeze in next to Marge. Marge, the woman who had replaced her as a member of the bridal party, sneered at her and made no effort to scoot over. Lily did her best to flatten herself against the side door. The ride to the chapel was mercifully short though, with just enough time for Marge to squish her against the door panel when the driver took a sharp turn. 

They tumbled out of the car, Lily a little sweaty and rumpled, but at least in one piece. She was in the process of smoothing out her skirt when she caught something out of the corner of her eye that made her freeze. Panic made her heart quicken as she watched Sirius Black offer his arm to Marge to escort her inside. Marge eyed his long hair, slicked back into a dashing ponytail and expensive black suit before rudley refusing and stomping inside. 

“Sirius!” Lily hissed, walking over and pulling him aside until they were hidden behind some shrubs. “What in the name of Merlin are you doing here?”

“Oh, are we going to snog in the bushes before the wedding?” He quipped. “Lovely.” 

“Sirius!” 

“Ow! Blimey, woman you don’t have to pinch me! You invited me, remember?” 

“I did no such thing!”

“On the contrary love, you most certainly did.” 

Lily glared at him before realizing that yes, she did invite him. The shock that Sirius had actually taken her up on her offer was overtaken by a surprising wave of relief. Now she wouldn’t have to sit through the ceremony by herself. 

“Don’t have kittens, Evans.” He said and gestured down at himself. “Besides, I dressed for the part, didn’t I? I have to say, these are  _ way  _ better than dress robes and you look very fit in that dress.”

“Thanks,” Lily muttered and crossed her arms over her chest. “Okay just...don’t talk to anyone, alright?”

“Not a problem! Why would I want to talk to any of these Muggles anyway?” 

“Okay,” Lily took a deep breath. “Let’s go in.” 

“Wait, before we go,” Sirius said and pointed at the parking lot. “Check out what I bought.”

Lily followed the line of his finger to a sleek, shiny new motorcycle standing proudly next to someone’s family car. “You didn’t!” She gasped, delighted. “You bought one?”

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Sirius asked like a proud father. 

Lily laughed in response and took his arm. “C’mon you Muggle. Let’s go find a seat.” 

They entered the chapel together, Lily leading the way to the front where the family was supposed to sit. She could hear people whispering about Sirius who preened at the attention. She supposed that they probably looked like  _ quite  _ the sight: the sister of the bride, kicked out of the wedding party showing up with a beautiful, long haired stranger who carried himself like an aristocrat and delivered Lily to her seat with a mind boggling amount of grace. Lily knew he was playing up his hereditary pure blood manners to put on a good show, but she appreciated it all the same. 

Eventually though, people had other things to talk about as the music started and the wedding party began walking down the aisle. Lily’s mother looked beautiful, and very confused when she saw Sirius, but she took her seat next to her daughter without comment. Lily felt tears form in her eyes when it was time for Petunia to walk down the aisle. With their father dead, there were no male relatives to give Petunia away, so she walked by herself. A painfully familiar wave of sadness washed over Lily as she ached for her father. Sirius heard her sniffle and, in a move of kindness she didn’t often associate with him, he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, giving her a quick squeeze. Lily put her head on his shoulder, equal parts glad that Sirius was there with her and that she had been vain enough to use waterproof makeup. 

“You okay?” he whispered when the orator started talking.

“Yeah,” Lily sniffled. “Just missing my dad.” Sirius placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head and she felt a surge of affection for him. “Thanks for coming.” He squeezed her shoulder again in response. 

Petunia had insisted that the ceremony be kept short and, after a quick peck on the lips to seal their new marriage, Petunia Evans signed her marriage certificate and officially became Petunia Dursley. Lily joined in with the cheers and applause but couldn’t help but feel as though the last little sliver of her childhood was wrenched away. 

Everyone filed out of the church after the new couple. Sirius and Lily were the last to leave linked arm and arm, two kindred spirits who were both outsiders from their own families, defiant and proud of their differences. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought that Sirius and Lily must have had a really special relationship. I realize that their friendship here in this fic may come across as leaning towards romantic (they do both totally kill it at the wedding after all) but rest assured this is exclusively a James and Lily ship fic. I just can't resist writing a lot with Sirius because I love him dearly and it breaks my heart that his life was so horrible.


	9. Chapter 9

Mooney and Wormtail met him as planned at the Leaky Cauldron. Mooney looked a little worse for wear because the full moon was only a few days away. The drawn out, tired expression on his friend’s face always made James worry, but he had learned his lesson. Once, all the way back in their fourth year when James had commented on it and suggested Remus have a lie down the other boy had nearly ripped his head off. Yes, the approaching full moon made Remus tired, but it also meant that the wolf was constantly prowling just beneath the surface, ready to snap at any minute. So instead of saying, “You sure you’re up to this, Remus?” James clapped a hand on his shoulder in greeting and said, “You look like shite, mate.” 

Remus glared at him and responded with a growled, “Not looking so hot yourself, Prongs.” 

Offended, James ran a hand through his hair. “I look fine, thanks.”

“Is that a worm you’ve got on your lip?” Peter asked, squinting suspiciously. 

“What? No! It’s a mustache you morons!” James smoothed out the bit of hair to emphasize his point. 

Peter squinted harder at it. “No. It’s definitely a worm.”

Remus snorted and James glared at him for it. 

“You’re a bunch of unsupportive arseholes,” he muttered mutinously.

“I still don’t see why you need the two of us to help you buy new robes, Prongs,” said Remus. “But I know before we go anywhere I need to get something to eat.” James heard his stomach growl from across the table. Remus looked around to find Tom. James swore he could see Remus’ nose twitching, like he was trying to sniff Tom out. With the full moon so close, he probably  _ was  _ sniffing him out. Tom waved at them when he saw the boys looking and headed their way. He took Remus’ large order of a full English breakfast with extra bacon and sausage with a raised eyebrow but otherwise didn’t comment. When he scribbled down everyone’s order and left, James spoke at the same time as Peter.

“Breakfast for lunch, Remus?”

“Actually--”

Peter blinked at him and James decided to press on if only for his sake. He had caught the look Remus had pinned Peter with and knew that it wouldn’t lead to anything good. 

“Actually,” he said again. “I don’t actually need to go shopping. I was just bored and wanted to hang out with you guys.” 

“James,” Remus huffed. “You don’t need an excuse to hang out with us.” 

“Yeah,” chimed in Peter. “You could’ve asked. We  _ are  _ friends with you, you idiot.”

“See, this is why you need to start talking to Sirius again,” Remus said, shaking his head. “You’re mental without him.” Peter nodded sagely next to him and irritation took up residence under James’ skin, hot and prideful.

“Hey,” James sputtered. He didn’t like the idea of his friends thinking he was useless without Sirius. “That git can--”

Peter cut him off. “That git just walked in with your girl.” 

“What?” 

James and Remus spun at the same time to see Sirius and Lily stumbling into the pub, laughing hysterically together.  Sirius was in an expensive looking Muggle suit, long hair pulled back with a leather thong and Lily...Lily looked so beautiful that James felt his heart constrict in his chest. She wore a powder blue dress that fell just about her knees and her hair was starting to tumble down her back from an elegant looking knot at the top of her head. He could see freckles scattered across her shoulders like stars across the night sky. Her cheeks were flushed from laughing and so was the expanse of her chest that the dress displayed. James swallowed thickly and felt his brain stutter. He had no idea that that happened when her face got flushed. The information made his head start spinning. 

“James, you look like you’re going to pass out. Remember to breathe, mate,” he heard Peter say as if from far away. 

When James saw Lily laugh at something Sirius said he felt a yawning void open in the pit of his stomach. What if…

“Oi! Sirius! Lily!” Peter called over to them, waving wildly. Lily spun around to find them, dress billowing out pleasantly. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw them and another dazzling smile lit up her face. Sirius looked pleased too until he caught a glimpse of James. His face shuttered immediately, becoming closed off with that classic Black family, holier-than-thou expression. 

Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him over to their table. 

“Hi!” She said brightly. 

James was torn between being floored by how pretty she looked up close in that dress and glaring at Sirius. He settled for staring at the sticky table top instead. 

“You look great, Lily,” James heard Remus say. 

She laughed and said, “Well, you have to dress for the occasion, right? We just left my sister’s wedding.” She sounded strained at the end and James longed to ask her what was wrong but he was also worried that he would punch Sirius in the face again instead. 

“We’re about to start drinking and counting how many sausages Mooney can put away if you want to pull up a chair and join us,” said Peter. 

James looked up to glare at him, the traitor. Pete shrugged at him in response. 

Lily laughed again. “We’d love to, right Sirius?” 

Sirius grunted non-commitally. Smart. But he sat obediently when Lily ordered him to. 

An awkward silence descended upon the table, only broken when Tom arrived to drop off Remus’ food and James and Peter’s drinks. To James’ surprise, Lily ordered two firewhiskies, one for her and one for Sirius. 

“Being seventeen is so great, especially for days like this when all you want to do is avoid everything and have a drink.” She clinked glasses with Sirius and threw her shot back. Her eyes watered a bit and she coughed.

James looked up at that. “The wedding was bad, then?” 

“Oh, he speaks!” Lily cooed. James blinked in surprise. Clearly the drink she had just ordered wouldn’t be her first of the day. “Let’s just say,” she said and quite literally risked her life by snatching a sausage off of Remus’ plate and taking a bite out of it before putting it back. The rest of the table looked nervously at Remus but all he did was frown and rip into his bacon. “Let’s just say,” Lily repeated, licking her fingers clean. “That it’s a really good thing that Sirius came with me and then took me for a ride on his motorcycle.” She leaned forward and patted Sirius on the knee. James wanted to strangle him. 

“Maybe you should’ve ordered a lemonade or something, Evans,” Sirius said, speaking for the first time. 

“A lemonade?” Lily gasped in outrage. “A lemonade, Sirius Black? A LEMONADE?” 

Sirius sighed and put his hands up in surrender. James noted the way he moved his firewhiskey further away from both himself and Lily. 

“So,” Lily turned to look between James and the others. “Did you just come in to town to watch Remus eat? Because if so? That’s really sad.” 

“Unfortunately the whole reason we’re here is much sadder,” Remus said. The smug expression on his face as he looked between him and Lily made James want to steal a sausage off of his plate too. Maybe he needed better friends, if he kept glaring at them and fighting the urge to wring their necks. 

“Is that so?” said Lily. She leaned closer across the table and he forced himself not to follow the dip in her neckline. His mother had raised him to be a gentleman (for the most part) and she would throttle him if he so much as peeked. 

He lied and glanced away. “I need to go shopping.” 

“Sure you do,” Remus and Peter sing-songed at the same time. 

Lily laughed and proceeded to ask them how their holidays were going so far. Eventually the three of them were chatting away, with Lily trying to get them to do more shots with her (“Lily, it’s not even two in the afternoon yet,” Peter protested. “We’re on holiday!” she insisted). Sirius stayed tight lipped and each time Lily nudged him in the shoulder James felt a little more constricted, like someone had a vice grip around his heart and enjoyed squeezing tighter and tighter each time. He wanted to leave, but didn’t want to deprive Remus of his lunch. He wasn’t that much of an asshole, no matter what his friends insisted. 

Finally, after what felt like eons, Remus popped the last bit of fried tomato in his mouth and sighed happily. James wasted no time in waving Tom back over so they could pay and get out. He pushed away from the table immediately after dropping some coins and started for the Alley. 

“Care to join us and make fun of James?” He heard Remus ask behind him. He also heard Lily’s delighted laugh and a grumble from Sirius which he took to mean he was coming too. James sighed heavily and stomped out into the street, the rest of his friends--and Sirius following behind him. 

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged his way up the Alley without a particular destination in mind, weaving his way between other shoppers and trying to ignore the sounds of laughter behind him. The sky was that bright, bold blue that only summer skies seemed to manage and while most people were enjoying the sunshine (Florean Fortescue’s was packed) James felt thoroughly miserable. What the hell was wrong with him anyway? It’s not like he could begrudge Lily a friendship with Sirius. The pratt was an incredible best mate, you just had to watch out for the stab in the back, he thought darkly.  

A hand pulled at his elbow and suddenly Lily was  _ right there _ , threading her arm through his. Her perfume smelled nice, like lilacs and mixed with the scent of firewhiskey he was surprised she didn’t have a whole pack of followers. Then he remembered the guys trailing after them and chuckled.

“How are you this shitty, sunny day?” Lily asked him, trying to match her stride to his. 

He obligingly slowed down slightly. It couldn’t be easy to power walk while wearing high heels. “I’m fine,” he grumbled. 

“No you’re not, James Potter.” she admonished. “Don’t lie to yourself and don’t lie to me either. If you miss your friends they’re literally right behind us. All you have to do is get your head out of your ass and turn around and talk to them.” 

He couldn’t help but smile. “You’re really something else, Red.” 

She put her nose high in the air. “I’m going to take that as a compliment, thank you very much.” 

“Want to stop in Flourish and Blotts? See if they’ve got any books that’ll help you with your internship this summer?” He began to steer them in the general direction of the shop. 

“You know just what to say, don’t you?” Lily slurred slightly and laughed. The sound made the tight feeling in his chest relax slightly. She stayed on his arm while they wandered between the bookshelves. Flourish and Blotts wasn’t particularly crowded today. Most families were enjoying the first bit of the summer holiday together which meant their children avoiding school related shops all together and enjoying the outdoors instead. That left their group mostly alone while their search for healing related books quickly devolved into finding the most ridiculous books and comparing their titles. A volume Peter found entitled  _ Merlin’s Misadventures through the Mystic Realms of ‘Oh Mama’: Sexual Congress in the Mists of Avalon _ left everyone in tears. 

“Blimey, who the hell would do research on that?” Remus gasped, clutching his side. 

“Apparently a Mister Delphinius Bimtrackle,” said Sirius, taking the book from Peter and turning it over to read the author’s biography. 

The author’s name made everyone lose it again and soon everyone was in tears again. Lily quietly excused herself to go to the loo and left the boys to their laughter. James was laughing harder than he had laughed in a long time while Sirius began reading excerpts from the book and he barely noticed when Lily left.

Just as Sirius reached a part where Bimtrackle had begun an interview a supposed “expert” on the metaphor of mist in conjunction with “intimate acts” an explosion rocked through the store, blowing in the windows and knocking every bookshelf down and throwing the Marauders off their feet. 

James coughed as thick clouds of dust and smoke coated his throat, making it hard to breathe and tried to think over the fear that flooded his system. For an eternity he tried to move but something heavy held him down and he couldn’t get it off. The weight solidified into one of the heavy wooden bookshelves with who knows what piled on top. Panic clawed at his chest and there was a shrill ringing in his ears. What if he was buried under tons of rubble? What the hell happened? Could he suffocate under all of this…? He could hear someone calling out near him but all he could see was the dust and rubble in front of his face. Something shifted above him and the crushing weight became heavier and he felt something snap in his side. He cried out and the movement stopped. He tried to move his arm to get to his wand, stuffed in his back pocket, but it may as well have been back at home for all the good it did him. His arm was pinned and he was trapped.

Fear tasted like copper.  

Or maybe that was the blood in his mouth. 

James didn’t want to die. Not like this. 

The world rocked again.  _ Another explosion _ ? He thought wildly. Things above him shifted again and he thought  _ This is it _ , but instead of crushing him, the weight eased off of him more. He had never been so happy to reach his wand in his entire life. Once he grasped the handle, he didn’t think, he just blasted everything away from him, dislodging the debris and creating another cloud of dust around him. He struggled to sit up and his entire body protested. A hand appeared in front of his face and he grabbed it, using it to haul himself to his feet. 

Sirius gripped his shoulders and shook him before wrapping him up in a hug tight enough that his ribs protested again. The rumbling in Sirius’ chest told him that he was speaking but he couldn’t hear anything over the high pitched ringing in his ears. He pushed Sirius away from him and said, “What the fuck just happened?” Or at least he thought he did. He couldn’t hear himself either. He watched Sirius’ lips move and the ringing subsided slightly until it sounded like they were underwater. 

“Where’s Lily?” He finally heard Sirius yell at him. Remus and Peter were standing behind him, looking scared and covered in brick dust.  

“Lily…? Wasn’t she just here…?” James said in confusion. He was having trouble piecing his thoughts together. One moment they had been laughing over a book and the next…

“I think he’s concussed,” he heard Remus say from behind Sirius. 

“She said something to you before she left,” Sirius continued. The sounds of people screaming in the street reached them and Peter shifted closer to the group. James could smell something burning. 

“Oh, the loo,” he mumbled and scrunched his eyes shut. The ground wouldn’t stop swaying beneath him and he felt like he was going to be sick. Trying to focus made the nausea worse. 

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder and darted past him, presumably to go find Lily. 

Lily. 

The thought was enough for him to take a sharp inhale and then immediately regret it. Something sharp was poking into his side and each breath was agony. Suddenly Remus was there in front of him, frowning deeply.  _ Were his eyes always that color?  _ He thought in confusion. He had always thought his friend’s eyes were brown but now they stared at him with a distinctly golden hue. He watched Remus’ lips form a spell and the pain in his side lessened. 

“You’ve got some broken ribs, Prongs,” he heard him say. “And a concussion. I can help a bit but we should get you to St. Mungo’s.” His friend waved his wand again and the fuzziness left his head and the nausea retreated slightly. The ground still felt like it was dancing beneath his feet, but this time it was less of a waltz and more of a slow dance. He could deal with a slow dance.  

Sirius and Lily stumbled back to them through the haze and James felt even better seeing them again. For the first time he noted the cut Sirius’ face, blood trickling down and dripping off of his chin. Lily, mercifully looked unscathed. While her powder blue dress was more akin to grey now and her hair had completely fallen out of her bun, he couldn’t see any blood or sign of injury and his shoulders sagged in relief.

“Oh my God, you’re all okay!” Lily shrieked and threw herself at James. He automatically winced, expecting more pain but Remus’ healing spell had worked wonders. His arms came up to pull Lily in close and if he breathed in the smell of her hair he could always blame the concussion later. He made eye contact with Sirius over her shoulder and nodded at him. Sirius’ eyes widened slightly in surprise before he nodded back. James was tired of missing his best friend.

“We need to get out of here,” Peter said. His wand was out and he looked nervously out at the street.

“Does anyone know what happened?” Lily asked, pulling away from James. She reached down to grab his hand with hers and he could feel her trembling. The feeling was mutual. 

“We need to get James to St. Mungo’s,” said Remus. “We can worry about everything else later.” 

“I knew drinking so much was a bad idea,” Lily said, as if her being drunk the first day of summer holidays was the reason Flourish and Blotts had just exploded around them. 

“Not your fault, love,” Sirius said and led the way out through the rubble, picking his way carefully and gesturing for them to follow. James let Lily sort of pull him along, reluctant to drop her hand. He took in the scene out on the street through a layer of numb shock and followed his friends. 

It looked like a war zone. Half of the street was now an enormous, smoking crater and there were people lying prone in the street. What was left of Flourish and Blotts crumbled at the edge of the crater and Ministry witches and wizards were apparating in as Sirius led the group away. People screamed and children cried. The shop across the way was on fire, the thick black smoke billowing up into the clear blue sky. 

His side began to feel rather wet and when he looked down he saw that it was mostly read.  _ Oh,  _ he thought,  _ I’m bleeding _ . He kept a tight hold on Lily’s hand and decided to keep the information to himself. It felt more important to get away from all of this. 

The far end of Diagon Alley by Gringotts was relatively unscathed and it was here that they came to a halt. 

“Bloody hell,” Sirius said, looking back at the destruction. 

“Yeah, bloody hell,” James said and fell to his knees. Rolling onto his back took no effort at all and he blinked as everything started to lose focus, his eyelids heavy. The last thing he heard was Lily saying his name before everything fell into darkness.    
  


***

When James hit the ground at her feet Lily’s first thought was that he was dead. Then she saw the slight rise and fall of his chest and knew that they had to get him help, and help meant a hospital. Blood spread sluggishly across the cobblestones and began staining the tips of her shoes red. Dropping to her knees beside him and ignoring the way the stones dug painfully into her skin, Lily tried to find a pulse. When she was in primary school, she remembered the emergency services visiting the school to give the kids a lesson in basic safety and first aid. At the time, it seemed like the most important thing was getting to slide on the EMT’s bright blue rubber gloves and poke her friend Matilda with them, or get a chance to wear the firefighter’s hard hat. Now, she would give anything to be able to harness that aura of professional calm the EMT and accompanying firefighters had exuded. Her hands shook when she pressed her fingers just under James’ jawline, ignoring Peter’s bewildered, “What are you doing?” 

His pulse was there, thready and light and far too fast, but he wasn’t dead yet. Lily clutched his collar and thought hard, disapparating and bringing them both to St. Mungo’s. 

The wizard on duty at the reception desk barely looked up from his copy of  _ The Daily Prophet _ . “Bodily injuries?” He asked in a bored voice. “You want the fourth floor.” 

When a second pair of people Apparated practically on top of them, also covered in blood and soot, the wizard finally got to his feet. 

“There’s been an attack in Diagon Alley,” Lily gasped out before levitating James in front of her and heading towards the elevator. The dejected sobbing of the woman on the floor behind told Lily all she wanted to know and followed them into the lift. 

When the doors to the lift opened on the fourth floor, a scene of relative calm met them. Evidently news of the attack hadn’t reached the hospital yet. A healer saw them exit the lift and quickly strode over. 

“What happened?” She wanted to know. Lily barely registered her appearance, a plump blonde haired witch who would have barely reached James’ shoulder if he had been conscious. 

“There’s been an attack. In Diagon Alley,” Lily said. James made a small sound next to her and Lily saw the healer dismiss her in her mind and focus all of her attention on her patient. 

She waved her wand over him once, twice, before blanching and saying, “That’s Charlus Potter’s son, isn’t it?” Lily barely said yes before the witch turned abruptly, whisking James away with her. 

“Wait!” Lily called out, following behind. “Where are you taking him? Is he going to be alright?” 

“Miss?”

“Evans.” The healer was fast, her short legs propelling her down the hallway fast enough that Lily had to jog to keep up. She almost slipped out of her heels trying to keep the pace. 

“Miss Evans,” the healer continued. “As you are not a family member, I must ask you to wait downstairs. I will take care of Mr. Potter here, rest assured, but your part in this is over. Thank you and good day.” She turned into a room directly off of the corridor and it shut in Lily’s face. 

Lily stared at the polished wood door in front of her, astounded. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears. When she reached out for the door handle, a loud voice belted out, “FAMILY MEMBERS ONLY PLEASE” and she jumped back. Not knowing what else to do, Lily summoned a chair and sat directly next to the door. She put her head in her hands and reminded herself that she needed to breathe. 

Everything had happened so fast, she still wasn’t sure if it was real. One minute she was enjoying herself in Diagon Alley immensely and the next...this. She looked up and down the corridor. More and more people began appearing, some bearing friends or family levitated in front of them like her, others limping in on their own. All of them were covered in the same layer of brick dust and soot as Lily, and some of them were covered in blood just like she was. People cried and screamed in pain all around her, healers dashing to and fro, trying to control the chaos. Lily leaned back in her chair until her head rested against the wall, and settled in to wait. She would stay outside this door until she knew for certain that James would be alright. Only then would she relax and clean herself up. 

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she heard voices she recognized. Whipping her head around, she saw the rest of the Marauders exiting the elevator and looking frantic. Remus saw her first, running over with Sirius and Peter following behind. 

“Is he okay?” Sirius demanded. 

“I don’t know! The bloody door won’t let me in! Only family it says.”

Sirius marched up and glared at the door. “Let us in.” He had a dangerous glint in his eye that spoke of barely suppressed violence. Lily was suddenly very grateful that she was friends with him.

“FAMILY MEMBERS ONLY PLEASE,” the doorknob bellowed, just as before.

“We are his family you piece of dragon shit,” Sirius snapped. He reached his hand into his pocket and Lily knew he was going to pull wand out and try to hex the door to pieces. 

“Sirius--”

“Don’t be an idiot, Sirius,” another voice cut her off. Charlus Potter had arrived. “Please step aside,” he said quietly, motioning that Sirius should do as he said. “I’ll let you in once I assess his condition.” The door swung open for him before he even reached for the handle and swiftly swung shut behind him, leaving the rest of them out in the hallway. 

Sirius swore and turned his attention to Lily. “Why did you just leave like that without saying anything?” 

Forcing herself not to flinch at his anger, Lily defended herself. “Because, Sirius, he needed immediate medical attention! More than any of us knew how to do and I didn’t want to waste any time.” 

“Do you know what it looked like when you just disappeared?” he hissed, grey eyes narrowed to slits. 

“Yes, I do.” Lily got to her feet and stabbed a finger into his chest. “And don’t you yell at me, Sirius Black. I’m just as scared and worried as you are.” She knew she was yelling but she didn’t care. She needed an outlet and Sirius was conveniently providing one. “I won’t apologize for being the only one with enough sense to get help.” Her hands were trembling again and she clenched them into fists at her side. 

Sirius rubbed the spot on his chest where she had poked him and abruptly turned around. She watched his shoulders rise and fall in a deep breath, trying to calm himself and she tried to do the same. She was just about to yell at him some more when he abruptly spun around and gathered her to his chest in a bone crushing hug. “Thank you,” he breathed in her ear and she could feel him trembling too. “Thank you,” he said again. When he pulled away he wiped at his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it the rest of the way free from the style he had done for Petunia’s wedding. Lily felt wetness on her own cheeks and wiped some tears away too.

There was nothing to do but wait. The seconds stretched into minutes which dragged on and on. Lily summoned chairs for the boys and they settled in to wait as well. Having never been to a wizarding hospital outside of the occasional visit to the hospital wing at Hogwarts, Lily had no idea if this long of a wait was normal or not. From preliminary research into a healing career, she knew that some injuries required more complicated magic than others and a simple wave of a wand wouldn’t cut it. 

Finally, the door opened again and Charlus’ voice invited them in. They all sprang to their feet and filed in. James was asleep in a clean hospital bed, sheets tucked up to his shoulders, looking pale but undeniably alive. The even rise and fall of his chest had Lily breathe a sigh of relief and a bone crushing exhaustion took the place of the anxiety that had been plaguing her. 

“He’s going to be alright,” Charlus said. Lily watched the healer from before smooth down the sheets at the foot of James’ bed and fought the surprising urge to strangle her. “Miss Evans,” he said quietly, pulling her thoughts away from murder and back to the present. “I want to thank you for your quick thinking. You may have saved my son’s life today.” He held his hand out, as if to shake hers. “May I?” Lily looked down at his hand and reached out to accept it. Instead of shaking it though, he brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss across her knuckles, murmuring words of thanks again. She felt her face heat up in embarrassment and pulled her hand away, staring at the floor. 

“I couldn’t just let him…” she trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence. 

“Just the same, you have my thanks for saving my son.”

“Sirius helped,” she said, desperate to move the attention away from herself. “He got us all out of there.” 

“You’re not going to kiss me too, are you?” Sirius joked weakly. 

“Come here, son,” Charlus said and wrapped Sirius up in a hug instead. Sirius seemed to melt into the embrace. 

“Remus helped too,” Sirius muttered into Charlus’ collar. Lily saw Remus blanch at the comment and he put his hands up in defence. 

“You don’t need to hug me too, Mr. Potter. Sirius is the one who dug him out of the rubble,” he said. “All I did was--” His protests were cut off by Charlus pulling him into the hug and then Peter was pulled in and Lily was left watching James’ father embrace all of his son’s friends with such care and tenderness that tears pricked her eyes again. 

“Oi,” a voice said weakly. “I’m the one who nearly died. What are you lot doing over there?”

James was awake. 

Immediately everyone crowded around his bedside, speaking all at once.  

“Did we really get blown up? Or was that just a dream?” he whispered. He looked pale and exhausted, like every word took more energy than he had. 

“This young man needs to rest,” the healer said in a tone that brooked no argument. She leveled a stern gaze at Charlus. “I’m going to give him a sleeping draught.” 

“You kids can stay here if you like, so long as you stay quiet,” Charlus said. Lily had no intention of leaving any time soon. The determined looks on the boys faces showed they felt the same way. 

“Dad,” James protested weakly, but he obediently sipped at the beaker the healer held in front of him and was almost instantly asleep. Charlus reached down and brushed some of James’ hair out of his face. The tender gesture made something in Lily’s chest clench and rewrite her impression of James Potter all over again. He wasn’t just the cocky and arrogant bastard at school, but a son with a loving father and friends who cared deeply about him. She didn’t know why the realization was so astounding. James was human, afterall. 

“They need me elsewhere in the hospital,” Charlus said, turning away from his son and addressing his friends. “Watch over him for me. My wife would be here, but she’s needed with the D.M.L.E.” Everyone nodded and he left the room, the healer trailing in his wake. The sounds of chaos traveled in through the open door before it closed behind them.

“Well, fuck,” Remus said, summing up exactly how Lily felt. He waved his wand and their chairs from outside slid their way in. 

Lily let out a shaky breath and echoed him. “Well, fuck.” Sirius snorted and plopped himself down in his chair on the other side of James’ bed.

The four friends sat in silent contemplation, occasionally making eye contact or just staring blankly at where James lay motionless in bed. Lily herself was in shock. At least, she thought she was in shock. Surely that explained the weird feeling in her chest and the way she reached over to hold Remus hand and it definitely explained the way she had started shaking again. 

Someone had attacked them. Well, not them specifically, but someone had attacked Diagon Alley. She had seen  _ bodies  _ lying in the street, smelled the burning and seen the smoke staining the sky. And someone had done it all on purpose. Who could do such a thing?

She was afraid to find out. 

One hour went by, and then a second but James slept on. At one point they had all been shoved against the wall as emergency mediwizards brought in a second patient. Before they pulled the privacy curtain and set up their privacy wards, Lily caught sight of the patient, an old woman with half of her face missing. She felt sick. 

Dorea Potter arrived a few minutes after the healers had gotten James’ new roommate settled in. She brought a tray of sandwiches with her and a house elf carried an enormous teapot behind her on a tray with cream and sugar. There was a furrow between her brows but other than that and a few hairs out of place from her otherwise immaculate bun, Dorea appeared remarkably poised and calm. Lily recognized the expression as one she had seen on Sirius’ face more than once and attributed it to a Black family trait. Internally, the older witch was probably frantic, but externally she was perfectly calm and collected. 

“Please, everyone have something to eat,” she said by way of greeting. With a wave of her wand she had another chair conjured for herself and settled into it near her son. The tray of sandwiches began making a slow circuit of the room, offering food to each of them in turn. Lily accepted an egg sandwich and gratefully accepted a cup of tea from the house elf. When she took a sip of the strong, black tea she immediately felt better. 

“I would like to thank you, Miss Evans,” Dorea said in a rather imperious tone. 

“Me?” Squeaked Lily. She wondered if she would ever be able to have a conversation with James’ parents without feeling completely out of her depth. Yesterday at the Leaky Cauldron had been one thing but now… 

“I understand you brought James here.”

“Um, yes…”

“And Sirius is the one who dug him out from underneath the rubble,” Remus said.

Lily and Dorea turned to stare at him and then moved almost in perfect sync to stare at Sirius. He shifted uncomfortably under Dorea’s stare and Lily watched a flush appear high on his cheekbones. It was the second time Remus had mentioned Sirius digging James out from underneath the wreckage of Flourish and Blott’s and she wanted to know exactly what had happened. 

“What the bloody hell was I supposed to do? He’s my best mate I couldn’t very well just let him get crushed,” he muttered. It was stupid, but Lily once again felt tears well up in her eyes. She was an emotional wreck and under normal circumstances she would be embarrassed, but after the events of the day she felt she was entitled to more than a few tears. 

“You’re an idiot, Sirius Black.” James had finally woken up again. His words were slightly slurred together but he looked a little less pale. His eyes were open and they were narrowed at Sirius. There was a tense moment and then James stuck his tongue out at him, the childish gesture taking the sting out of the words.

Sirius’ shoulders fell in relief and he grumbled, “Next time you decide to get yourself blown up you can get someone else to dig you out again!” 

James laughed weakly but it quickly turned into a cough and a grimace. “Bloody hell,” he complained.

“Language, James!” his mother scolded.

“Mum,” her son responded with an eye roll. “I was just squashed underneath an entire building. I think I should be allowed to swear at least a little!” 

“It wasn’t an entire building,” Peter murmured. 

“Stuff it, Pete!” James crowed and they all laughed. James’ reaction to everything made Lily start to think that they all just might be okay. If he could wake up after a brush with death and still laugh than just maybe they could make it through all of this. He sobered almost immediately though and asked, “Any idea what happened, mum?” 

Dorea sighed and shook her head. “No one has claimed responsibility for the attack yet, but we’ve got our suspicions.” She gave each of them a significant look and Lily knew this was no longer a mother speaking to them, but a ranking member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. “It’s becoming more and more dangerous out there, and I know you’re only kids but soon you’ll all be of age and you’ve got a right to know. We think it’s going to come to war. This could just be the beginning. So look out for yourselves, and for one another. Learn as much as you can when you go back to Hogwarts in the autumn, and know that so long as I still draw breath and your father has anything to say about it James, we won’t let anything happen. To any of you.” She made sure to hold eye contact with each of them over the course of this speech, holding it for longer first with Sirius and then, to Lily’s great surprise, with her. 

Somewhere along the way, Lily had done something to warrant Dorea Potter’s protectiveness. Her gaze flickered to James and found him looking at her with an expression that she couldn’t read.

The conversation shifted to other things in that organic way that they are want to do, what their individual plans for the summer holidays were, plans and promises to meet up for various reasons. 

“Hey, Red,” James said quietly to get Lily’s attention. “While you’re here you should find out who you’ll be working with this summer.” 

Horrified, she answered, “I can’t just leave to track down information about my internship! Not with you--”

He waved his hand and interrupted her. “I’m fine. Give me another hour and I’ll be right as rain.” She saw a bit of a shadow behind his eyes that betrayed how he was really feeling, but she figured he was trying to make her feel better. James Potter, laying in bed after nearly bleeding out on the cobblestones of Diagon Alley was trying to make her feel better. A big lump suddenly formed in her throat and she found it difficult to swallow. Something must have shown on her face because he frowned. “Lily, are you alright?”

It was the way he said her name that did it. Without thinking, Lily rocketed to her feet and fled the room, tears spilling down her cheeks. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing, she just knew that she had to get out of that room, get away from James and the way he had looked at her just now like…

Like the way her father had looked at her mother.

A memory of her father gathering her mother into his arms after he and Petunia had been in a minor car accident flashed through her mind. Her father had been mostly unharmed and Petunia as well, but a nasty knock on the head had the doctors hesitant about sending him home without an overnight stay and Lily’s mother had been so worried…

Confused and mortified for reacting the way she had, Lily finally started paying attention to where she was. She had never been to St. Mungo’s before and other than the trip from the reception desk up the lift to James’ room, she hadn’t seen much of it. She was definitely lost. The hallway she was in had dark panelled walls with a handful of portraits hanging, each depicting witches or wizards in varying medical conditions on their way to being cured. Her heels echoed loudly in the empty hallway. A door at the end had sunlight streaming through the windows and when she pushed it open she found herself in a small garden, laid out in the simple, elegant design of a Japanese zen garden. She breathed in the air through slightly stuffed nostrils and felt marginally better. The air lacked the distinctly clinical smell of the hospital in addition to the scent of burning that seemed stuck in her nose from Diagon Alley. She knew that she probably looked a mess and desperately needed a shower and change of clothes (she was very determined not to look down at where James’ blood had dried to brown on her dress) but she couldn’t bring herself to care just then. 

There was a small bench nestled beneath a Japanese maple and she made a beeline for it. She leaned back until her head bumped against the tree trunk and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in the process. She needed to center herself. A riot of emotions teemed in her belly, chief among them confusion, quickly followed by fear. Fear about the sudden attack in the Alley, fear at the uncertain future dawning on the horizon where attacks occurred indiscriminately and in broad daylight, and most of all, fear about the way she had felt when James had been bleeding out at her feet and the different sort of fear with him looking at her the way he had just now, back in his hospital room. Because that look, that single expression had made something sprout in her chest that she was terrified to go near and examine. Objectively, Lily knew what that emotion  _ could  _ be, but it went against all of her experiences with James Potter thus far and she wasn’t ready to face it, to admit to it. Instead, she made a conscious effort to shove it down, to stuff it away in a shrouded corner of her heart to be looked at and examined later if she needed to. 

Sadness also wound its way through the complicated mix of emotions. She felt like some of her joy in the magical world had been forcibly taken from her. Maybe she had been naive to think that everything would stay so easy and wonderful in the way her introduction to the Wizarding World had been. It was clearly time to grow up. The lingering sadness from Petunia’s wedding solidified into resignation and acceptance. She would never be able to change her sister’s opinion of her and she was tired of trying. The ship had sailed and there was no going back. It was time she followed someone’s advice of “fuck them.” Yes, she would always love her sister, but that didn’t mean she had to deal with her sister’s prejudices. 

Lily opened her eyes, feeling more relaxed and centered. She muttered a quick “ _ Scourgify _ ,” a cleaned herself up, trying not to think to hard about what it was she was cleaning off of herself. The stains didn’t fade completely and Lily resigned herself to learning a spell that would clean blood stains out of clothes better. Merlin knew with the way things were going she would need it, and probably not with just her internship over the summer. She glanced up from the faint brown spotting on her dress just in time to see Remus walk into the garden. He padded his way over to her and sat on the bench next to her.

“How did you find me?”

He tapped his nose and winked at her. 

“You mean you can smell me!?” 

He shrugged. “Sometimes it can be useful. It made tracking down James and Sirius way easier when we were younger and they were all over the castle pulling one over on someone.” 

Lily giggled. “They really did get up to some crazy stuff.”

“Oi, I was there too!” 

Lily laughed again but it was short lived. “Do you think there will be much pranking in the future?” 

Remus sighed. “Hard to say. Everything is getting so much more…” he trailed off.

“Shitty?” she supplied. She was too tired to think of a better adjective to sum up everything. 

The surprised a snort out of him. “Shitty,” he agreed. 

“I’m scared,” she confessed quietly. A bird starting chirping somewhere in the garden with them, oblivious to the dark mood hanging in the air. 

“Me too,” said Remus. He was quiet for a bit and then, “Dumbledore has asked me to do something. After school.” 

She studied his face. Sitting so close to her, she could make out the faint, silver outline of old scars that ran across the bridge of his nose and up his neck. He stared out ahead of him with his jaw set, but she could see how frightened he was. What sort of thing could Dumbledore ask of a boy who wasn’t even seventeen yet? And then it clicked. 

“He wants you to reach out to them, doesn’t he? To other werewolves?” She said the last part as quietly as she could but Remus still cringed. 

“It looks like they’re all going to side with  _ him _ ,” he said. “Dumbledore wants to give them another option, but I doubt they’ll listen.”

“Why do you say that?”

“There are cells here, in this hospital. They’ll take you in for the night, during a full moon and lock you in.” As he spoke his voice grew more and more bitter. “Silver bars on the window, silver chains on the wall, anything to keep the beast contained. Voldemort is offering a pack and  _ freedom  _ to run with the moon.” 

Lily thought back to that horrible night when she has seen just how dangerous a werewolf could be close up, and Remus wasn’t even a full grown wolf. A shiver of cold dread crept down her spine at the thought of an entire pack of mature werewolves pelting across Britain. “Oh, Remus,” she said, not sure of what else she could do. She squeezed his hand tightly. “You’ll be careful, won’t you?”

He huffed and it could have been a laugh or something worryingly close to a sob. She squeezed his hand again and her heart broke for him. They were just kids. They should be worrying about stupid things like who to go to Hogsmeade with and all of the homework they had to do over the summer holidays, not infiltrating hostile werewolf packs or getting blown up on a shopping trip. She was just brushing at her eyes to stop tears from falling when an instantly recognizable scent filled her nose.

“Remus John Lupin, are you smoking a cigarette?!”

Remus narrowed his eyes at her but didn’t stop taking a long drag off of a freshly lit cigarette. “Stuff it, Evans. I save them for stressful situations.”  

“You do know that my father died from lung cancer, right?” 

“Mm,” he said in response. A puff later and he was offering it to her. “They’re not so bad.”

“Don’t make me hex you.”

He laughed, but it lacked any semblance of humor. “Compared to the other shit going on, death my cigarette twenty years from now doesn’t seem so bad.” 

“Remus…”

“I know, I know: ‘stop being so dramatic.’” He sniffed and ground the cigarette onto their bench, flicking it away. They both watched its trajectory into the bushes and sat in silence for a while.

“Come on,” Lily said, feeling exhausted all the way down to her bones. “You have to help me find my way back. I’m sure the others are wondering where we are.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! James and Lily have always been one of my favorite OTPs like EVER and I've actually been working on this story for over a year now. I'm actually around halfway done with this story and I plan on posting at least two chapters a week until I catch up to what I have written so far and then I'll change to weekly updates. 
> 
> If you liked it please leave a comment or some kudos! <3


End file.
